FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I met this guy online and it went great. We had our third date a couple days ago. Most of our date consistent of dinner and drinks. But I kept it together the last two. But the other night I had a long week so I was ordering drinks with dinner together. We both expressed how we liked each other and I was excited about it. He even invited me to a really amazing concert that is this week. So, on this date I ran into a close friend at the restaurant and we all went to a near by bar after. Again, we were all drinking heavy and the guy took me to his house because I wasn't fit to drive. At his house I don't remember much... He told me we didn't have to have sex but, we did. I know it wasn't a good first sexual experience and sloppy on my end. For all I know I could of said or done something really dumb. Things felt kind of weird in the morning . I text him appolgizing for my behavior but he said it was fine and not to worry. Tonight he text saying " I don't think we should see each other again, we're not a good match" I'm really disappointed because I liked him and I'm positive we've still see each other if I wasn't wasted like that. But in my view I'd laugh it off, communicate and give me another chance because I knew I wouldn't drink together again. I thought I could of deserved another chance. What is peoples view on a girl drinking to that extent early on? I think deep down it relaxes me around men. I'm really beating myself up over this.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I met this guy online and it went great. We had our third date a couple days ago. Most of our date consistent of dinner and drinks. But I kept it together the last two. But the other night I had a long week so I was ordering drinks with dinner together. We both expressed how we liked each other and I was excited about it. He even invited me to a really amazing concert that is this week. So, on this date I ran into a close friend at the restaurant and we all went to a near by bar after. Again, we were all drinking heavy and the guy took me to his house because I wasn't fit to drive. At his house I don't remember much... He told me we didn't have to have sex but, we did. I know it wasn't a good first sexual experience and sloppy on my end. For all I know I could of said or done something really dumb. Things felt kind of weird in the morning . I text him appolgizing for my behavior but he said it was fine and not to worry. Tonight he text saying " I don't think we should see each other again, we're not a good match" I'm really disappointed because I liked him and I'm positive we've still see each other if I wasn't wasted like that. But in my view I'd laugh it off, communicate and give me another chance because I knew I wouldn't drink together again. I thought I could of deserved another chance. What is peoples view on a girl drinking to that extent early on? I think deep down it relaxes me around men. I'm really beating myself up over this. Honestly, there is just no way to know now whether your level of intoxication contributed to his decision. Maybe, maybe not. From now on, probably best to stick to a 2 drink maximum on dates as a rule. Enough to relax you/take away most anxiety, but not enough to really inhibit your decision making skills. 3
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I think it's really unsafe to drink to the point of intoxication on any date, with any man. Seriously - you had sex with this guy and you don't remember it... And your concern is that he has told you he doesn't want to see you again - you want to know why he won't give you another chance? What about std's? What about pregnancy? What about the fact that this guy may have had sex with a woman who was intoxicated and unable to consent - and then may have lied about it the next day... Darling, you got bigger problems than wondering whether the fact that you were $$$$-face drink is the reason why he didn't call the next day... 3
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 I remember having sex but it's just really hazy.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 We used a condom. And yeah, I take ownership for my mistakes. Not here to be even more judged.
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I remember having sex but it's just really hazy. If that is the case, you shouldn't be having sex... And seriously, what does that say about this guy if he had sex with an intoxicated woman and then lied to you and told you it didn't happen the next morning? Sweetheart, you need to learn from this experience or you will get yourself into big trouble. No judgment. Just a warning...
Miss Spider Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 it seems wrong he didn't just take you home if you were that faded :/ 3
Mike B. Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 This type of stuff happens but I would really make sure you don't repeat this during the early stages. I like drinking too but if it gets to the point that you will have trouble recalling events, then you know that that just can't look attractive on a date. I generally like women that drink. It is cool just sitting with them at a good bar or restaurant and just put back a few nice drinks with them but a drunk date really can be a turn-off. A couple of years ago, I was on a 4th date with someone who organized a night of bar hopping and invited friends, family including me to one. A nice big group turned out for it. By the time we made it to the second location, she had a intoxicated behavior and it culminated into just unattractiveness. I left by the time everyone started hopping over to the 3rd location up the street despite her telling me that she had plans to take me home. I recalled thinking "you can keep that drunk *****." I never saw or heard from her again. She was visibly annoyed at me leaving so early. I imagine that you probably didn't look too good on your date either. It's cool if you are in a relationship and one snuck up on you but in the early stages, I would stop after a small few. 1
Sara1989 Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 it seems wrong he didn't just take you home if you were that faded :/ This and the fact he had sex with her when she was so intoxicated. He then dumped you the next night as it was a turn off! what a jerk. How can he act so high and mighty when he took his very drunk date home and ****ed/dumped her. He sounds like a total jerk to me. 8
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 I asked him to take me to his house (because I wasn't fit to drive home and he lived a couple blocks away) In all fairness, he did say a couple times "we don't gave to do this" I could tell he was hesitant . .. but we went thru it anyway. But yeah. Pretty ****ty to sleep with them and dump them the next day.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 This and the fact he had sex with her when she was so intoxicated. He then dumped you the next night as it was a turn off! what a jerk. How can he act so high and mighty when he took his very drunk date home and ****ed/dumped her. He sounds like a total jerk to me. Honestly, Thank you for this. I agree, maybe he could of been more assertive and said no to having sex. But yeah, I'd feel like a bad person to sleep with them and then dump them the next day. Could of at least talk about it and had sober hang outs.
