Annalie Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I have been dating this guy for few months and things are pretty good, except that today I had enough. He is a good guy. We talk daily and go out whenever we can. However, i am very busy and can't do things that require the entire day time. Finally in August, I had a break from school and he asked me to do something in the city. I said yes. When the day came (I actually spend the night at his house and in the morning he told me, he had plans to watch mayweather vs mcgregor match with his brother and friends. I was hurt but didn't say anything and he obviously forgot that we talked about spending the day in the city and doing something fun. Recently, it was my bday and I told my friends that on the actual day, I am having dinnner with my bf and they can see me any other day. He took me out for my bday and we enjoyed nice dinner. His bday is this week and he is spending the day at his parents house (he also has a twin brother), so I am taking him out the following day. This morning, I told him, I have a week break from school around the 21st and I will take a day off from work to go hiking. He said he would like to join me. I checked the weather and it was all perfect. 10 minutes later he texted me he just realized has plans for the 21st, his friend has a bonfire that night but we can go another day. I told him that the following week I will probably be busy with school again. Then, I told him, my guy friend can go with me on Sunday (I also work Sunday but can take Sunday off). He texted "ok, can't wait to see you this Thursday." I texted him that we were done. I am mad because every single Saturday he is home, he usually works on his house. Sunday he spends with his parents and I never even thought of asking him to go with me on Sunday. He also works Monday to Friday (I only work Sat and Sunday and I still offered to take Saturday off, despite the fact that I really need money) I just feel I have to work around his schedule a lot. Was it too much to expect him to cancel bonfire thing? Btw. After I told him how I feel, he texted asking if he could call me tonight to talk. Also he asked what I want him to do. I replied that I don't spend enough time with him and that is not what I want.
Mike B. Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Well, during the beginning stages of my last relationship with my ex-girlfriend, my ex and I were sitting down at a table at a restaurant. All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "Time...I want more of it with you." I said "ok" and we finished our dinner. The next year we spent more time with each other until we broke up.
Author Annalie Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 Well, during the beginning stages of my last relationship with my ex-girlfriend, my ex and I were sitting down at a table at a restaurant. All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "Time...I want more of it with you." I said "ok" and we finished our dinner. The next year we spent more time with each other until we broke up. You think i should tell him that I want to spend more time with him? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I have been dating this guy for few months and things are pretty good, except that today I had enough. He is a good guy. We talk daily and go out whenever we can. However, i am very busy and can't do things that require the entire day time. Finally in August, I had a break from school and he asked me to do something in the city. I said yes. When the day came (I actually spend the night at his house and in the morning he told me, he had plans to watch mayweather vs mcgregor match with his brother and friends. I was hurt but didn't say anything and he obviously forgot that we talked about spending the day in the city and doing something fun. Recently, it was my bday and I told my friends that on the actual day, I am having dinnner with my bf and they can see me any other day. He took me out for my bday and we enjoyed nice dinner. His bday is this week and he is spending the day at his parents house (he also has a twin brother), so I am taking him out the following day. This morning, I told him, I have a week break from school around the 21st and I will take a day off from work to go hiking. He said he would like to join me. I checked the weather and it was all perfect. 10 minutes later he texted me he just realized has plans for the 21st, his friend has a bonfire that night but we can go another day. I told him that the following week I will probably be busy with school again. Then, I told him, my guy friend can go with me on Sunday (I also work Sunday but can take Sunday off). He texted "ok, can't wait to see you this Thursday." I texted him that we were done. I am mad because every single Saturday he is home, he usually works on his house. Sunday he spends with his parents and I never even thought of asking him to go with me on Sunday. He also works Monday to Friday (I only work Sat and Sunday and I still offered to take Saturday off, despite the fact that I really need money) I just feel I have to work around his schedule a lot. Was it too much to expect him to cancel bonfire thing? Btw. After I told him how I feel, he texted asking if he could call me tonight to talk. Also he asked what I want him to do. I replied that I don't spend enough time with him and that is not what I want. It isn't just him who doesn't have a lot of time, as you said. Why don't you go to the bonfire with him? How about going to his house on Saturdays to help him work on it? What's the deal with asking another guy to hike on Sunday?? What did you want his reaction to be? 3 months is not nearly enough time to see if he's not willing/able to spend enough time with you. Not even close. You could just be in a period of scheduling conflicts. You are giving up too easily, IMO. 2
