krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) There is this girl from summer which was into me a lot (has been for years), and we had been dating for a month. At first she was insecure and I wanted to take things slow. I didn't define our relationship, but I was good with her and tried to make her trust me. Despite how into me she seemed, it was hard for me to arrange dates, cause she had plans. Now after some cancelled dates, I went to her house to talk. Turns out she also liked another guy and they have been talking for a while. I just asked her if she wants to keep going out with me or not, and she said we better stop. She admitted that she has a very good time with me when we go out, but the rest of the time she feels bad (probably guilt to me or the other guy or both) I said I understand and was leaving. But then I kissed her, we made out quite passionately. Maybe it was stupid, but after that I asked teasingly what would happen If I came by again tomorrow or day after that, and she said "we'll see, message me first". I haven't spoken to her since then (been 4 days). I was planning going NC, but I can't stop thinking about whether I drove her to the other guy with my attitude of playing cool and not wanting a relationship. Is it too late to chase her, pay her a visit and show her I want her? Facts: -girl liked me a lot -soon likes another guy and wants to stop -she still can't resist me when we are physically close -seems unsure, but is not the type of girl who has 2 guys or FWB -I want to win her over the other guy -NC or chase her? Edited October 5, 2017 by krakakos
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 NC You shouldn't need to beg ANY gal to see/date you. This girl is a player/opportunist. She's not trustworthy. I feel played indeed. But there is history between us and I have given her reasons not to trust me. She was my side-chick some years ago, and I also flirted with her best friend, who happened to like me too (yeah I was an *******, but I'm a better person now and I tried to show her). Plus, she's the kind of girl who likes to settle... Given those facts, should I give it a try or still NC?
Miss Spider Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) Definitely do not give it a try. A girl side piecing herself then flaunting in your face shes seeing another guy(would be surprised if this is her first rodeo) while seeing you is.....yeah. You want her now that you think you can't have her but she is not gf material. You have been warned. Edited October 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Definitely do not give it a try. A girl side piecing herself then flaunting in your face shes seeing another guy(would be surprised if this is her first rodeo) while seeing you is.....yeah. You want her now that you think you can't have her but she is not gf material. You have been warned. Not justifying her, but she's young and immature, I don't even think she has been "seeing" the other guy, cause that would mean she would have cheated on him with me. And she's really not that type. Plus, if she's willing to cheat on him with me, then maybe I could turn it. I know she is not GF material, never intended her to be. I'm moving to another country in a few months anyway. But you know how it works, I really want her now. I don't even care about being exclusive, idk if that's a turnoff for women.
Miss Spider Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Not justifying her, but she's young and immature, I don't even think she has been "seeing" the other guy, cause that would mean she would have cheated on him with me. And she's really not that type. Plus, if she's willing to cheat on him with me, then maybe I could turn it. I know she is not GF material, never intended her to be. I'm moving to another country in a few months anyway. But you know how it works, I really want her now. Seeing/talking to/fcking. I don't really draw much distinction between these three. I'm assuming they aren't an exclusive couple so she's not cheating...but she could be feeling guilty because she wants it to go somewhere with that particular guy... What would chasing her entail? I mean besides stepping on your dignity? If you are going to be leaving in a few months, I say go NC and find other girls to smash and let this girl find what she wants...
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Seeing/talking to/fcking. I don't really draw much distinction between these three. I'm assuming they aren't an exclusive couple so she's not cheating...but she could be feeling guilty because she wants it to go somewhere with that particular guy... What would chasing her entail? I mean besides stepping on your dignity? If you are going to be leaving in a few months, I say go NC and find other girls to smash and let this girl find what she wants... I'm already searching for girls to smash... I just wanna achieve my goal with her. Doesn't matter if it's pointless in the long run. If going NC for a while and then messaging works better, so be it. But I wanna know I've tried.
