Romantic_Antics Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 The very first thing she ever lied to me about was her age. We had just met when she told me she was 32 and then after we became official the topic of her age somehow came up (can't remember, this was 4 months ago) and she asked me "How old did I tell you I was again?" When I told her "32" she admitted to being 35. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it, but she apologized profusely and claimed she didn't want to give her real age to someone she'd just met. I let it go, but it raised a red flag. Then she lied to me about smoking, lied to me about dumping a bunch of money into some online video game, and lied about a trip she was going to take. Her ex husband was also recently awarded sole custody of their son and she claims, ironically, that it happened because he told a bunch of lies to the judge. The relationship has actually been very good for the most part, but the lies have left me unable to fully trust her and have made me insecure about the relationship. Any time I get insecure, it becomes all about my insecurity and she doesn't seem to fully understand or appreciate the impact that her lies have had. It makes me wonder what else she might be lying about. I love her, but I'm having a hard time with trust/insecurity and am wondering if I should walk away. Thoughts/advice? 2
hippychick3 Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Yes, walk away. Actually, run. Not only is she a liar, her parenting abilities are questionable to say the least to lose complete custody of her son. 5
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 The only thing that you can trust about this woman is that she will lie to you again... At 35 years old, she should know that is kind of behavior isn't appropriate in a mature, healthy relationship. I would walk away... 6
knabe Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Not only is she lying, it sounds like she is lying about things that she really doesn't "have to" lie about. That seems kind of...pathological or something. If it were me, I would always be on edge with someone like that. Hold out for a honest woman. 2
Author Romantic_Antics Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 Yes, walk away. Actually, run. Not only is she a liar, her parenting abilities are questionable to say the least to lose complete custody of her son. Yeah, I know. Losing complete custody of her son wouldn't happen without a valid reason. The courts do their best anymore to make sure there is at least joint custody for the sake of the child. On top of that, they're typically very lenient or preferential towards the mother. She claims she missed a court date because she was never notified (questionable) and that she lost custody based on the missed court date and her ex's lies (questionable). Even if she'd never lied to me before, I would probably still question the validity of her story about why her ex was awarded sole custody. Missing a court date for something that important is, at best, irresponsible and I'm pretty sure that one parent couldn't win sole custody by telling the judge a bunch of lies. 3
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Yeah, I know. Losing complete custody of her son wouldn't happen without a valid reason. The courts do their best anymore to make sure there is at least joint custody for the sake of the child. On top of that, they're typically very lenient or preferential towards the mother. She claims she missed a court date because she was never notified (questionable) and that she lost custody based on the missed court date and her ex's lies (questionable). Even if she'd never lied to me before, I would probably still question the validity of her story about why her ex was awarded sole custody. Missing a court date for something that important is, at best, irresponsible and I'm pretty sure that one parent couldn't win sole custody by telling the judge a bunch of lies. Very true.
coolheadal Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 The very first thing she ever lied to me about was her age. We had just met when she told me she was 32 and then after we became official the topic of her age somehow came up (can't remember, this was 4 months ago) and she asked me "How old did I tell you I was again?" When I told her "32" she admitted to being 35. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it, but she apologized profusely and claimed she didn't want to give her real age to someone she'd just met. I let it go, but it raised a red flag. Then she lied to me about smoking, lied to me about dumping a bunch of money into some online video game, and lied about a trip she was going to take. Her ex husband was also recently awarded sole custody of their son and she claims, ironically, that it happened because he told a bunch of lies to the judge. The relationship has actually been very good for the most part, but the lies have left me unable to fully trust her and have made me insecure about the relationship. Any time I get insecure, it becomes all about my insecurity and she doesn't seem to fully understand or appreciate the impact that her lies have had. It makes me wonder what else she might be lying about. I love her, but I'm having a hard time with trust/insecurity and am wondering if I should walk away. Thoughts/advice? She's a liar and yet tolerate it. Is she really divorce or was that a lie too. Better make sure of that one friend! Your not going to run because you just said the relationship has actually been very good for he most part. Just the lies thing makes you feel un-edge.