LovelyRose Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I have been dating this guy for few months and things are pretty good, except that today I had enough. He is a good guy. We talk daily and go out whenever we can. However, i am very busy and can't do things that require the entire day time. Finally in August, I had a break from school and he asked me to do something in the city. I said yes. When the day came (I actually spend the night at his house and in the morning he told me, he had plans to watch mayweather vs mcgregor match with his brother and friends. I was hurt but didn't say anything and he obviously forgot that we talked about spending the day in the city and doing something fun. Recently, it was my bday and I told my friends that on the actual day, I am having dinnner with my bf and they can see me any other day. He took me out for my bday and we enjoyed nice dinner. His bday is this week and he is spending the day at his parents house (he also has a twin brother), so I am taking him out the following day. This morning, I told him, I have a week break from school around the 21st and I will take a day off from work to go hiking. He said he would like to join me. I checked the weather and it was all perfect. 10 minutes later he texted me he just realized has plans for the 21st, his friend has a bonfire that night but we can go another day. I told him that the following week I will probably be busy with school again. Then, I told him, my guy friend can go with me on Sunday (I also work Sunday but can take Sunday off). He texted "ok, can't wait to see you this Thursday." I texted him that we were done. I am mad because every single Saturday he is home, he usually works on his house. Sunday he spends with his parents and I never even thought of asking him to go with me on Sunday. He also works Monday to Friday (I only work Sat and Sunday and I still offered to take Saturday off, despite the fact that I really need money) I just feel I have to work around his schedule a lot. Was it too much to expect him to cancel bonfire thing? Btw. After I told him how I feel, he texted asking if he could call me tonight to talk. Also he asked what I want him to do. I replied that I don't spend enough time with him and that is not what I want. Hello Annalie, Your beginning sentence made me laugh. I don't mean that to insult you but it did. Things are pretty good but today you've had enough? That doesn't make sense to me. I remember your Mayweather post and we already told you that you should have said something about it. It was pure misunderstanding and you CHOSE not to speak up. You got hurt and you allowed it because you chose not to communicate with him. The problem I see from you is you don't communicate well with your bf. Maybe you just expect him to know exactly what's on your mind and what you want. If he doesn't get it then you blow up. You can't really expect the issue to be fixed if you can't lay it out in the open for your bf to fix. It's his birthday and spending it with his family. Why aren't you coming? Are you not welcome yet to join family events? The bonfire event I understand why you got upset. First of all, I know hiking are usually done super early in the morning before it gets really hot so I don't understand why he can't do both if bonfire is at night. Also, are you invited to this bonfire, whether you can or can't attend? But the thing is, you don't speak up. If something is not right with you, TELL HIM. Don't just say ok and then next thing you know you just broke up with him through text. VERY BAD! I can't necessarily agree with you that he's making you go around his schedule. I feel like he is just super clueless on how to please you. He knows you are an extremely busy person so he probably respects that and just make plans on his own when he knows you're not available. When you are suddenly free, it may not be as easy to just drop everything for you. But communication is key. You are the gf right? Kindly tell him that you would be so happy if you two spend time together on your rare free time. If he says he really can't cancel his event then suggest a compromise. Don't just keep quiet and let yourself blow up inside. You need to guide your bf to what you really want. You get upset and you put him on blast on here yet you don't ever communicate with him. Does that sound fair to you? How is that helping you? 3