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 You say you want to achieve your goal with her. What goal is that? You want to sleep with her & then drop her? If that is your goal just leave her alone. She was your side chick. You flirted with her friend while you & she were together. You have no respect for her as evidenced by the fact that you think she's the kind of girl who settles & she's not GF material. You are also leaving in a few months. You thought she'd be easy pickin's & you could have your fun with her with no commitment until you dropped her flat when you moved. Ugh. You are not exactly commendable here. Leave her alone. She has another guy who genuinely likes her but you are screwing that up for her to feed your ego. You're the bad boy unattainable cad who treats her poorly who she continues to chase for reasons of her own, probably rooted in low self esteem. Stop taking advantage of that. If you have truly matured walk away & find a different dalliance. You seem to want to be a Player. Go play with somebody else. 5
kendahke Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Keep with the NC. There's another guy she's more interested in. Don't play yourself out like that. 1
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) You say you want to achieve your goal with her. What goal is that? You want to sleep with her & then drop her? If that is your goal just leave her alone. She was your side chick. You flirted with her friend while you & she were together. You have no respect for her as evidenced by the fact that you think she's the kind of girl who settles & she's not GF material. You are also leaving in a few months. You thought she'd be easy pickin's & you could have your fun with her with no commitment until you dropped her flat when you moved. Ugh. You are not exactly commendable here. Leave her alone. She has another guy who genuinely likes her but you are screwing that up for her to feed your ego. You're the bad boy unattainable cad who treats her poorly who she continues to chase for reasons of her own, probably rooted in low self esteem. Stop taking advantage of that. If you have truly matured walk away & find a different dalliance. You seem to want to be a Player. Go play with somebody else. In case I wasn't clear, I wanted a relationship with that girl and had no intention of playing with her. I have always been honest with her, and this time I was willing to be devoted too. After her fooling around while we were dating, what should I say? That I want a girlfriend like that? It's clear I can't take her much seriously anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm not hurt and I don't want her to be with me. Thanks for the response, but I'd appreciate advice on my question. PS: Not that it matters much now, but I didn't flirt with her friend while we were together, we have never been together. That was 3 years ago. Edited October 5, 2017 by krakakos
The Urbanyst Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 She is playing GAMES and not really that into you. If someone doesn't seem to fear losing you, its usually because they don't fear losing you lol. 1
kendahke Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Thanks for the response, but I'd appreciate advice on my question. You got advice--she said to leave her alone. You're leaving, so just exercise some self discipline and stop acting so thirsty. 1
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) She is playing GAMES and not really that into you. If someone doesn't seem to fear losing you, its usually because they don't fear losing you lol. I know. It's just that she brought it up first and she always seemed so into me when we were together. Plus, she would message me first and stuff till one week ago. I didn't expect her to lose interest so suddenly, and I'm wondering if it could be my fault for not being more clear of my intentions. You got advice--she said to leave her alone. You're leaving, so just exercise some self discipline and stop acting so thirsty. Hey chill, it's not like I was gonna marry her, I'm leaving in like 5 months from now, most relationships don't even last that long. Just cause there cannot be very distant future bewteen us does not mean I don't genuinely like her. We've known each other for years anyway. Edited October 5, 2017 by krakakos
smackie9 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Why are you asking us? You are an adult, and only you know what you should or want to do. There is no right or wrong, just choices. If you decide to chase, you need to be prepared for results that may not sit well with you. It's all about taking risks. Do what you will...... 1
knabe Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 You are arguing with everything. Go ahead, keep trying and look like a stalker, or achieve your goal and be with a cheating girlfriend. Watch it implode.
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) Why are you asking us? You are an adult, and only you know what you should or want to do. There is no right or wrong, just choices. If you decide to chase, you need to be prepared for results that may not sit well with you. It's all about taking risks. Do what you will...... I don't think straight when I really like a girl, that's why I'm asking for advice. If I could interpret her thinking behind choosing the other guy, maybe I could win her. But I'm concluding she's just more into him, so I don't see how I could turn this. You are arguing with everything. Go ahead, keep trying and look like a stalker, or achieve your goal and be with a cheating girlfriend. Watch it implode. She's not the kind who cheats, I'm just trying to explain the situation. You have a valid point anyway. I'm not gonna act on my feelings. Edited October 5, 2017 by krakakos
Mjm1014 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Been in this type of situation plenty of times...it feels confusing but you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. -she cancelled dates early on and it was tough to make plans: clear indication something was off..women will find a way to be around guys they want to be around. -told you straight up about another guy: I actually give her props for telling you and being honest. Most people (men/women) seem like they never admit this to another person especially early on. Lucky she isn't stringing you on for longer or just acting shady. At least you know the situation. Your best course of action is to step back and go NC. Wait for the other guy to mess up, or if she truly cares she will be bothered why you want nothing to do with her which will make you more valuable in her eyes. Never ever beg someone to be with you or even invest in anyone that wants to make you a plan B...anytime I chased, they ran faster. Pull back, watch them craw back. Lastly, for her to tell you all this then to make out, she seems unsure of herself..idk if I would want to be involved with her. Sounds like a headache to me. Good luck 2
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Been in this type of situation plenty of times...it feels confusing but you need to take a step back and look at the big picture. -she cancelled dates early on and it was tough to make plans: clear indication something was off..women will find a way to be around guys they want to be around. -told you straight up about another guy: I actually give her props for telling you and being honest. Most people (men/women) seem like they never admit this to another person especially early on. Lucky she isn't stringing you on for longer or just acting shady. At least you know the situation. Your best course of action is to step back and go NC. Wait for the other guy to mess up, or if she truly cares she will be bothered why you want nothing to do with her which will make you more valuable in her eyes. Never ever beg someone to be with you or even invest in anyone that wants to make you a plan B...anytime I chased, they ran faster. Pull back, watch them craw back. Lastly, for her to tell you all this then to make out, she seems unsure of herself..idk if I would want to be involved with her. Sounds like a headache to me. Good luck Well, she was kinda shady all this time. She was insisting she wants to go out with me, last time she even asked about my schedule, only to cancel the day after out of guilt. I just guessed there's someone else and she admitted it. I didn't show any jealousy though. Anyway, your post made me feel better. I woke up pretty bad today, thinking about what I could have done different. Thanksfully I didn't act stupid and I see things more clearly now.
