wandering7790 Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 (edited) Hi all, Some background here: I attended a friends party about a year ago and was introduced to a bunch of people, one of whom later in the night had asked my friend's gf about me (i.e. was interested to some degree). Once this message got back to me she had already left. I didn't put much weight into it at the time because my friend told me this woman had only been single for a week and was just coming out of a LTR that lasted a few years. Fast forward to this past week where I attended another event ( a wedding ) and this person was there again, first time I've seen them since the original time. A year had gone past so I wasn't too sure if she would be interested at all or not anymore but I was going to wait until I saw her alone and then have a chat. Well this was a mistake on my end for lots of reasons. Part of the problem was she wasn't alone at all the entire time and was keeping to her one friend who went everywhere with her. I focused on enjoying myself but nonetheless wish I had found some way to at least talk to her somehow as I clearly also used this time to get in my own head and not take advantage. This has been bothering me quite a bit. There's a couple of details I should add. From the little I know about her she's extremely busy (medical training). The other detail is that I work away during the week but am back there in that city on weekends and scattered weekdays through the month and for holidays and a couple of months straight throughout the year. This wouldn't dissuade me but I'm not sure if it'd seem silly to someone else. This is what I want to know: Despite my curiosity, is it worth exploring something here. If so, how do I go about doing it and how do I frame it. I can send a message through social media, or try to go through a friend. Or I can take the loss. This has been a wakeup call to me either way to become a lot more aggressive than I normally am, I don't want to have regrets anymore. Oh, and if it matters, I'm in my late twenties. Any thoughts/advice? Edited October 11, 2017 by wandering7790
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 have you no confidence? You could have gone right up to her and said hi, didn't I see you at blah blah's party last year? I'm ____, nice seeing you again," acknowledge the friend and then chat about how nice the wedding was, yadday yaddy yadda. Pretty simple. The only way to get to her is through a friend again, and see if there is another party or event you two can see each other at. And this time talk to her. 2
Author wandering7790 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Posted October 11, 2017 Yeah, I agree that all of that would have been better.
Miss Spider Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 Yeah, I agree that all of that would have been better. So what are you going to do now? Might I suggest you do not contact her first through social media. Are you two friends on there?
Author wandering7790 Posted October 11, 2017 Author Posted October 11, 2017 So what are you going to do now? Might I suggest you do not contact her first through social media. Are you two friends on there? No we're not friends on there. As for what I'm going to do, that only leaves me with the options of trying to go through my friend, which I'm not sure exactly how I'd frame that, or seeing if chance has us bump into each other which again I'm not too optimistic about as these are the only times I've really seen her anywhere.
Versacehottie Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 push yourself out of your comfort zone~~that is typically where change happens. i think you we can all agree that you have been playing things too safe. pursue. good luck 1
Mike B. Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 Try not to overthink dating. I think with all of the ideas and resources at our fingertips we tend to forget those most basic things when it comes to dating. People are meant to get together. If you want to get with someone, just go for it. This is part of the very fiber of our being. I try not to look at as someone as a waste of my time. If I'm not doing anything on a Saturday night and a woman wants to hang out or whatever then I would do it. Why not? A lot of time I just take pleasure in showing someone a good time and entertaining them. So just ask these women out. You don't have to turn them into your wife. 1
Trevor John Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 Hi wandering7790 Actually, I can relate to your dilemma. I wasted so many years being shy, reserved and fearful of rejection. I had a pretty low self-esteem. Thankfully I pulled myself out of that situation to learn that it is so easy to talk to people in a very unassuming way, that you come across as just being friendly. I can tell you, it's a lot more fun talking to those of the opposite sex when there is no apparent pressure on yourself. You simply adopt small talk just as if she was a new person at your workplace, you discover what they're interested in, and you talk/ask questions about that, and show genuine interest. And I mean genuine interest. I always look for snippets of new knowledge, and by doing so, you take the focus off the fact that you may be interested in her personally. Funny thing is, there have been the odd times that, after following this procedure, my interest in the person considerably waned after discovering that she wasn't the sort of person I had thought she'd be! Just relax and view this person as just another human being with whom you wish to interact with. And whatever you do, do not come across as being desperate! Good luck!
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