KnightFalcon Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 (edited) So, as you can guess from the title, my situation is quite unique. We dated each other from 2014-2016 and then broke up for good. I moved to another country, dated other guys. All this while me and my ex still remained in touch. Our conversations increased towards the starting of 2017 and then by August 2017 my ex also moved to the same country as me and coincidentally the same city as well. We met, I helped him in settling down, we hooked up , met 6-7 times again and hooked up and after 2 months of seeing him some **** happened with me and I had to move in with him. Now, I am clearly in love with him. I can see that he too still misses me and talks about being in love with me but then we fight. And its bad! and its on the issues we used to fight on earlier. In 2014 when we first started dating he was madly in love with me. He had pursued me for almost 3 years and hence was ecstatic to finally date me. Our relationship was always super fun. Chemistry between the ****s is insane. It still is. But now I think there are certain things holding him back from me and I am not able to understand what those are. Sometimes he talks about us getting married and having babies and sometimes we decide that we are better off as friends. While I am hell bent on getting back with me because I can see that we are soul mates, although we are different in a lot of things but out baser instincts and opinions are very similar. He is the yin to my yang. I know he also realizes that but still I think that he is confused and probably wants to experiment. I don't know what to do now. I want him to go back to being madly in love with me like old times. Now that I am living with him, its so hard to be the seductress. I mean he sees me all the time. We had never been in a live-in before and now that we are not together we are in live-in. It is so complicated.I really do not understand how to do it. Edited October 11, 2017 by KnightFalcon
d0nnivain Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 Some say love is friendship that caught fire. Build from there. 2
Omei Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 They always say ex's when you get back together the same problems will still remain. You're fighting about stuff from that past will def not go in your favor or his, your fresh start is already tainted with the past. My honest opinion? If you get back together and y'all are fighting now it's gonna be a future breakup very much the same as your first. Living together has heart ache written all over It. 2
darkmoon Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 (edited) if you are fighting, fighting is not seductive he is putting you up to help you out, do not argue with him Edited October 12, 2017 by darkmoon 1
coolheadal Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 It's not that you don't understand how to do it, it's that you just don't know how to cope with the situation you have place yourself back into. You see he was your ex for a reason. All this clearly shows you both can't be without the other. If you do your both are who you are. Making sense of that isn't easy. You sound bored of him being with you 24/7 and he well who knows? Do you two talk like normal people, because all you do is fight and argue like back in 2014 right. Now 3 years later 2017 you are back together and it's total put-off! You have now have to decide to keep him in you life or just fold-it-in and just move on, but your heart will be broken. He's your best friend, but that might be all you can ever be with him. If you two have trouble now living together what the heck would happen if you got married and have 3 kids? Think about that? I see you with 3 kids with him. Like I told the other lady here you two need a detox in your mind because of what happen to you both in 2014 needs to be gone, other wise your going to be like you are now. Detox of the mine, soul and boy will cleanse your heart of any negative pain prior. That's a full cry out, not a crying but a full cry out of your system. Get to that point you'll be able to marry him, love him so much you can make the love and make those babies with. Have a normal family life. Go seek out a Reiki Master local to your are, where ever you there is some sort of healer that can heal you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Because you both need that now! Good luck to you both your going to need it! Shanti - Peace
mikeylo Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 Classic on/ off relationship! Unresolved issues ! If you both can’t be away from each other then sit and resolve the issues. Sometimes all it takes is a talk. Who is the one that is avoiding the talk ? That one is the culprit. 1
Cobra_X Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 but then we fight. And its bad! and its on the issues we used to fight on earlier. What are you fighting about? 3
kendahke Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 What are you fighting about? Not only that, but what was the issue that broke you up "for good" the last time? 1
coolheadal Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 real love doesn't make you fight........ Everyone fights in the USA today! LOL but loves comes in all shapes and forms. I know my late folks would fight but they stayed together always married. So I think the idea love and fighting doesn't go together but lets think for a moment when you fight/argue what are you doing? Your communicating with each other. So but why are you fighting? What makes you so mad you want to yell at the person you are so deeply, truly in love with. Just can't stop it. Maybe you and your guy don't fight but do you talk a lot or do you just work and come home and eat and sleep and repeat your day. When you fight/argue you take the time to talk but complain and say what's on your mind to the one your with. Somehow these two here love each other but still manage to stick together like glue no matter we all say here. It's her call, but she can't figure out the best cost of action. 1
SevenCity Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 They always say ex's when you get back together the same problems will still remain. You're fighting about stuff from that past will def not go in your favor or his, your fresh start is already tainted with the past. My honest opinion? If you get back together and y'all are fighting now it's gonna be a future breakup very much the same as your first. Living together has heart ache written all over It. To add, from the posts here, it hurts 10x more than the initial breakup. Op - it takes two to fight. Don't participate.
joseb Posted October 13, 2017 Posted October 13, 2017 On off argumentative relationships suck.some people in because they love the drama, even though they might nor realise it. Your situation doesn't sound healthy. I would suggest if you *have* to live with him for the moment, do so.as either friends or friends with benefits, because from the sounds of it I just don't think you two work as a long term thing. But I too would like to hear more as to what the fighting was and what led to the breakup eventually 1
Author KnightFalcon Posted October 16, 2017 Author Posted October 16, 2017 Well, I am trying my level best to not throw the usual girlfriend tantrums and be as accommodating as possible as per his mood swings. And it is not like we are fighting 24x7. Whenever it is my fault, I apologize ,we talk it through and whenever it is his fault he apologizes. It is just he looks really confused about our situation. He canceled going on dates for me. He treats me with so much affection still I am not able to figure out what is holding him back. I know he wants to experiment probably with other girls, since he is a new place and all that. And since I had my far share of fun, I really am in no position to stop him. I really want everything to happen organically. Am I wrong in that way ?
