PrincessT Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 My AP has been cold to me for the past 6 months or more and revealed to me last month him and his long term girlfriend of almost 20 years have decided to part ways. He never really talked about their relationship during our 6 year off and on affair and I never asked. He confessed that their relationship was damaged after he had a one night stand 10 years ago and had a child and hasn't been the same ever since and that he only stayed because of her children from a previous marriage. He has played the part as step father for nearly their whole lives. He says that he still loves her but is not in love with her and claims that he has played his part and is moving on. He also admitted to having a secret apartment for months that no one ever knew about when I asked him what he is going to do about living arrangements. Last time we spoke he was sleeping at mom and dads. I expressed my feelings of jealousy when he revealed the breakup..I was afraid of new partners and basically knew I was going to be cut off. After the last "visit" was right before the actual separation...(moving to different homes) . I am heartbroken but after years of being manipulated for his own selfish needs and my existence to fill the void in their relationship... I am DONE! I'm so tired of him ghosting me and me acting like a crazy wild child because my text go unanswered and phone calls ignored. I feel as if he wanted to end this long ago...or maybe not have even started in the first place. The longest he has ghosted me is 2 months...which was a year ago. He finally sent a msg on fb... "Really?" After 2 months NC. I gave in quickly like always...right back to where we were... Addicted to that short lived rush of love and back to the bad feelings of no self worth, disrespected, used, misled, NAIVE. I basically blowed up his phone demanding to speak to him at work. He ignored every message, he is very passive aggressive and avoids all conflict. So I finally gave in and blew up in a rage and said **** it, I won't bother you anymore. I have started no contact after the last message on fb...that was yesterday. I broke down and cried in my laundry room hiding from my family. I am done... I am having the urges to get on fb and check to see if he has been online. I have decided to leave my Facebook and try to not login until I have moved on. How do I keep myself from logging in and posting updates...I don't want him to have the luxery of delving into my life if I can't into his because he doesn't use his.. I am ready for the pain of letting go. I can't do this to myself anymore. Anyone have any suggestions on moving on and getting this man out of my thoughts..??? I literally turned on Pandora yesterday while cleaning and EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. that came on reminded me of him...its so hard :'(... I will be okay.
freengreen Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I have come out of FB.. and he was the only reason The fakery in FB irritated me but never enuf to quit, he did. We were contacts for few months but after that he was ‘uncomfortable’ and I saw it so took him off my list, then I broke everything off. But still I used to stalk him, I dint feel great about it. So I deactivated. It might sound immature, but it worked ... more than one way I was releived. No seeing his female bunch of friends flrting with him and he flirting back, no unending liking pictures, no fake ‘wonderful’ or no forced ‘you look gorgeous’ comments. It been a year. I think I am getting over him but I aint returning to FB. I actually enjoy out of it. Do what you feel is right.. you know yourself better. Good Luck. 2
Author PrincessT Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 It's not really the fact of seeing his post or him seeing mine....its the 'last seen' or 'active now' feature that I'm talking about. I feel like if I login that I'm letting him know I'm still there for him, waiting on the back burner, waiting until he comes out of his cancer shell. I'm just tired of the games. I actually logged in last night after telling myself I wouldn't. He was online and I stayed logged in for about 30 minutes then logged out. I keep using this Facebook feature to "check" on him and it's killing me... Why can't I just let it go.. My mind is consumed with him...ugh!
freengreen Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 (edited) It's not really the fact of seeing his post or him seeing mine....its the 'last seen' or 'active now' feature that I'm talking about. I feel like if I login that I'm letting him know I'm still there for him, waiting on the back burner, waiting until he comes out of his cancer shell. I'm just tired of the games. I actually logged in last night after telling myself I wouldn't. He was online and I stayed logged in for about 30 minutes then logged out. I keep using this Facebook feature to "check" on him and it's killing me... Why can't I just let it go.. My mind is consumed with him...ugh! You just have to let FB go... its very very tough but this ‘login’ game and the ‘double tick’ game ( in whatsapp) hurts you and drains all the energy you got... day in day out, month in month out and if you let it... year in year out. Mine was an emotional affair, a solid one ( my side)... I know what the pain is because all I battled was those ignored texts and frivolous replies, the last seens and the blue ticks... I am sure i will be rofl in a year or two about it but right now... its a self slow clapping scene for me. Refuse to play. Eff the shiit. Deactivate. Stay away and see the magic. Edited October 9, 2017 by freengreen
sandylee1 Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 Deactivate fb for now. So you can stop obsessing. You've outlived your usefulness to him. Now he's ready to move on and settle down to enjoy the single life... then have an authentic relationship with someone else. Surely you dont need a serial cheat do you. 1
jah526 Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 I have a seriously bad addiction to FB, and specifically to finding out what MM is up to. The past few days I have forced myself to get away from it and start doing something else. Think of it like you would an addiction to smoking. One technique for quitting is to save up all the money you would've spent on cigarettes, and buy something nice for yourself. In this case you are spending time. So instead of spending it on your addiction, spend it on something for you, something fun or productive. I was dreading this past weekend, as it's a long one for me. I decided instead of refreshing his FB page I would keep myself busy. And you know what... I've accomplished some things, small things, but stuff I'm kind of proud of. I taught myself how to change a brake light in my car. I hiked to the top of a mountain. I made a soup from scratch in my crock pot. Maybe make a list of all the things you are accomplishing instead of giving in to your addiction. And also, have you not removed him from your friends list? 3
misspalmy Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 i just want give u a big hug, sorry he treated you like this, block him and dont look back 1
Author PrincessT Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 I don't want to deactivate my Facebook because he will then know I'm playing games..and then my family will worry..I will just let it be there until I decide it's safe to login...I'd imagine a couple months or so. I haven't logged in all day so far but came close a few times but kept reminding myself that I would just be dissapointed... Today was better.
Author PrincessT Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 I just keep reminding myself that he's a coward for ignoring my calls and ghosting me basically. Not man enough to say he's not interested anymore. So I'm gonna dissapear. Day 2. No contact. No Facebook! Yay!
Sparkling Storm Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 The music thing is hard too - almost every song on the radio seems to have some kind of link to the A. And if it doesn't, it seems trite and annoying. I've had to switch to talk radio for a while! 1
Author PrincessT Posted October 10, 2017 Author Posted October 10, 2017 He works as a police detective, so imagine how I feel when I see a freaking police officer on news, TV shows, movies...they're everywhere!! lol. I'm depressed. I haven't broke down again since the day before yesterday, but I just can't believe how long I've let this man literally use and manipulate me into thinking he actually gave a damn. I was nothing but an ego booster during his loveless LTR. I was there before he even became an officer. *I* was the one who supported him through school and gave him that spark to start a new career...I pushed him. Knowing him for 6 years I can't really say that I know "the real him." I guess what hurts the most is being used for his own selfish needs and making me believe he actually cared.... I was just a "thing"... Why didn't I stop at the beginning??? I hate myself for letting this linger on for so long.
Matahari007 Posted October 10, 2017 Posted October 10, 2017 Hi Princess, You can start off my deactivating your FB and/or delete him off of any social media or messaging that you may use to keep in contact with him. Block or delete his email address and contact #. If you truly want to get over this and move on with your life you need to cut him out COMPLETELY. You have given this man 6 years of your time and energy and have received nothing in return. Its time to get in self preservation mode and take care of you. Leaving this toxic relationship behind is a start and it will open you up to so many wonderful and positive possibilities. You've been blocking your blessing for too long. This man has had a "secret" apartment for months and you didn't find out about it until now? It only only begs to question what else don't you know about him. Take your life back and live the happy life you were meant to have.
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