LovelyRose Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 You think i should tell him that I want to spend more time with him? BIG FAT YES! You don't talk to your bf. You leave him in the dark about what you want from him. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Hello Annalie, Your beginning sentence made me laugh. I don't mean that to insult you but it did. Things are pretty good but today you've had enough? That doesn't make sense to me. I remember your Mayweather post and we already told you that you should have said something about it. It was pure misunderstanding and you CHOSE not to speak up. You got hurt and you allowed it because you chose not to communicate with him. The problem I see from you is you don't communicate well with your bf. Maybe you just expect him to know exactly what's on your mind and what you want. If he doesn't get it then you blow up. You can't really expect the issue to be fixed if you can't lay it out in the open for your bf to fix. It's his birthday and spending it with his family. Why aren't you coming? Are you not welcome yet to join family events? The bonfire event I understand why you got upset. First of all, I know hiking are usually done super early in the morning before it gets really hot so I don't understand why he can't do both if bonfire is at night. Also, are you invited to this bonfire, whether you can or can't attend? But the thing is, you don't speak up. If something is not right with you, TELL HIM. Don't just say ok and then next thing you know you just broke up with him through text. VERY BAD! I can't necessarily agree with you that he's making you go around his schedule. I feel like he is just super clueless on how to please you. He knows you are an extremely busy person so he probably respects that and just make plans on his own when he knows you're not available. When you are suddenly free, it may not be as easy to just drop everything for you. But communication is key. You are the gf right? Kindly tell him that you would be so happy if you two spend time together on your rare free time. If he says he really can't cancel his event then suggest a compromise. Don't just keep quiet and let yourself blow up inside. You need to guide your bf to what you really want. You get upset and you put him on blast on here yet you don't ever communicate with him. Does that sound fair to you? How is that helping you? Great, great advice. 2
Author Annalie Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 Hello Annalie, Your beginning sentence made me laugh. I don't mean that to insult you but it did. Things are pretty good but today you've had enough? That doesn't make sense to me. I remember your Mayweather post and we already told you that you should have said something about it. It was pure misunderstanding and you CHOSE not to speak up. You got hurt and you allowed it because you chose not to communicate with him. The problem I see from you is you don't communicate well with your bf. Maybe you just expect him to know exactly what's on your mind and what you want. If he doesn't get it then you blow up. You can't really expect the issue to be fixed if you can't lay it out in the open for your bf to fix. It's his birthday and spending it with his family. Why aren't you coming? Are you not welcome yet to join family events? The bonfire event I understand why you got upset. First of all, I know hiking are usually done super early in the morning before it gets really hot so I don't understand why he can't do both if bonfire is at night. Also, are you invited to this bonfire, whether you can or can't attend? But the thing is, you don't speak up. If something is not right with you, TELL HIM. Don't just say ok and then next thing you know you just broke up with him through text. VERY BAD! I can't necessarily agree with you that he's making you go around his schedule. I feel like he is just super clueless on how to please you. He knows you are an extremely busy person so he probably respects that and just make plans on his own when he knows you're not available. When you are suddenly free, it may not be as easy to just drop everything for you. But communication is key. You are the gf right? Kindly tell him that you would be so happy if you two spend time together on your rare free time. If he says he really can't cancel his event then suggest a compromise. Don't just keep quiet and let yourself blow up inside. You need to guide your bf to what you really want. You get upset and you put him on blast on here yet you don't ever communicate with him. Does that sound fair to you? How is that helping you? No worries, I thought the same thing as I was writing the first sentence but i was so upset my mind was blank and I couldn't phrase it better. What I meant is that other things are pretty good. For example, he never pressured me for sex, he takes me out often, he talks to me every day, all day and he initiates 80% of the time. For his bday, I am not invited to his parents house. i haven't met anyone except for his brother but according to my bf they know about me. Bonfire thing, I am not sure. He never invited me to that one either, but to his defense I always work weekends and to be honest I wouldn't take a day off for something like that (I am in school Mon-Fri, and i only work two days and barely make enough money). But this morning, I realized that i finally have a little break from school and that going away from the city will really do good for me and my hectic life (and taking a day off is a small price to pay). Hiking place is 3 hours away and it would probably take the entire day. As for the previous misunderstanding, when he decided to watch the fight, I actually brought it up recently. He seemed in shock and apologized and told me "I am going to make sure that doesn't happen again."
