still_kicking Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Hi, So I'm dealing with some serious issues and this is a long post but after 10 yrs of trying to deal with it alone, I'm trying to see if others can help. Bottom line, I'm wondering if I can actually overcome serious body issues in dating. Some background, I was overweight as a kid and did some pot... all of which I think helped **** up my hormones. I had puffy nipples (worst part is I did plastic surgery at 20 to remove these and it left a less than perfect chest... like a large areola that isn't completely on my chest wall, some loose skin, and a bit of a crater) and a smaller dick/ balls as a grown man (2.5 soft/ 5 hard - I'd say 20% smaller than avg in locker rooms). I don't look like a freak naked but it's not attractive. The good part is I'm 6'3" and face is probably 8-9/10. And other than my chest and dick, I'm really attractive. I also think I'm a pretty genuine person and people respond well to me when they get to know me. How do I deal with this? I feel like I get enough negative attn. from the outline in my pants when I approach girls, let alone when my shirt comes off. (Btw this happens because my legs are pretty big and there is a thigh gap that swallows up my balls - squat 500 lbs.) I've had some success in dating but mostly was way too shy about letting people in to experience a healthy dating life in my 20s. In my early 30s and wondering if I'm just not able to see things clearly or if I really am ****ed. Any advice on how I can approach women and deal with letting them in on what's going on with me? Or even the negative attn. I get?
Miss Spider Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Hi...With therapy maybe? I think youre way too fixated on this. Not every woman's primary requirements in a man are a donkey dink and perfect nipples. Especially the part where you say youre self conscious girls can see the outline of the your schlong when wearing pants. That doesn't happen. . Most women don't really think to look there. Nobody is perfect 7
RecentChange Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 I think you are imagining the part about being women judging your pants. There are growers, showers, type of fit etc - you just really can't tell that way, and dick size isn't THAT important to most women. Some of the biggest dicked guys I have known - you could never tell by simply looking at them clothed. However, insecurity and a lack of confidence is a huge turn off to most women - I think this is your problem. Honestly your body issues sound pretty minor, remember most women also have a bunch of insecurities when their clothes come off. I can't imagine one would think "he's a great guy, but the nipples are a deal killer". My rec? Perhaps talk to a counselor about your insecurities and hopefully they can give you some tools to develop a better body image and confidence. And I say this as a woman who has been quite over weight in the past (and have the lose skin to prove it) and tiny breasts - at this point I own it' and proceed with confidence. If someone is into you, respects you - these things won't matter. 5
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 You deal with it by accepting yourself. If you cannot, absolutely not, deal with your chest then have it fixed. Plastic surgery has evolved a great deal since 20 years ago. It made me smile to read your post. Most women that had children all have lose skin, stretch marks, lower breasts, cellulite, and whats not. Our boyfriend and husband love us as we are. 3
olivetree Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Hi, So I'm dealing with some serious issues and this is a long post but after 10 yrs of trying to deal with it alone, I'm trying to see if others can help. Bottom line, I'm wondering if I can actually overcome serious body issues in dating. Some background, I was overweight as a kid and did some pot... all of which I think helped **** up my hormones. I had puffy nipples (worst part is I did plastic surgery at 20 to remove these and it left a less than perfect chest... like a large areola that isn't completely on my chest wall, some loose skin, and a bit of a crater) and a smaller dick/ balls as a grown man (2.5 soft/ 5 hard - I'd say 20% smaller than avg in locker rooms). I don't look like a freak naked but it's not attractive. The good part is I'm 6'3" and face is probably 8-9/10. And other than my chest and dick, I'm really attractive. I also think I'm a pretty genuine person and people respond well to me when they get to know me. How do I deal with this? I feel like I get enough negative attn. from the outline in my pants when I approach girls, let alone when my shirt comes off. (Btw this happens because my legs are pretty big and there is a thigh gap that swallows up my balls - squat 500 lbs.) I've had some success in dating but mostly was way too shy about letting people in to experience a healthy dating life in my 20s. In my early 30s and wondering if I'm just not able to see things clearly or if I really am ****ed. Any advice on how I can approach women and deal with letting them in on what's going on with me? Or even the negative attn. I get? Unless you're a dude sporting Lululemons, I highly doubt a woman is noticing how big you are in your pants when you are approaching them fully clothed. You sound like you have a lot of positives and I think you should focus on those. We all have our negatives / things we are self-conscious about. I think you need to work on accepting those things about you. When people see that you accept yourself, they often don't see those things as an issue either. It's also okay to tell someone when you reach a point of trusting/feeling comfy about your surgery so that's why things might look off. