Beautiful-Love Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Hello guys and girls, I am in this situation and I am not sure how to proceed. I've been seeing this guy since June (we've been good friends for over 2 years) and the reason we're not yet official is because I was separated with my husband at the time. We've had our ups and downs and at one point he said he wasn't sure about us, despite how deeply he felt about me. So at that time I told him I was going to get my situation sorted out and when I did then he could tell me if he still felt he wanted to be with me. Now I am legally divorced and I met him last night. He knew I went to court for the divorce but the topic never came up last night. I'm not sure how to bring it up... Party because there're a few reasons that make me unsure if he does want to be with me or as far as where our relationship may go. To me, I want to tell him that, hey, I'm now not married anymore and there's really not much that should be keeping us apart BUT that I want him to at least know for certain that he wants to be with me. When we hang out together, I can feel it that he feels something for me. He's a natural flirt but he has never flirted to me heavily either. We have been so vanilla, if that's the term for it. Since June, there have been moments where things got heated but we never went past first base (nevermind the one time we got drunk). And the thing is I know we are attracted to one another but I don't think I want to go all the way with someone I'm not in a relationship with, making it frustrating. So I feel like I should just go ahead and have the talk with him. The problem is..he's the go-with-the-flow kind of guy...He doesn't make plans and I feel like if I keep on waiting, it might be awhile. At the same time I feel like since he doesn't know what he wants for the most part, that he should be the one asking me out IF he feels like he's sure about being with me. I don't want to come off saying I'm available now and that he should ask me out RIGHT NOW if he's not ready. Then again I don't want to wait forever where we are stuck in a standstill and not moving forward.
WonderWoman911 Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Well since you said that he knows that you went to court for the divorce, then you don't need to bring it up. He already knows. If he's interested in taking that step with you he would come forward about it. He could also be weighing out the pros and cons of what can take place since you were involved with him while you were still married, even though you was separated. I would just give him so time. If he's interested in taking that step, without a doubt, he will let it be known.
TheBathWater Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Just arrange a get-together with him over a drink like you usually do. Have a nice, flirty conversation while you're out. If you're afraid to be direct with him, then be indirect and find a way to drop it into conversation that you're single now. By all means, if he is sincerely interested, things should naturally progress from there if you're flirting and he knows you're available.
YummySarah92 Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 If he's a natural things should easily progress naturally but it can sometimes be easier said than done. I recommend you to drink together and take it from there like you already seem to have. I recommend you to watch this YouTube video on how to get a guy to ask you on a date. This is coming from a man's perspective which might be helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_Lr1WEtmKE Good luck, and remember not to be too eager
Author Beautiful-Love Posted October 19, 2017 Author Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) Hello guys, thank you so much for the previous replies. Just a quick update: ***STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ASKED OUT*** Basically we've been hanging out at least once every week. I actually met his mother and his family went I went to hang out with him. They seem pretty cool. They all kind of knew a little bit about me. I've been hanging out with him usually pretty late until 2-3 am. Things have been getting pretty heavy. We haven't had sex but we talked a little bit about it the last time I was there and I said "I just feel weird to do that with someone I'm not officially with." I added that I wanted him to be sure about us because I don't want to go through another 7-year relationship and he said he has always wanted me (except for that time when I first told him I was separated). I also said that since he was the one who didn't want things to be official because of the marriage thing, which I said it was understandable, but mentioned that now I'm not married anymore. He then went, "Are you asking me out?" ---- Me being stupid blurted out "No" without even thinking of saying anything tactful. Like an idiot I added immediately, "You should be the one asking me out." He then said "You're just waiting to be with [one of my guy's friends name] huh", almost in a joking manner. Then he just kind of laid back on his back and went quiet for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say at that point. We just listened to music for a while before falling asleep. It's so hard. I don't know if he wants me to ask him out or if he's still unsure or not ready to be in a committed relationship. It's hard for me to bring this topic up. I would never want to impose it on him that he has to do it, but I feel like he should. Again, he's the type who doesn't call anyone unless it's an emergency, go-with-the flow where it has always been people hitting him up to hang out, terrible with messages in general...He's been with numerous girls in the past and has only asked out 2 girls (one of them was his first serious relationship way back in high school)...his last serious relationship, his ex-gf asked him out...and he's been in 2 serious relationships. We are 27, just fyi. I've caught him just sitting there staring at me smiling while I was semi-sleeping. He has looked at me times before and said "I love you" or "you're beautiful" or doing those things like brushing strands of hair off my face like in movies, reaching out for my hands when we're walking, staring into each other's eyes endlessly, messaging me when he couldn't bare it anymore, passively stating how he wanted to see me and us to live together one day, or that we should be motivating each other (this last part was something I said to him months ago, he was restating it), etc.... Am I reading the signals wrong? I just thought that if I was enough for him and that he really, really wanted to be with me, he'd ask me out. But he hasn't. It's not that I have a problem asking him out myself -- I am sure of myself and what I want. I'm just unsure if he knows what he truly wants with me. Edited October 19, 2017 by Beautiful-Love
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