Mike B. Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 You think i should tell him that I want to spend more time with him? Yes. My main point is that you need to communicate. I am not familiar with your previous posts but judging from the above responses this seems to be an area that has some shortcomings on your end.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 No worries, I thought the same thing as I was writing the first sentence but i was so upset my mind was blank and I couldn't phrase it better. What I meant is that other things are pretty good. For example, he never pressured me for sex, he takes me out often, he talks to me every day, all day and he initiates 80% of the time. For his bday, I am not invited to his parents house. i haven't met anyone except for his brother but according to my bf they know about me. Bonfire thing, I am not sure. He never invited me to that one either, but to his defense I always work weekends and to be honest I wouldn't take a day off for something like that (I am in school Mon-Fri, and i only work two days and barely make enough money). But this morning, I realized that i finally have a little break from school and that going away from the city will really do good for me and my hectic life (and taking a day off is a small price to pay). Hiking place is 3 hours away and it would probably take the entire day. As for the previous misunderstanding, when he decided to watch the fight, I actually brought it up recently. He seemed in shock and apologized and told me "I am going to make sure that doesn't happen again." Honestly, Annalie, and I don't mean to be harsh, but he is not at all at fault here. You are busier than he is, and you need to be better at communicating clearly, and well ahead of time, so that you two can figure out when you can spend time together. 1
Author Annalie Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 It isn't just him who doesn't have a lot of time, as you said. Why don't you go to the bonfire with him? How about going to his house on Saturdays to help him work on it? What's the deal with asking another guy to hike on Sunday?? What did you want his reaction to be? 3 months is not nearly enough time to see if he's not willing/able to spend enough time with you. Not even close. You could just be in a period of scheduling conflicts. You are giving up too easily, IMO. I work Saturdays, I can't afford to go over to his house and help him. I am not invited for bonfire and again I work Saturday 12pm to 9pm. I asked the guy because I really need time away from everything. i have been working/going to school 7 days a week for the last two years with almost no breaks.
LovelyRose Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 No worries, I thought the same thing as I was writing the first sentence but i was so upset my mind was blank and I couldn't phrase it better. What I meant is that other things are pretty good. For example, he never pressured me for sex, he takes me out often, he talks to me every day, all day and he initiates 80% of the time. For his bday, I am not invited to his parents house. i haven't met anyone except for his brother but according to my bf they know about me. Bonfire thing, I am not sure. He never invited me to that one either, but to his defense I always work weekends and to be honest I wouldn't take a day off for something like that (I am in school Mon-Fri, and i only work two days and barely make enough money). But this morning, I realized that i finally have a little break from school and that going away from the city will really do good for me and my hectic life (and taking a day off is a small price to pay). Hiking place is 3 hours away and it would probably take the entire day. As for the previous misunderstanding, when he decided to watch the fight, I actually brought it up recently. He seemed in shock and apologized and told me "I am going to make sure that doesn't happen again." See what I mean? Communication is key. I'm glad you talked to him about the Mayweather fight incident. Could you please clarify as I am not fully sure. Are you two official bf/gf? Is it really only been 3 months? Anyway, with what you said above, I still don't feel it's major red flag but him being clueless. The bonfire event was planned before you knew you were going to be free. Sometimes guys are very clueless and have limited thinking. That's from my experience. So if he didn't invite you even after knowing you are free, you can't assume bad things. He probably just wasn't thinking about it. He's so used to you being busy and all that inviting you along didn't occur to him. So why don't you ask if you could come along? I don't see anything wrong with that. My boyfriend is very chill. I mean VERY chill. If you tell him something, he listens, doesn't argue and just say ok. So your conversation with your guy from your original thread would sound exactly like my bf. If you say no then no. If you say yes then yes. No questions asked. One teeny tiny situation is he doesn't suggest options. I normally do all the suggestions and other options if one thing won't work for us. That's why we somehow balance each other. Because I'm the talker. I talk a lot. So if I want something from him I tell him directly. No playing guessing games. I feel like you over reacted breaking up with him most especially if he has a lot of good qualities and treats you well.
