mortensorchid Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 If anyone has been following my recent posts, I am feeling as if no one wants me, I am not one of those people who should be with someone, and love won't happen for me. I'm trying to get out of that negative thinking which is another story I am working on. Well, a recent development has come about and I don't know what to do about it. Someone reached out to me on Facebook last week asking if I was going to an event that week, I said I was not going to after all because I was burned out at the end of the workday. He then asked if I was going to be around tonight (Saturday night) as he was going to be on my side of the city, I said no I have plans. I just got in and he sent an IM once he saw I was on Facebook. He asked what I was doing tomorrow, I said I was going to be a PA on my friend's web series shoot and perhaps have a small speaking part. He and I met briefly face to face when he was doing a video shoot for this same web series and friended each other on Facebook. Problem? I could be jumping the gun on this, he may not be interested in me in the slightest other than a chat buddy ... But should he attempt to take things to another level (which he may or may not), I am not interested in him. Why? He is of another race and I am not interested in being with someone of another race. (I'm white, btw.) Aside from how others may or may not feel about my feelings about that or anyone else's, if he is interested in me in that way, what is the best way to ... Explain that to him? It's not him in particular, and I barely know him.
Miss Spider Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 (edited) I would say if you decide you want to go with him to tell him you just want to be clear, you are not looking to date lol Edited October 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough
coolheadal Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 (edited) If anyone has been following my recent posts, I am feeling as if no one wants me, I am not one of those people who should be with someone, and love won't happen for me. I'm trying to get out of that negative thinking which is another story I am working on. Well, a recent development has come about and I don't know what to do about it. Someone reached out to me on Facebook last week asking if I was going to an event that week, I said I was not going to after all because I was burned out at the end of the workday. He then asked if I was going to be around tonight (Saturday night) as he was going to be on my side of the city, I said no I have plans. I just got in and he sent an IM once he saw I was on Facebook. He asked what I was doing tomorrow, I said I was going to be a PA on my friend's web series shoot and perhaps have a small speaking part. He and I met briefly face to face when he was doing a video shoot for this same web series and friended each other on Facebook. Problem? I could be jumping the gun on this, he may not be interested in me in the slightest other than a chat buddy ... But should he attempt to take things to another level (which he may or may not), I am not interested in him. Why? He is of another race and I am not interested in being with someone of another race. (I'm white, btw.) Aside from how others may or may not feel about my feelings about that or anyone else's, if he is interested in me in that way, what is the best way to ... Explain that to him? It's not him in particular, and I barely know him. I am white also but dated other women other races to see if nature rules could be bent on the rules a little bit. I know what I want blues eyes blonde or blue eyes brunette or even green eyes like me. I always run into brown eyes women seem to be a bit off key with me. You know what you want and how you want it, just don't want to settle. Yes I read your post and see where you going. You need to find the inner self, you need to love and respect yourself first before you could ever thing twice in a wonderful nice caring man but he needs to be both charismatic and something you can trust to be with. Your in a way like me with both work hard and really don't want to do anything so wore out. I am healer so I can help heal my body from pain. I stay positive and happy. I never feel depress or stress out. I keep a few gem stones in my pocket to keep negative people at bay! You are doing things for you. Guy ask you out you say no, so your choice of wording is no! Stay away from being so negative you don't feel it emotionally and physically then don't bother this any guy you don't have anything in common with. You live for you, whatever makes you jump up and be happy. If you not happy in your life how are you going to be happy with someone else. What are you getting from all of this? Edited October 8, 2017 by coolheadal
Shining One Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 As someone who has been rejected for this very reason many times, I've found the direct approach is best. Just let him know you don't date men of a different race. Personally, I wish more women had told me this up front rather than delay and tell me later, after I had invested effort into them. 2
joseb Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Wow, if I felt that way I don't think I'd ever express it openly. It sounds... well...pretty racist. I wouldn't even think of describing someone as "my race". It's a terrible word. I look at someone and if I find them attractive, I find them attractive. As to this guy, it does sound like he is interested, if he keeps asking you out, just say you are not looking to date right now. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Racism can be a lot of things, but someone could be completely non racist, yet not date outside their race and it would be completely acceptable...I've never in my life heard anyone called racist for doing it, unless they had some other racist tendencies... But yeah, it may be better to not come out and say it, even though I personally don't think many people would really have a big problem with it.. Its completely your right to not date outside your race....just go with your gut and don't worry about it... TFY
OatsAndHall Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Honestly, if you're not interested, you're not interested. It certainly seems like he is and you could end up with a guy that is "Friend-zoning" himself, even if you're clear that you don't want to date him. This could turn into a bad situation, especially because you don't know him very well.
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 (edited) You tell him nothing. The more you say you are not available, the more he will know you are not interested. If he does ask you out proper just say you are not interested. Don't make things anymore complicated than they are. It's pretty simple, you just say no. He doesn't needs some explanation that you don't have a sexual attraction to men of another race. If he keeps bugging you just unfriend him. This is on him and not your problem. Edited October 8, 2017 by smackie9
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Here's a tip: don't friend guys you barely know or have no interest in. You should not friend someone for no purpose or because everyone in your group did or you are worried about hurting someone's feelings....you don't know this guy so who gives a damn what he feels. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Here's a tip: don't friend guys you barely know or have no interest in. You should not friend someone for no purpose or because everyone in your group did or you are worried about hurting someone's feelings....you don't know this guy so who gives a damn what he feels. Good point....and its just another thing that women need to be self conscious of... Many guys see a simple gesture like a friend acceptance as a green light to a more involved relationship, be it just sexual or otherwise..The women that I know that are successful in this arena barely talk to guys in their daily lives and don't ever accept anything from "strange" men, be it friend requests or anything else... Most girls got schooled on this from their mothers/parents when they were 12 or 13 years old....Some just don't get it and continually think all guys can be BFF's or something from being friendly without much other expectation...some may, many don't.... TFY
SevenCity Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 Wow, if I felt that way I don't think I'd ever express it openly. It sounds... well...pretty racist. I wouldn't even think of describing someone as "my race". It's a terrible word. I look at someone and if I find them attractive, I find them attractive. As to this guy, it does sound like he is interested, if he keeps asking you out, just say you are not looking to date right now. This world has turned a little too PC. Since when is it racist to have preferences? I'm white and usually only date Asian women - does that make me racist as well? Op - Smackie is right, as usual. You don't owe him anything and he should take the hint already. 1
CptInsano Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 This world has turned a little too PC. Since when is it racist to have preferences?[...] Most people won't put it as bluntly as the OP, but most people are attracted to someone similar to themselves, may it it looks, cultural background or education. A desire to date within one's ethnicity shouldn't really surprise anybody. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 (edited) Whatever you choose to do, don't tell him it's because of his race pls. That has a high likelihood of making him feel crappy and messing him up and doesn't really achieve more than honesty on your end. Just weigh those... utilitarian ethics. Edited October 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Shining One Posted October 8, 2017 Posted October 8, 2017 It's interesting how many people are against directly stating the reason for rejection. Like I said earlier, I appreciated the women who said this up front. It's also one of the reasons I like OLD. The women there directly state this in their profiles.
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