DDMSS Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 I feel so alone at times, and even after yesterday when my live-in boyfriend was being his old ridiculously perfect self (I sure do miss THAT guy), today I find myself once again ignored, this time, for a video game. I know things could be so much worse, but after so many months of feeling like I come dead last with him, or spending so much time on my own when I'd like to be with him, I'm beginning to lose perspective, I guess. I've considered being in touch with old guy friends, online chatting, and have even signed up on a dating site with a fake name, but haven't done anything with it. I've cried, yelled, talked, tried to act like everything is fine, but it never really gets any better, other than the occasional prodded, temporary improvement. I don't want to start something with someone else but I can't just be so lonely for the rest of my life.
Zahara Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 (edited) The answer isn't a boyfriend. Seems like you only feel whole and validated when you have a man in your life. It's not healthy when you're emotionally dependent. It would be best to focus on rebuilding your sense of self/esteem. It's speak about how you feel about yourself when you want to settle for nothing just to have a little something. End it with this guy. You're only staying because you're afraid to be alone. It's no way to live your life. Stay single for awhile, find your independence. It's then you'll start to believe and know you deserve better, you'll stop settling and you'll be able to pick men based on higher standards rather than the need to just find a replacement to help you jump out of a bad situation. Edited October 8, 2017 by Zahara 3
Author DDMSS Posted October 9, 2017 Author Posted October 9, 2017 Oh my!! You're absolutely right, and I had no idea! During waking hours I fill my time with friends, activities, and of course responsibilities, but at night, or when we're supposed to be doing something together and I'm ignored, I AM looking for validation from a man. I normally am fine without one, and when I'm single, and have the independence that you speak of, I love that life, but since I do have a supposed partner, I guess I am expecting to receive a little bit of attention (from SOMEBODY, even if it's not him). Thank you for pinning it down for me. I couldn't see it, even after having spelled it out. Still sitting here with my mouth gaping open, still can't believe this is me and that this is where I am. How did I get here?
Recommended Posts