LovelyRose Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I work Saturdays, I can't afford to go over to his house and help him. I am not invited for bonfire and again I work Saturday 12pm to 9pm. I asked the guy because I really need time away from everything. i have been working/going to school 7 days a week for the last two years with almost no breaks. You said you are off around the 21st which is a Saturday. So are you saying you can go hiking on Saturday morning and then go to work in the afternoon, leaving you not being available for bonfire at night even if he invites you? He is respectful and understanding of your extremely busy schedule. You said it yourself, you can't even take a full day to spend time with him. But he did sound excited seeing you on Thursday. It's not fair that you expect him to just drop everything for you whenever you are free. You could ask nicely and tell him what you would like, but don't assume or require him to do it for you. You're dating this guy, it's ok to ask and inform him what you want.
Author Annalie Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 See what I mean? Communication is key. I'm glad you talked to him about the Mayweather fight incident. Could you please clarify as I am not fully sure. Are you two official bf/gf? Is it really only been 3 months? Anyway, with what you said above, I still don't feel it's major red flag but him being clueless. The bonfire event was planned before you knew you were going to be free. Sometimes guys are very clueless and have limited thinking. That's from my experience. So if he didn't invite you even after knowing you are free, you can't assume bad things. He probably just wasn't thinking about it. He's so used to you being busy and all that inviting you along didn't occur to him. So why don't you ask if you could come along? I don't see anything wrong with that. My boyfriend is very chill. I mean VERY chill. If you tell him something, he listens, doesn't argue and just say ok. So your conversation with your guy from your original thread would sound exactly like my bf. If you say no then no. If you say yes then yes. No questions asked. One teeny tiny situation is he doesn't suggest options. I normally do all the suggestions and other options if one thing won't work for us. That's why we somehow balance each other. Because I'm the talker. I talk a lot. So if I want something from him I tell him directly. No playing guessing games. I feel like you over reacted breaking up with him most especially if he has a lot of good qualities and treats you well. I am not exactly free for bonfire thing. I would only take a day off to go hiking (since I have a break from school it means no studying, no stressing). Otherwise, I need to work because i need money. As for official bf/gf, we have never talked about it but he mentioned it once and it was so funny. He told me he went to see his doctor earlier that day and told him his gf is also in health care field. My first thought was "you have a gf:mad::mad:" Then, I realized he was talking about me. But we never really talked about what we are. But he often talks about future, like taking trips together once i am done with school.
Author Annalie Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 It is 10 o'clock and I am losing any hope that he will call at all. I think that says a lot about how much he cares. (He said he was going to his little brother's bday party and then he would call to talk). My ex did this to me and it really pisses me off. He left me hanging for a week and never called.