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 You deal with it by accepting yourself. If you cannot, absolutely not, deal with your chest then have it fixed. Plastic surgery has evolved a great deal since 20 years ago. It made me smile to read your post. Most women that had children all have lose skin, stretch marks, lower breasts, cellulite, and whats not. Our boyfriend and husband love us as we are. Mine didn't. But, I digress. OP, I agree that women aren't going to notice your lack of girth from what you're wearing on a regular day. Doesn't happen. And I also agree that you accepting/acknowledging it is a good start. If you acknowledge your shortcomings (pun not intended, but it applies) and are willing to work with a partner (without getting offended) IF it ends up not being enough for her (i.e. use a toy), it shouldn't be an issue to a decent woman. You don't have control about your physical attributes, but you do have control over your attitude about them. Good luck! 1
Author still_kicking Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Thank you all for your thoughts. I am definitely self conscious and getting help does make sense. I don't think I'm imagining all the negative attn. but maybe just focusing on a few people that care or are looking. I'm also in nyc which is an incredibly shallow dating market but people are very tuned into each other looks. I'll give you an example of what I face, I was on a date a few days ago and I sat down on a bench with my date. This was our first meeting. There was a guy in front of us and when we looked between my legs, he couldn't stop staring and you could see he was getting incredibly uncomfortable (this is so common with guys around me these days). He left less than 5 minutes of me being there. The date that I was with actually started laughing in the middle of talking to me a few times as she looked at my legs and we were talking about boring stuff. This could be due to many things but pls take my word for it that it was because my size looks that off.
olivetree Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Thank you all for your thoughts. I am definitely self conscious and getting help does make sense. I don't think I'm imagining all the negative attn. but maybe just focusing on a few people that care or are looking. I'm also in nyc which is an incredibly shallow dating market but people are very tuned into each other looks. I'll give you an example of what I face, I was on a date a few days ago and I sat down on a bench with my date. This was our first meeting. There was a guy in front of us and when we looked between my legs, he couldn't stop staring and you could see he was getting incredibly uncomfortable (this is so common with guys around me these days). He left less than 5 minutes of me being there. The date that I was with actually started laughing in the middle of talking to me a few times as she looked at my legs and we were talking about boring stuff. This could be due to many things but pls take my word for it that it was because my size looks that off. Maybe they are looking at how huge your thighs are rather than what is in between them. I can only imagine people laughing at you if you look like a total meat sauce. Are you ridiculously out of proportion, muscle-wise? 1
RecentChange Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Honestly that strikes me as straight bizarre. I have dated a fair bit, I have been close with a number of men (with dicks of various sizes), and I have NEVER noticed that a guy had a small dick while dressed. I have never heard one of my female friends mention such a thing. I have never heard of my male friends (and I have many - heck I was the only girl invited to a bachelor no party once) mention such a thing. You really can't tell a guy has a small dick by the way his pants fit. HUGE dick - maybe, small? No. I really do think it's in your head - btw I hail from the SF Bay area, but have also spent years in LA and Orange county - I know about shallow - and really people don't gawk at what is not showing in a guys pants. I think you should stuff your pants as an experiment. Stick a sock in there and see if the world really does treat you differently. You said you were 20% smaller than average, does that really make sense that you would be so freakish that people can't stand to be near your clothed body? My bet is that you misinterpreted their body language and started acting weird. Hence the laughing. Who would be so rude to do that?!? No normal person. 4
