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Posted

It's been three weeks since it's been over . One week since I've gotten the email stating how happy he is and yesterday I heard from mutual friends he said were finished . All of this cuts me deep. It's been 9 years . I've given 9 years to this person . I love him but not sure if I'm missing him or just have become addicted to this relationship then the patterns of breaking up and making up .

 

I'm hurting so bad , such a mess . The pain doesn't go away hasn't gotten better with the days passing it just gets worse . Please help w any words of wisdom !

Posted

I'm sorry for your pain. You can't expect to get over a 9 year relationship overnight especially when you weren't the one to break up. You are still in shock and haven't accepted it yet. Hopefully, soon your pain will turn to anger and that will push you forward to heal.

  • Like 1
Posted
It's been three weeks since it's been over . One week since I've gotten the email stating how happy he is and yesterday I heard from mutual friends he said were finished . All of this cuts me deep. It's been 9 years . I've given 9 years to this person . I love him but not sure if I'm missing him or just have become addicted to this relationship then the patterns of breaking up and making up .

 

I'm hurting so bad , such a mess . The pain doesn't go away hasn't gotten better with the days passing it just gets worse . Please help w any words of wisdom !

 

I think you turn that around and thank your lucky stars that you're not investing any more years with this person. Also ask yourself, why you invested 9 years with an abuser. Let that be what drives you to find awareness and determination to never repeat this again. Instead of focusing on him, it's time to start looking inward.

 

I don't believe you love him. You have a toxic attachment to him and usually when you have suffered abuse, you confuse that kind of dysfucntion for passion/love. You miss the familiarity of him, the need for him to make you feel whole, the dependence you had with him -- as well as the pattern that you have been used to which was 9 years of volatility.

  • Like 2
Posted

3 weeks is a short period already. Get yourself busy & dont stay alone all the time. Go out with people that you really love. Cry the pain out as much as you can and DO NOT go into a rebound relationship, i repeat DO NOT !

  • Like 1
Posted

Hi Kokomo,

Been there. 5 Months ago. 9 year relationship ended. Trust me it will get better. Find someone you can talk to, someone you can pour your heart out to. That will help. Try to stay busy, I know, easier said than done, but that will help to.

Also, you may find solace in reading this forums posts, good luck to you.

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