LovelyRose Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 It is 10 o'clock and I am losing any hope that he will call at all. I think that says a lot about how much he cares. (He said he was going to his little brother's bday party and then he would call to talk). My ex did this to me and it really pisses me off. He left me hanging for a week and never called. Can you seriously blame him? You dumped him through text over something so petty, in which may I emphasize you never communicated well. You basically dumped him for not cancelling his bonfire event where you could have at least just be straight forward and tell him, "hey babe I would really love for us to spend time together today by going hiking and also I would love to hangout more even if it means putting more effort into it." If that bonfire plan is more important for him that he wouldn't cancel even after you ask you still can't be fully upset. You could express disappointment in a more mature way but you can't attack him for it. He may have thought about things more and now needs time to think too. Don't assume the worse. To say this shows how much he cares is totally wrong in my opinion. Do you think that breaking up with him through text without ever talking to him about the issue screams that you care for him? But with all this situation aside, I am getting the impression that you two are still in the getting to know phase, very early stage in your relationship. I'm not saying because it's only been three months but it's because of what you have shared so far. You're not invited to family events yet. He has not introduced you to his family. How do you guys hangout? I know he works and you go to school but do you have opposite schedule. I mean, do you ever hangout at night and stay over at each other's place? My ex worked very late but we saw each other everyday even if it means just having dinner together and then go to bed. You haven't even clarified your actual label yet with each other. Which proves my point that you shouldn't be just expecting him to drop everyrhing for you when you all of a sudden free up your day. If he doesn't call you and you are seriously done with him then let it go. But if you realize you made a mistake and actually want to fix this, then I say text him tomorrow and ask if he still wants to talk. Don't just sit around and wait for him. Maybe it's time to ask him what you two really are. If you guys are taking things slow and if this is heading somewhere. Because I would like to guess that is probably one reason why you can't just communicate with him. Maybe you don't know your exact place with him therefore you expect him to just do certain things to put your mind at ease that he is still with you? Am I right or wrong?
Author Annalie Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 So when he didn't call by 11pm, I got so anxious and couldn't go to sleep. I texted him and he replied an hour later that he "thought he was good to me." I ignored that and said "you said you were going to call. you have no idea how many times you said you were going to do something but you never did" He texted "I will call, relax:). stop beating me up please." When he still didn't call 30 minutes later that pissed me off and I said some really mean things to him and now we are done for good. He said that my words hurt him realllyyy deep. I don't get it why it was so difficult to call. it was disrespectful
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 now we are done for good. Probably for the best. 1
Zahara Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 So when he didn't call by 11pm, I got so anxious and couldn't go to sleep. I texted him and he replied an hour later that he "thought he was good to me." I ignored that and said "you said you were going to call. you have no idea how many times you said you were going to do something but you never did" He texted "I will call, relax:). stop beating me up please." When he still didn't call 30 minutes later that pissed me off and I said some really mean things to him and now we are done for good. He said that my words hurt him realllyyy deep. I don't get it why it was so difficult to call. it was disrespectful While you don't seem to know how to communicate yourself in terms of your needs/wants, you also seem to be very impulsive/rash in the way you handle conflict. He likely didn't call because he was processing how you abruptly cut him at the knees. He was likely hurt, angry and going through his own set of emotions. Try to step into the other person's shoes. Granted he should have said he was not ready to talk but I can understand how he feels -- probably confused and unsure as to how to proceed. You ended it with him by text which on your part was disrespectful and when you didn't get the response you wanted from him, you chopped him up again. Try to look at your own part in this. It would seem that conflict may probably arise again and conclude in a similar nature. So maybe it is better off this way. 1
Author Annalie Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 While you don't seem to know how to communicate yourself in terms of your needs/wants, you also seem to be very impulsive/rash in the way you handle conflict. He likely didn't call because he was processing how you abruptly cut him at the knees. He was likely hurt, angry and going through his own set of emotions. Try to step into the other person's shoes. Granted he should have said he was not ready to talk but I can understand how he feels -- probably confused and unsure as to how to proceed. You ended it with him by text which on your part was disrespectful and when you didn't get the response you wanted from him, you chopped him up again. Try to look at your own part in this. It would seem that conflict may probably arise again and conclude in a similar nature. So maybe it is better off this way. While I get that I am the worst communicator as well, it is hard to understand certain things. For example, he didn't call... fine, maybe he felt weird about everything. But then, i asked him why and I told him to let me know because I have to go to sleep. And he replies "relax, I will call" and never does. I mean, it is midnight, I have to get up at 5.30am. Who does that? I find this extremely weird and this is the reason I wanted to spend more time with him, outside of bars, restaurants or his house. I don't know him well enough.