Author KnightFalcon Posted October 16, 2017 Author Posted October 16, 2017 Everyone fights in the USA today! LOL but loves comes in all shapes and forms. I know my late folks would fight but they stayed together always married. So I think the idea love and fighting doesn't go together but lets think for a moment when you fight/argue what are you doing? Your communicating with each other. So but why are you fighting? What makes you so mad you want to yell at the person you are so deeply, truly in love with. Just can't stop it. Maybe you and your guy don't fight but do you talk a lot or do you just work and come home and eat and sleep and repeat your day. When you fight/argue you take the time to talk but complain and say what's on your mind to the one your with. Somehow these two here love each other but still manage to stick together like glue no matter we all say here. It's her call, but she can't figure out the best cost of action. Yes, this is absolutely true. I am not able to figure out the nest course of action.
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2017 Posted October 16, 2017 What are the "usual GF tantrums"? I have never thrown a tantrum let alone routinely. 4
Author KnightFalcon Posted October 16, 2017 Author Posted October 16, 2017 What are you fighting about? Umm, I think he still has certain notions based on how I used to behave when we were dating in 2014. I agree I was brash and inconsiderate. But since a person changes a lot during their lifetime, and so have I. I want him to see that I have changed for better and am not the same person I was. But somehow, I feel that he has kept his mind closed on this matter. I goof up once and he looses it. However, it is not like that we are fighting all the time. He apologizes whenever he was in the wrong or over reacts. Is super cute and adorable in a very coupley way.
Author KnightFalcon Posted October 16, 2017 Author Posted October 16, 2017 What are the "usual GF tantrums"? I have never thrown a tantrum let alone routinely. What I meant by usual gf tantrums is having any sort of expectation of being pampered or be cared for 24x7. If you know what I mean.
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2017 Posted October 16, 2017 Have you tried pampering him? There is a reason the saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach exists. Look up the recipe for something called Engagement Chicken. I don't promise you it will cause him to produce a ring but feeding a guy is always a good plan.
Author KnightFalcon Posted October 16, 2017 Author Posted October 16, 2017 Have you tried pampering him? There is a reason the saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach exists. Look up the recipe for something called Engagement Chicken. I don't promise you it will cause him to produce a ring but feeding a guy is always a good plan. Right, I tried that. He's a non vegetarian and I am a vegan so that does not help either. :/ He doesn't like the vegan diet.
Author KnightFalcon Posted October 16, 2017 Author Posted October 16, 2017 Classic on/ off relationship! Unresolved issues ! If you both can’t be away from each other then sit and resolve the issues. Sometimes all it takes is a talk. Who is the one that is avoiding the talk ? That one is the culprit. Both of us can be called culprits. When I am ready for the talk, he's not in a mood. And whenever he is, I am feeling to shy and vulnerable to be put in a spot like that all of a sudden.
Cobra_X Posted October 16, 2017 Posted October 16, 2017 Umm, I think he still has certain notions based on how I used to behave when we were dating in 2014. I agree I was brash and inconsiderate. But since a person changes a lot during their lifetime, and so have I. I want him to see that I have changed for better and am not the same person I was. But somehow, I feel that he has kept his mind closed on this matter. I goof up once and he looses it. However, it is not like that we are fighting all the time. He apologizes whenever he was in the wrong or over reacts. Is super cute and adorable in a very coupley way. The greatest predictor of future actions is past actions. People change, but it is typically a slow process. How you fight is extremely important. Do you both feel respected? Right, I tried that. He's a non vegetarian and I am a vegan so that does not help either. :/ He doesn't like the vegan diet. So you can only cook vegan?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 Living together right now is not a smart idea. You two still aren't dating but it sounds as though you're trying to behave like his girlfriend in hopes he will change his mind. You can see that it's not working. I would move out. As soon as possible. If you two can try dating from a position of having healthy space and independence, then perhaps this could work. But the way you're going about it now is nearly guaranteed to end badly for you. How are you going to feel when he doesn't come home some night because he's spent the night with another girl? Start looking for your own accommodations. 2
kendahke Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 What I meant by usual gf tantrums is having any sort of expectation of being pampered or be cared for 24x7. If you know what I mean. Expectations are fertilizer for future resentments. He's no longer your boyfriend and that's who would do the pampering stuff you're after. He's a guy you used to date who is letting you stay with him until you get your own place. Are you doing anything constructive in that area, or are you trying to seduce him back into something he's showing you he doesn't want so you don't have to live on your own?
mikeylo Posted October 17, 2017 Posted October 17, 2017 Both of us can be called culprits. When I am ready for the talk, he's not in a mood. And whenever he is, I am feeling to shy and vulnerable to be put in a spot like that all of a sudden. Then make a date. You can choose to tell him well before the date that you want to talk or talk when you go out on date. You know him. Stuff left unsaid leads to confusion.
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