shanatistheb Posted October 7, 2017 Posted October 7, 2017 My ex and I were almost perfect for each other except that when school started he began to put less effort which I assume is because he has a very rigorous class schedule and he prioritizes grades. We had several conversations about this and no solution was coming out of them so he said we should break up. He said he doesn't really feel what he felt before for me but the feeling does back sometimes and said he can't be in a relationship right now. He said though maybe in the future we can try again but for now he wants to be friends. I told him it'd hurt too much for me and he said he'd give me all the time in the world to get over him because he values our friendship a lot and says I still matter to him. I told him I wasn't sure because I wanted to move on since I still loved him but he was a wonderful friend before we started dating. He said he respected that and if I needed anything and wanted to talk to someone he'd be there for me.
Beachead Posted October 7, 2017 Posted October 7, 2017 (edited) Hi shanatistheb, I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. I know this will hurt for you to hear but I think as of right now, there isn't a chance. He sounds like a good guy who's thinking about his future and that's good on him. Nothing wrong with that. I wish I could believe that was all of it. Basically he is telling you that everything that you were isn't enough for him in a relationship capacity. A relationship with you is not in his mind anymore and you can't change it. So now you two want different things. I am glad you recognize you cannot be friends right now. You are right. You can't and you aren't. Imagine seeing a picture of him with another girl on social media. Imagine getting a text from him that will make you wonder what does this mean? Imagine if he ends up with someone else. Will you be happy for him? Most likely not. You will go crazy. So no, you can't be friends..not right now atleast. If I were you, I would talk to him, tell him that you will need a lot of time to heal and get over the break up because you still love him. You'll have to disappear for awhile. Block his number, email, take him off of social media. Be very clear about this because you won't repeat yourself in the future when you implement this plan. He will have to understand this. Don't do this to try and win him back. Do this for you. Relearn how to live without him. Rediscover yourself. Heal. Grieve. It will probably take a few months just to lose the hope of reconciliation with him. And no, it won't be easy. You will be tempted to talk to him. Warning: He may even contact you which will make it 1000 times worse. You will wrestle with temptations. And if this happens, I strongly advise you not to respond. Stay the course and focus on your healing and development. In about a years time, you will be a better, stronger you. You will be okay and you will have clarity. You may even meet someone new. At which point, you can see how you feel and evaluate this. I believe in that. Good luck Edited October 8, 2017 by Beachead
Been Posted October 9, 2017 Posted October 9, 2017 At least you two were civil about it. It just sounds like he is overwhelmed with school and while you might be disappointed in the outcome at least he was honest about the situation. I don't think the two of you right now can be friends which is normal when one wants more then the other can give. Give yourself some time to heal from him and that means NC.
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