firestar Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 Hi Everyone, back again with another romantic encounter and could use some objective advice. Thanks in advance! About a month ago I started attending my local bicycle co-op's weekly repair nights to learn how to fix my bike. The mechanic who helped me (call him C) was friendly and helpful. He seemed genuinely nice and we worked well together. He was always eager to help me and even once told another volunteer that "I'll work with her on this bike" when I checked in. The second time I went we were fixing a complex problem and C handed me a tiny washer. I took it from him and our fingertips touched. I personally don't like touching acquaintances but handing over a washer for a derailleur cage seemed innocent enough. Before going home that night I instinctively went up to him and lightly tapped his arm to get his attention. I thanked him and said goodnight. It happened without any forethought, which was unusual because I usually don't touch men who I don't know well even if they're attractive. When I arrived the next week we started working together immediately. We often stood in each other's personal space. I was a little nervous and blushing and I noticed he seemed really happy and kind of giddy. His voice was high pitched, he smiled a lot, looked really happy, was super friendly to everyone, and seemed to be in a much better mood than usual--it could of been something else but I hoped it was because he liked me. That night he seemed intensely focused on me--we were working together in our own little world. At one point when I directly faced him to discuss the repairs he looked surprised and took a step back (that was strange). I decided to try to convey my romantic interest clearly, so when he bent down to check the drive chain I did the same and moved my face closer to his, testing to see if he would move away from me. And he did! After a couple of seconds he got up and moved to the other side of the bike. He quickly explained to me how to finish replacing the brake cables then walked to the front table and started chatting with another woman. It was confusing when I thought the signals had been so positive (was I overly aggressive or had misread the situation?) Anyway, after being left alone for a while I chatted with other volunteers then got ready to go home. I walked past the front table where C was sitting and smiled and waved goodbye before leaving; I didn't want to appear jealous or desperate by interrupting his conversation with the other girl. He had a funny expression on his face when I said goodbye--kind of stunned as if he didn't know how to react to me saying goodbye. The following week I was out of town for work, so the week after that I went back to the co-op to finish repairing the bike. C's behavior was different this time. When I entered the workshop he was hanging around the front desk. He wouldn't make much eye contact even when I said hello. He also wasn't available to work with me so I was assigned to a different mechanic. It felt like he was avoiding me. The other mechanic struggled to change the handlebar tape. I told him that C knows how to do this, so he goes to ask C, who quickly finishes with the person he was helping and comes by to show us how to do this. The other mechanic hangs around for a while then wanders off to help someone else. Our conversation is brief and C isn't talkative. He still avoided eye contact. I asked questions about local places to bike and he answers but doesn't seem to want to discuss it too much. He doesn't ask me any questions. Myself, I wasn't blushing or as nervous as I was 2 weeks ago but somehow felt shyer and more self-conscious, which made it hard to have a casual conversation. I don't know if the shyness came across as being cold or disinterested. My bike handlebar is a weird shape and C said he's only done a few of these in the past. He finishes wrapping the handlebar on one side and I do the other. I finish wrapping mine and noticed his side was crooked. I asked if he'd mind if I re-wrapped it. I think he felt a little offended or hurt when I asked this. It might have seemed like criticism of his work (he seems to be a perfectionist). I slowly wrap up the bars then ask him to check my work. He says it looks great. I run to use the restroom and when I come out he had left for the night! He knew that this was the last thing to do on my bike and that I wouldn't have a reason to come back, but he ducked out anyway without saying goodbye. That was 2 weeks ago and I've been stalking him on social media profile, liking a photo and viewing videos (he can see me doing this). He hasn't tried to contact me even though he easily can do that or send me an email (he has access to the co-op sign up sheet). I had thought about buying him coffee or lunch to thank him for helping me with the bike (he saved me a couple of hundred dollars) but didn't want to face rejection... I think he isn't interested in me, what do you think? I still have a second bike that needs some work before I can sell it, so there is still a reason to go back to the co-op, but seems like I may be chasing a dead end here.
Romantic_Antics Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 I think you invaded his personal space in the workplace and it made him uncomfortable. Now you're admitting to stalking someone on social media who's clearly not interested. This story does not have a happy ending. I'd back off and just focus on your work without reading into anything he might say or do.
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 Based solely on what you posted which isn't a lot to go on, I suspect he has a GF. He may have realized you liked him so out of respect for her, put some distance in here. 2
Author firestar Posted October 11, 2017 Author Posted October 11, 2017 Ok, I think you're right. Best just to leave him alone.
kendahke Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 I think he isn't interested in me, what do you think? He's not interested in you. I still have a second bike that needs some work before I can sell it, so there is still a reason to go back to the co-op, but seems like I may be chasing a dead end here. Find another bike tech, have him/her fix it and sell it. Going back there, since you're making yourself known on his social media by liking his stuff, will make you appear to be desperate and clueless about him not wanting to deal with you. I can see that from what you've written. And lay off of stalking him. Don't make him unzip the lizard on you. 1
Author firestar Posted October 11, 2017 Author Posted October 11, 2017 He's not interested in you. Find another bike tech, have him/her fix it and sell it. Going back there, since you're making yourself known on his social media by liking his stuff, will make you appear to be desperate and clueless about him not wanting to deal with you. I can see that from what you've written. And lay off of stalking him. Don't make him unzip the lizard on you. Can I go back in 6 months/a year? This bike co-op saved me a serious amount of money (over $250). If I go to a bike tech for the second bike, I'll have to pay for the repairs that can be done for free at the co-op.
kendahke Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 Can I go back in 6 months/a year? This bike co-op saved me a serious amount of money (over $250). If I go to a bike tech for the second bike, I'll have to pay for the repairs that can be done for free at the co-op. You can do whatever you want to do. You just can't control how this guy considers you. By now, he's probably told others at the co-op about you creeping him out at the clinic, so there's that... YouTube is a really good source for learning just about anything. You might want to try to see if your issue is discussed there and do the repair yourself, first, before investing heavily in having to get back to this bike co-op.
Miss Spider Posted October 12, 2017 Posted October 12, 2017 (edited) Definitely keep going to that place. So you acted a bit creepy... Happens to the best of us. That's his problem now. don't let a bit of awkwardness stop you from saving yourself $250!!! Worth it imo BTW, what does "unzip the lizard" mean and why? I've never heard that idiom before Edited October 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author firestar Posted October 12, 2017 Author Posted October 12, 2017 Hah, in 6 months I won't even care what he thinks anymore. Besides, there are some things about him that I don't like anyway and his disinterest frees me to meet someone who is closer to my ideal (someone who is more worldly and well-travelled)! Embarrassment be damned I need to go back there after a few months to repair my second bike that needs to be sold. Market price for it in my city is $300-350--not something one can casually pass up! 1
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