kendahke Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I would never bind my life to someone who lies as naturally as drawing their next breath. You can never know with a liar where you stand. Liars are the ultimate manipulators. I'd check myself on letting myself fall in love with someone who has such disregard for the truth. I mean, her husband took her child from her so the child wouldn't be influenced by her actions or taught that that was natural. That's some serious stuff there. Proceed at your own emotional risk with her. You fell in love, you can fall out of love, especially with a liar. That's the ultimate contempt someone can have for you to think you aren't worth the truth. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 This is really bad news. Her ex husband would never get a sole custody without very strong evidence that she is an unfit mother. You just have to wonder what that evidence is.... 1
Zahara Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 No trust = no relationship. She's a compulsive liar. And who knows what she's hiding about the situation with her kids/ex-husband. She may have some "good things" about her but it's not enough to build a healthy and stable relationship when a fundamental value is non-existent. 1
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 No you don't seem to get it.....she's bad news and you need to kick her to the curb. IMO if someone feels the need to lie about their age is immature/has issues. Run for your life! Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-far better Run run run run run run run away oh oh 2
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Indeed, the person who doesn't get it is YOU! You know that you can't trust a word this woman says, and yet... you say the likelihood that you will walk away is 50/50... Dude! Wise up! 1
Zahara Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 she doesn't seem to fully understand or appreciate the impact that her lies have had This is the most eye opening/frightening part that should have you up and running -- when someone doesn't have a conscience or self-awareness to know that lying is wrong and the impact it has on others. It's good that her ex has sole custody of her kid. 2
Author Romantic_Antics Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 (edited) Indeed, the person who doesn't get it is YOU! You know that you can't trust a word this woman says, and yet... you say the likelihood that you will walk away is 50/50... Dude! Wise up! That was sarcasm, bud. The other guy said I "won't run" and my sarcastic response was that "No, I won't run, but the likelihood that I walk is above 50/50 and climbing". The real context clue was in my rhetorical question at the bottom of the post: "What good is a relationship if you can't even trust the person you're with and are left in a perpetual state of doubt, suspicion, and insecurity because they have repeatedly lied to you?" In other words, the likelihood that I leave this relationship is pretty close to a certainty, but I'm not going to physically run away. Sorry if that wasn't properly worded or conveyed. Sarcasm doesn't always translate well with words across a screen as the medium. EDIT: I requested to have the post deleted so that it didn't create any additional misunderstandings. That was my bad for not wording it better. I'm really tired and stressed because of the things I mentioned in the OP, which is another reason to walk away. No sense in continuing to lose sleep and fret about the words and actions of a pathological liar. Edited October 9, 2017 by Romantic_Antics
ChatroomHero Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 My last 2 exes both lied a lot. Once the trust was gone, they never seemed to understand that once I lost trust, it was pointless. They would get caught in a lie and admit to only what I could prove...when I caught them and had solid proof, they would almost literally ask me what exactly I knew...expecting I would be dumb enough to lay out what they had to admit to. What it came down to was they would fake being sorry and lie 5 minutes later, deny everything even if you had all the details right, and only admit anything when I would provide overwhelming evidence. Then they played the victim...and had crazy defenses like, "I only took money from your dresser because I knew you wouldn't give it to me" after giving them money whenever they needed it, and not seeming to understand it was stealing. When things don't add up they don't add up, but a habitual liar will make a seemingly convincing argument that 2+2=5. Basically for every lie you catch them in I would guess they have told you 50 more. For habitual liars it seems to serve 2 purposes - they can do anything they want and not feel bad or guilty about it and it's a form of control over someone they need something from but do not respect. A lie about the age, eh, maybe. The story about her ex getting custody, not a chance. I would expect drugs or neglect. I would drop her pretty quickly if it were me based on past experiences. 1
Author Romantic_Antics Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 This is the most eye opening/frightening part that should have you up and running -- when someone doesn't have a conscience or self-awareness to know that lying is wrong and the impact it has on others. It's good that her ex has sole custody of her kid. I felt like her apologies were superficial and artificial - like she was apologizing simply because she got caught and was apologizing for nothing more serious than leaving my socks in the dryer for too long so that they shrunk and no longer fit right. After that it was like it was water under the bridge for her and any time I was feeling insecure because of her repeated lies it was because of my insecurities. I'm not an insecure person by nature, but who wouldn't doubt and distrust their significant other after being repeatedly lied to? I just don't feel that she ever understood the consequences of her lies in the grand scheme of building a relationship nor the impact that they had on my ability to trust her. To be honest, I'm a little angry that my lack of trust in her was dismissed as a deficiency on my part. That's another trademark characteristic of a manipulative/deceptive pathological liar.
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Pathological liars are usually narcissistic. She has no empathy for others, and only cares what she can get out of it. 2
Zahara Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 The lack of remorse, empathy, accountability and awareness -- she sounds narcissistic/sociopathic. She certainly exhibits traits of those type of personality disorders. Projecting her behaviors on her ex-husband is another huge red flag. 2
BaileyB Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 That was sarcasm, bud. The other guy said I "won't run" and my sarcastic response was that "No, I won't run, but the likelihood that I walk is above 50/50 and climbing". The real context clue was in my rhetorical question at the bottom of the post: "What good is a relationship if you can't even trust the person you're with and are left in a perpetual state of doubt, suspicion, and insecurity because they have repeatedly lied to you?" In other words, the likelihood that I leave this relationship is pretty close to a certainty, but I'm not going to physically run away. Sorry if that wasn't properly worded or conveyed. Sarcasm doesn't always translate well with words across a screen as the medium. EDIT: I requested to have the post deleted so that it didn't create any additional misunderstandings. That was my bad for not wording it better. I'm really tired and stressed because of the things I mentioned in the OP, which is another reason to walk away. No sense in continuing to lose sleep and fret about the words and actions of a pathological liar. No worries. I read it quickly, which didn't help with the translation. Very glad to hear that you are not really thinking about sticking around though... It is really for the best. Good luck. 2
joseb Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 OP, you are 100% right to be concerned, and I'm glad you are making the decision to leave. My guess is you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg, and that she will get a whole lot worse in every way. 2
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