LovelyRose Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Honestly, Thank you for this. I agree, maybe he could of been more assertive and said no to having sex. But yeah, I'd feel like a bad person to sleep with them and then dump them the next day. Could of at least talk about it and had sober hang outs. Of course he would say we don't have to do this. But I bet you his fingers were probably crossed behind his back, lol. Forget about him and just take this as a lesson. 2
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 If that is the case, you shouldn't be having sex... And seriously, what does that say about this guy if he had sex with an intoxicated woman and then lied to you and told you it didn't happen the next morning? Sweetheart, you need to learn from this experience or you will get yourself into big trouble. No judgment. Just a warning... Who's saying he lied? That's not the case here ...
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 Of course he would say we don't have to do this. But I bet you his fingers were probably crossed behind his back, lol. Forget about him and just take this as a lesson. 100% I will take this as a lesson. Think I'm gonna work on myself before trying to date again. 1
LovelyRose Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 100% I will take this as a lesson. Think I'm gonna work on myself before trying to date again. Excellent idea! Hope all works out for you
PegNosePete Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 What is peoples view on a girl drinking to that extent early on? My view is that it's incredibly dumb to get that drunk with someone you barely know. It seems he was just after sex and dumped you as soon as he got it, but this story could have ended MUCH worse. If I was dating someone who got that drunk then I would see it as a red flag. It shows she has no regard for personal safety and doesn't make good choices. 2
kortz Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 It could either be that the drunken sloppy sex was actually a bit of a turn off for him and now he sees you in a different light and that makes him feel differently. However I think it's more likely that he might just be out there casual dating and once you 'did the deed' you were no longer a challenge and he's onto the next. For a lot of guys casual dating, perusing someone for a few dates leading to sex can be their only goal but it's wrong when they're not up front about their intentions from the start. Either way don't worry about it, its part of dating and it's all too easy for someone to go cold and send you a basic text like that. You'll learn from it. 1
joseb Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 And seriously, what does that say about this guy if he had sex with an intoxicated woman and then lied to you and told you it didn't happen the next morning? . What are you talking about? Where in the post did you see anything about him lying to her? "For all I know I could of said or done something really dumb." OP, i think you probably half remember doing/saying something "dumb" otherwise why would you make this comment? Anyway, as to why he 'dumped' you, could be a lot of reasons. Mildly drunken sex can be fun, but if someone is pretty pissed it's usually pretty crap, so seems like its either that, or you did say/do something really stupid. I'm no teetotaller, and I've had the odd inebriated hookup. Luckily I can laugh at them now, but I try not to get into that situation.
Miss Spider Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 This and the fact he had sex with her when she was so intoxicated. He then dumped you the next night as it was a turn off! what a jerk. How can he act so high and mighty when he took his very drunk date home and ****ed/dumped her. He sounds like a total jerk to me. Agreed very much. I am 'weird' in that I don't think I've ever been drunk, but would think that if you are so faded that you aren't sure what you did/said it is very evident to those around you? So it makes the whole consent thing so blurry. That this guy seemed hesitant enough to tell a very drunk girl lacking most of her decision making faculties "we don't have to do this" but went ahead and did it anyway says a lot. On top of that, if her being so drunk was such a turn off, he should have just ended it there. .. Just seems super sketch
O'Malley Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Becoming that intoxicated can give off a "partier" impression. However he still chose to have sex with you - a near stranger - when you were obviously inebriated and not in a state to make proper judgments, so he doesn't hold any higher moral ground here. Not that you were victimized, because you feel that you weren't, but that you can't make the best or safest choices for yourself when you're intoxicated and he easily had the option of turning you down, calling you a uber or letting you sleep it off if he was uncomfortable with the situation. Learn to limit your alcohol intake and enjoy socializing without alcohol. 1
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Who's saying he lied? That's not the case here ... My mistake. I read your post wrong - I thought it said " He said we didn't have (to have) sex, but we did..." Totally my mistake and I apologize.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 I feel really disappointed about the whole thing. To be honest, I think I've developed a bit of a drinking problem. I don't think everyday. But when I do drink, I usually drink to get wasted. It was a wake up call and an issue I need to address. I'm not ready to date until I face this problem. Deep down I think this guy was actually a decent person. But no better then I am. I really screwed it all up by making poor choices And put myself at risk with him. 3
lucy_in_disguise Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I feel really disappointed about the whole thing. To be honest, I think I've developed a bit of a drinking problem. I don't think everyday. But when I do drink, I usually drink to get wasted. It was a wake up call and an issue I need to address. I'm not ready to date until I face this problem. Deep down I think this guy was actually a decent person. But no better then I am. I really screwed it all up by making poor choices And put myself at risk with him. I'm glad you're addressing the issue, but don't kid yourself that he's a decent person. A decent person would not have had sex with someone who was too inebriated to consent. He powered through it and then had the hypocrisy to judge you. Good riddance! 2
CptInsano Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I feel really disappointed about the whole thing. To be honest, I think I've developed a bit of a drinking problem. I don't think everyday. But when I do drink, I usually drink to get wasted. [...] And put myself at risk with him. If you were that wasted you didn't make choices, you were going along with the flow. That means you were not particularly at risk with him, you were a risk to yourself in general. Drinking to get wasted, and what triggers the desire to drink to get wasted, are the core to the problem IMHO. 1
BaileyB Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 I feel really disappointed about the whole thing. To be honest, I think I've developed a bit of a drinking problem. I don't think everyday. But when I do drink, I usually drink to get wasted. It was a wake up call and an issue I need to address. I'm not ready to date until I face this problem. Deep down I think this guy was actually a decent person. But no better then I am. I really screwed it all up by making poor choices And put myself at risk with him. We all make decisions in life that we regret. The most important thing is to learn from our mistakes. Good for you for being honest with yourself and facing a rather unpleasant truth. You will grow from this experience and your future will be better because of what happened. Wishing you well... 2
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