Adrienn27 Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 Hi everyone. This is gonna be long, sorry I have been together with this amazing guy for 16 months. Everything was perfect until the last 6 months, then he got a new job. Before that we were working together at the same place. This new job is very demanding (sales job) they expect a lot from workers and he is very good at it, he is one of the best ones in the area. His work schedule is crazy, he works a lot. We couldn't meet as much as we did before, out relationship got a bit boring, but we still loved each other. We fought a lot more. I sometimes overreacted, made stupid arguments. He made promises he usually didn't keep and I was angry and disappointed, but I didn't stop loving him. We were planning to move together next month, we were goofing around about marriage and babies. 3 days ago, all of the sudden he said he wants to break up, because he feels like he lost himself, something is broken inside him. He lost the spark for me and for things in general. I tried to talk to him, that we van recapture the spark, we just have to do things we loved and did together and reconnect with each other. He completely blocked me out, and he isn't letting me help him through this rough patch. He said at the moment he feels like breaking up with me is the best solution. I don't agree at all. It's not him talking, it is his depression. I know him, he wouldn't just give up on love. He was the one telling me this all the time and I didn't give up, because I knew he is right. But now he is the one who gave up. One of our mutual friend said, he is doing very poorly now. He told her that he imagined his life with me but he lost the spark and doesn't know what to do with himself. I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. He is just depressed a d doesn't see any way out of this current misery. I want to help him, but he is blocking me out. I decided to give him 1-2 weeks to calm down a bit. Please help me
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 First you are sad, which is normal, after a break up. You are not depressed. Depression is medical diagnoses. Even though people mix up the two all the time, don't. It will make your situation feel even more hopeless, like you can't fix it. This will pass in time. You are theorizing about his reasons. He told you 3 days ago that he lost feelings. That doesn't mean he just lost them. He may have been keeping silent thinking things will get better for a while before he took action. You don't know. As the dumpee, you don't have a lot of control. All you can do is respond if he does reach out but beware of breadcrumbs. Unless he says he wants to reconcile, don't assume some Hey, how are you text has deeper subtext. Take time to heal. Lick your own wounds. Grieve for the loss of the relationship but don't assume he will change his mind. 3
heretoh3lp Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 He is doing what he feels is best, let him. Let him make his own decisions. There is just not much that you can do. Don't make excuses for him, don't call it depression if he hasn't been medically diagnosed, don't expect him to realize what he missed out on: he won't. I am brutally honest. Have you asked yourself if maybe there are things that he needs to fix inside himself that he needs to fix alone? I am not mean, I am just trying to help. Clinging to the idea that it was his depression will make things worse. You will sit around and wait for him to get better. You love him, I get it. Stand up, put on a warrior face, tell yourself you're beautiful and be a strong woman who is just fine alone as she is with someone else. Good luck. I am sorry for the pain that you are in.
basil67 Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 I'm so sad for you. I guess you will have to chalk this up to learning and life experience. Thing is, love is not enough keep people in a relationship where there's lots of fighting, arguing and disappointment in each other. It was a toxic situation and he needed to leave for his own sanity. And truth be told, he may not love you anymore. This kind of toxic situation can and does kill love. The ideas about working on the relationship to make it good again came too late. They should have been put in to place when the two of you first started fighting and becoming disconnected. Your boyfriend will be OK. He's currently in shock and grieving the end of the relationship...but time will heal him. And it will heal you too.
Bebe11 Posted October 16, 2017 Posted October 16, 2017 It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Give him a couple of weeks to figure out what is going on. It may take longer than this...and that is okay. Be strong and if things don't work out between you, then I believe there is someone else out there who will be perfect for you.
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