Zahara Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 (edited) While I get that I am the worst communicator as well, it is hard to understand certain things. For example, he didn't call... fine, maybe he felt weird about everything. But then, i asked him why and I told him to let me know because I have to go to sleep. And he replies "relax, I will call" and never does. I mean, it is midnight, I have to get up at 5.30am. Who does that? I find this extremely weird and this is the reason I wanted to spend more time with him, outside of bars, restaurants or his house. I don't know him well enough. You jump off the ledge, abruptly break off with him and worst of all you do it over text. Who does that? He probably doesn't know you as well either. Your behavior was appalling but yet you're sitting here feeling wronged because he didn't call you when he said he would. If someone broke up with me out of the blue and did it over text, I would have told them to go kick rocks. He was likely pissed mad, hurt and confused and didn't want to talk to you and maybe there was a part of him that did want to talk to you to try and salvage it. Understand that he was likely finding it hard to process what happened and was sitting on the fence and didn't know how to move forward. Granted he could have said he was not able to call but you should at least have some flexibility and tolerance as this all happened because you didn't know how to manage yourself in the situation. You could have easily said to him, "I'm sorry I acted impulsively and you're probably trying to process what just happened. We can talk tomorrow if you are not ready to do so tonight. I hope we can work things out." Instead you jump on him again because you can't deal with your own anxiety and then verbally come down on him. Edited October 10, 2017 by Zahara 2
LovelyRose Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 While I get that I am the worst communicator as well, it is hard to understand certain things. For example, he didn't call... fine, maybe he felt weird about everything. But then, i asked him why and I told him to let me know because I have to go to sleep. And he replies "relax, I will call" and never does. I mean, it is midnight, I have to get up at 5.30am. Who does that? I find this extremely weird and this is the reason I wanted to spend more time with him, outside of bars, restaurants or his house. I don't know him well enough. Did you read anything I said at all? So still, non of this is your fault? You pushed this poor guy to his limit. He needed time to think. You should have respected him and his need for space to process things through. You ended it in a very bad way and then you demanded that he talk to you when you want it? On top of that said more mean things to him. I don't know what to say anymore. It doesn't sound you would listen anyway. He's better off without you. Work on yourself first and learn how to treat others well before you expect/demand the same treatment. 1
LovelyRose Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 So when he didn't call by 11pm, I got so anxious and couldn't go to sleep. I texted him and he replied an hour later that he "thought he was good to me." I ignored that and said "you said you were going to call. you have no idea how many times you said you were going to do something but you never did" He texted "I will call, relax:). stop beating me up please." When he still didn't call 30 minutes later that pissed me off and I said some really mean things to him and now we are done for good. He said that my words hurt him realllyyy deep. I don't get it why it was so difficult to call. it was disrespectful You don't respect this guy at all and only care about yourself. He told you he thinks he was good to you and all you can say is that "you said you were going to call." He already told you that you hurt him deeply and again, all you could think of is yourself and why it was hard for him to call? The guy did the right thing not calling you. It would be pointless. Just let this guy go and leave him alone. You are not ready to be in a serious mature relationship. 2
Author Annalie Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 Did you read anything I said at all? So still, non of this is your fault? You pushed this poor guy to his limit. He needed time to think. You should have respected him and his need for space to process things through. You ended it in a very bad way and then you demanded that he talk to you when you want it? On top of that said more mean things to him. I don't know what to say anymore. It doesn't sound you would listen anyway. He's better off without you. Work on yourself first and learn how to treat others well before you expect/demand the same treatment. Saying "hold on, I will call" without any intention to call at 12.30am is just weird and mean. While i can understand him not calling by 11pm, when I texted him he pretty much put me down by saying to relax and just made me wait more when I was ready to go to sleep.
Zahara Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Saying "hold on, I will call" without any intention to call at 12.30am is just weird and mean. While i can understand him not calling by 11pm, when I texted him he pretty much put me down by saying to relax and just made me wait more when I was ready to go to sleep. Do you take any accountability as to how much you hurt him? And how unkind/cold it was to cut him at the knees? Did you even apologize? I don't see you reflecting on how your behavior impacted him. It's all about you. I sense strong entitlement -- you can't see your part in this. 1
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