healing light Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Man, it's not your dick. I think maybe other men look at your because of your physique--if you're squatting 500 lbs you could have some pretty muscular legs. You can't tell the size of a man's penis through clothes and when they're flaccid. It means nothing. I've seen a 6" man have the size of an acorn when flaccid, a 4" man when flaccid have a 5.5" dick when hard, etc. I read before that men who are longer flaccid tend to generally grow less when hard than men who are shorter flaccid so it tends to even out to meet somewhere in the average range. Of course there are plenty of exceptions, but my point is that a man's size flaccid doesn't indicate much of anything. If it makes you feel any better, I am someone that would prefer an average or slightly smaller than average penis over an 8" one, so honestly I think as long as you aren't on either extreme, most women will care far more about how attentive you are/how you move/how you make them feel than your exact size. Does it function and do you pay attention to her needs? Great. Most women will be fine with that if they're in love with you or like you. On top of that, I honestly never look at a man's bulge or outline in his pants. If I ever do look, it would be in a picture of someone if something about it caught my eye. I'm sure if you're willing to over look a woman's soft belly or cellulite and stretch marks or imperfect breasts, she will be willing to overlook your nipples. I knew a man who had a shark-like chest cavity where his entire ribcage pointed outward (congenital deformity). It honestly did not bother me in the least. Your acceptance of yourself and comfort in your own skin will be one of your biggest assets in the bedroom. 1
heavenonearth Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 I feel like I get enough negative attn. from the outline in my pants when I approach girls, let alone when my shirt comes off. (Btw this happens because my legs are pretty big and there is a thigh gap that swallows up my balls - squat 500 lbs.) Wow. I have never read anything so shallow. Are the women you want to date really that shallow? I am sorry, but you need to change your attitude. If a woman only wants to date you because of however big the bulge btw your legs is, you need to shift your focus. Now.
The Urbanyst Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Even with those flaws you are still better looking that 80% of the population including most women lol. Do you have a job? Did you go to college? If the answer is yes.. you'll be fine. Just get out of your own head. 2
Author still_kicking Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Maybe they are looking at how huge your thighs are rather than what is in between them. I can only imagine people laughing at you if you look like a total meat sauce. Are you ridiculously out of proportion, muscle-wise? I don't think so. I was a serious climber, runner, and also did kick boxing. Legs and back are just naturally strong. I mean I'm really big but most people don't realize it because I've put no effort into my upper body. I weight 230 lbs @ 6'3", most people put me around 200 if that. No one thinks I'm a meat head, I have more the physique of a tennis player with soccer player legs.
Author still_kicking Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Even with those flaws you are still better looking that 80% of the population including most women lol. Do you have a job? Did you go to college? If the answer is yes.. you'll be fine. Just get out of your own head. Yes I did. I have a very good job but I'm a pretty introverted person. Getting out of my own head is so hard...lol. But I can't tell what's going on at this point. I do know I've stood out in a really good way or a really bad way my whole life. It's made me very self conscious.
olivetree Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) I don't think so. I was a serious climber, runner, and also did kick boxing. Legs and back are just naturally strong. I mean I'm really big but most people don't realize it because I've put no effort into my upper body. I weight 230 lbs @ 6'3", most people put me around 200 if that. No one thinks I'm a meat head, I have more the physique of a tennis player with soccer player legs. You sound pretty good to me! I don't think they were laughing at your lack of package. Look at this photo of David Beckham's "moose knuckle" (I don't see it). http://www.vh1.com/news/wp-content/uploads/blog.vh1.com/2015/02/david-beckham-moose-knuckle.jpg There is zero bulge, but the headline isn't that he has no dick. Anyway, any woman that is really into you isn't going to be scared off by these "flaws" you describe. Edited October 5, 2017 by olivetree 3
No_Go Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Ok I admit I'm pretty good at gauging size by outlines and often take a guess but your d*ck is average, not small from what you described. It is proyjust the overall size of your body that messes up proportions... But at 6'3 with nice face you're seriously far ahead in the 'rating' (these are the two most important parameters for most women, not d*ck size or nipples). Seriously thank your genetics instead of hating it. 2
Author still_kicking Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 You sound pretty good to me! I don't think they were laughing at your lack of package. Look at this photo of David Beckham's "moose knuckle" (I don't see it). http://www.vh1.com/news/wp-content/uploads/blog.vh1.com/2015/02/david-beckham-moose-knuckle.jpg There is zero bulge, but the headline isn't that he has no dick. Anyway, any woman that is really into you isn't going to be scared off by these "flaws" you describe. Thank you for showing me this. 1
RecentChange Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Seriously Google "men's dress pants" I just did - no moose knuckles. And the shower vs grower thing is REAL. My husband is average+ normal girth, some extra length. He's totally a grower, flaccid, unless right out of a hot shower or something he looks pretty small - def doesn't have a big bulge in his pants. And some guys, their size hardly changes - it's like it gets hard and stands up - but otherwise hangs around looking "big". I honestly think this is in your head.
