Lovedianaroses Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I've been infatuated with my super hot manager at work for the past few months after I started my new job. He is in his mid 30s and I'm in my late 20s. He is my direct supervisor but we work on different floors, so we don't interact everyday. He seems to be single, or at least not married as no ring is present and there was no mention of a wife from him or other coworkers, but I'm not 100% sure. I am single. Anyway, it began with subtle hints of attraction. In the beginning, he would go out of his way to bump into me on my floor, which I knew because he would come down for trivial reasons and look for me to wave and smile. Whenever I did happen to sit down and have a conversation with him about work relates issues, he always paid attention to every little thing I said and he would remember all the details the next time I spoke to him. Also, I generally thank him and show my appreciation for everything he does to help me and compliment him, and he seems extremely flattered and moved every time, with smiles. Sometimes, when I bump into him, he seems startled and speaks in a lower voice. Other times, he tries to act cool and casual but I can tell his mood changes after he sees me. I thought he was just being friendly because he's generally nice to everyone (but not flirty. He is very professional) but recently he had been calling me into his office on his floor more often for one on one meetings, and he would offer me certain projects saying that he could've given them to other workers but he chose to give them to me first because he wanted to help me. He also said I can call him anytime even if it's late at night if I need to ask for any further help. Our meetings have progressed to where he was just polite and professional to him trying to crack a small joke here and there and asking me about my personal/career life. He has yet to tell me much about his own personal life, but then again, he is the slightly guarded type and we are in a very professional corporate environment. My gut feeling tells me he is into me too or at least somewhat attracted to me, but I'm just not 100% sure. I'm quite the blunt and honest type, so though I do speak formally because of my work environment, I also talk a lot about my life or whatever issue at work freely. He seems to enjoy listening to me talk, but I can't help but feel slightly worried about it, whether I am talking too much or not. From these actions, does it seem like he is into me? I would really like for him to ask me out, or to at least become closer and know more about his personal life, but I don't know how to progress. We are in an industry where it takes a lot of time and experience to move up the ranks, so I know he wouldn't want to risk losing his job, nor do I. However, I'm finding it difficult to let go of the infatuation. What should I do?
No_Go Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 OP this will end VERY badly for you even if he's attracted. The lower one in the hierarchy is the losing one, don't forget, and I personally have never heard of job romance with a manager that doesn't come with a significant loss (most likely losing the job and recommendations). You can search online if he's single (live-in gfs will pop as 'Other Associated People' in most cheap online services, then you check the address), but even if he's single - proceed only if you can swallow losing the job and your professional reputation . 1
introverted1 Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Most companies have policies that would prevent a manager from asking out a subordinate. This guy might be attracted to you, but if he has any common sense, he's not going to act on it. 1
coolheadal Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Take his first and last name and look him up on the voter registration. Since that is public domain. That will tell you if he's married or was he ever married. What you say about all of this will take time. Can't rush thing like this. Remember your at work but things like this does go on at work. When he gets around asking you out for lunch or dinner then you can accept and go for it? By chance since you been to his office did you see any photo's on his desk say kids or a woman? Hint he's married or was married. You can always go to HR and ask them is Mr. Green married? They might tell you yes or no. They might want to know why you are asking you just have to come up with a good excuse. Remember work is work after work you can do whatever you want with this guy if he is that interested as you say. I would try to catch him in the parking lot to learn more about if he really is interested. I doing the same with a co-worker at work, takes long effort, but it's the first time for me to ever ask anyone from work out. There is that moment I feel we still need to understand each other, but everything else is okay, so we both know we can get along without fighting.
mortensorchid Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Trust me, don't get involved with someone you work with. It will end badly for all parties direct and indirect. Move on. Hard to since you see him everyday but ... Trust me, you don't want to. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 He would be foolish indeed to ask you out while he's your supervisor. If the relationship went south he could be opening himself & the company to all sorts of liability. Try for a new position in the company if you don't want to leave & (foolishly) want to date a coworker but do NOTHING while he is your supervisor. 1
kendahke Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 I've been infatuated with my super hot manager at work for the past few months after I started my new job. He is in his mid 30s and I'm in my late 20s. He is my direct supervisor but But nothing. He is your direct supervisor. Don't poop where you eat. If his direct supervisor finds out, you'll be the one out of the job--last hired, first fired. They won't fire him. Find someone you don't work with. Are guys that thin on the ground where you live? 2
firestar Posted October 11, 2017 Posted October 11, 2017 (edited) I'd say proceed with caution and make sure you have an escape. He is being rather aggressive in showing you preferential treatment to the point where it may be violating workplace ethics. But if you really like him and want to give it a shot the good news is that many relationships and marriages start in the workplace. Just be sure that if things go downhill you have an easy exit. First, check your company's policies--can a manager or HR say something nasty about you if a prospective employer calls to do a background check? At my previous company they only gave the dates of a person's employment and nothing else (not if you were fired or laid off) after dealing with some nasty lawsuits from former emplyees. If this is the case and you know you can quit before the poop hits the fan and find a new job pronto, it may be worth risking. It's generally safer and easier to date a coworker of equal or lower status. Superiors can do some serious damage to you in the workplace and judging by how aggressively nice your manager has been my impression is that if love turns sour for him, he can be just as aggressively mean and damage your career! Once again, if you can quit should you break up and he and HR cannot give prospective employers a bad review of you, then go for it. Just know that based on how you've describe him it sounds like he is comfortable using his power to get what he wants. That power can be used favorably towards you or against you! Edited October 11, 2017 by firestar
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