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 You say you want a relationship with this girl but you are leaving in 5 months. You then say relationships don't last more then 5 months. Relationships last lifetimes. She has a chance at happiness with somebody else who isn't planning on leaving in 5 months. Let her have that. Go "smash" another girl, whatever that means.
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) You say you want a relationship with this girl but you are leaving in 5 months. You then say relationships don't last more then 5 months. Relationships last lifetimes. She has a chance at happiness with somebody else who isn't planning on leaving in 5 months. Let her have that. Go "smash" another girl, whatever that means. She's leaving too soon after me, so it's not gonna be a lifetime for sure Edited October 5, 2017 by krakakos
bpb2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 -she cancelled dates early on and it was tough to make plans: clear indication something was off..women will find a way to be around guys they want to be around. 100% this. It also works the other way, if a guy is into a girl (even a little) then he'll try to find the time to make dates and certainly not make it difficult. OP originally wrote in a way take makes it clear that he's romantically interested in her but then suddenly started to write as if he's the ghetto Don Juan, probably because he's heartbroken. OP, you ain't smashing this side-piece. As a matter-of-fact, she's probably being smashed by the other guy right now. You should've smashed her when you had the chance .
The Urbanyst Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 I know. It's just that she brought it up first and she always seemed so into me when we were together. Plus, she would message me first and stuff till one week ago. I didn't expect her to lose interest so suddenly, and I'm wondering if it could be my fault for not being more clear of my intentions. Women losing interest suddenly is a very common thing. I've had it happen many times. Sometimes you say blue when you should of said green and she changes her mind about you. Is it your fault? Well.. if BEING YOURSELF is a mistake.. then yes lol. Do you want to be with someone you can't be yourself around? Me neither.
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) 100% this. It also works the other way, if a guy is into a girl (even a little) then he'll try to find the time to make dates and certainly not make it difficult. OP originally wrote in a way take makes it clear that he's romantically interested in her but then suddenly started to write as if he's the ghetto Don Juan, probably because he's heartbroken. OP, you ain't smashing this side-piece. As a matter-of-fact, she's probably being smashed by the other guy right now. You should've smashed her when you had the chance . No need to bash me man. What you say is not actually true but it does not matter. I'm no Don Juan, I used to be an ******* to her (an honest one) but this time I took things seriously for the first time and I got fooled, so yes I'm a little heartbroken. Women losing interest suddenly is a very common thing. I've had it happen many times. Sometimes you say blue when you should of said green and she changes her mind about you. Is it your fault? Well.. if BEING YOURSELF is a mistake.. then yes lol. Do you want to be with someone you can't be yourself around? Me neither. Right. Edited October 5, 2017 by krakakos
smackie9 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Go "smash" another girl, whatever that means. Have sex with............plough or slam her, pork her, you know.
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Have sex with............plough or slam her, pork her, you know. And the OP wonders why I didn't understand he was looking for a relationship as opposed to quick sex. Smash doesn't exactly invoke romance.
Author krakakos Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 And the OP wonders why I didn't understand he was looking for a relationship as opposed to quick sex. Smash doesn't exactly invoke romance. I think it's normal after a letdown. I'm a quite romantic person, unfortunately.
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