The Urbanyst Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Yes I did. I have a very good job but I'm a pretty introverted person. Getting out of my own head is so hard...lol. But I can't tell what's going on at this point. I do know I've stood out in a really good way or a really bad way my whole life. It's made me very self conscious. What I'm about to say is kind of messed up, but it should give you some perspective. Being self conscious comes from giving other people too much credit. Most people are idiots and you should not give much weight to what they think. There are a hand full of people who's opinions I actually value highly. I've never met a woman who married a guy because of his chest, balls and penis size. Women know that looks fade better than anyone. And you still look better than most of the population. Most women you meet will have body issues anyway. The media makes it hard for anyone to feel good about how they look lol. 3
Mkn1010 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Just wanted to add that it's such a huge misconception that big is better when it comes to a man's d*ck size. That is definitely not my preference, nor that of my sisters and some friends. In fact, large is very painful for certain women's bodies. I have dumped a man before for being too big, but never for being too small. My old housemate's ex wife divorced him for this very reason too! 1
GemmaUK Posted October 6, 2017 Posted October 6, 2017 Just wanted to add that it's such a huge misconception that big is better when it comes to a man's d*ck size. That is definitely not my preference 100% agree, it's not my preference either, I don't like being in pain during and after. I've declined sex and dumped for that reason also knowing my body couldn't take it. Nothing you have said would deter me from dating you - except - you're 6ft3in and I'm only 5ft, Something you could do is tell your story if you are self conscious. I would feel proud and impressed that you turned your life around. Just sounds like you had some bad surgery at a young age - that would be no biggie for me at all.
kassy Posted October 7, 2017 Posted October 7, 2017 I would have no issues with you at all. Agree with the other ladies, have just started dating a guy and we haven't got naked yet and I really hope he's not massive. So I think you sound pretty good. I wouldn't care about your breasts either. My body is far from perfect. I have some surgical scars and a messed up collar bone. My boobs are pretty saggy from gaining and losing weight. but I'm fine with my body. I just say that so you know the women will be probably more concerned with their flaws when they get naked with you first than your flaws. My guy does triathlon and weights. His body looks amazing clothed and to be honest have never looked at his package to check out the bulge (never have with any guy, I don't think women do this). If he had you (what I would call very minor physical imperfections) it would almost be a relief to me. So just don't worry about it. Explain the nipples if you want but I think the dick issues are in your head honestly. Just forget them. That's not what makes us like a man. Are you attentive, kind,funny, nice to be around etc etc much more important to me. And are you attracted to me and a considerate lover. And it's sounds like you are quite hot so like I said before many women would be relieved you aren't perfect so they feel less insecure about themselves.
BaileyB Posted October 7, 2017 Posted October 7, 2017 (edited) I would have no issues with your body, at all. However, I would be turned off by your lack of self confidence and preoccupation with superficial body image. I can appreciate how self conscious and "illogical" we can all be about our bodies... Honestly, my body is far from perfect. My boyfriend loves me, regardless. His body is far from perfect. And I love him, regardless. The issue here is not with your chest or your penis. It is with your brain. Perhaps, you should try counselling to challenge your thinking. And, if you are ever fortunate enough to find a woman who loves you for the person that you are... Well, then you will truly understand. Edited October 7, 2017 by BaileyB
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 7, 2017 Posted October 7, 2017 I would never *not date* a man based on his d... size. As for nipples? I barely even look... Women do not think like men. 4
elaine567 Posted October 7, 2017 Posted October 7, 2017 If you had bad surgery as a 20 yo then why don't you get corrective surgery now, if it bothers you that much? 1
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