N2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 I guess I just need a spot to kind of vent because it's been strange for me. I was talking with a guy for months. He passed himself as a really good guy and then I started seeing the not-so-good side of him. He kept cutting me off when I didn't want to sleep with him and I wanted to wait, and then when I thought I was ready he proposed a "friends with benefits" deal, which I did not want. For a while I was the one contacting him, and then once I saw this side of him, which I had heard about from others, I decided I had enough. The he started contacting me again and wanted to see me and said he missed me and wanted to kiss me again and all that garbage. I told him I don't trust him, and I am not okay with committing my body to him when he can't commit to being exclusive. He asked if I could meet up with him because he missed me and I told him no. He unadded me on social media like he has over and over again when he's mad at me. Recently, I was with my family all dressed up going out to dinner and I saw him with some girl as we were walking in and they were walking out. There was no way this was planned, I sure as heck wasn't trying to run into him, and there is no way he could have known I was there, but it was rather strange to see him with some girl a week after he's saying all this mushy stuff to me and wanting to see me. And then I saw him again when I was driving. His car is very unique so I know it is him. I got a little freaked out and sped off. Anyway, for a while I really had feelings for him and he seemed to as well, but I guess his was a lie. I'm talking with other guys so it's not like I'm stuck on him still. I wish things could have worked out and he could have been better, but I'm not going to force what's not meant to be. It's taken me a couple months to even start talking with other guys, and I just feel dumb for having feelings for someone like this, believing him when he said he thought I was "the girl for him" and "he'll never get over me" and "you're genuinely perfect". Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry there's not really a specific question in this I just needed to vent.
Raena Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 My only insight is that men who flatter you with over the top words of enthusiasm about you too soon in a relationship are usually the ones not to trust. It's not always true but often is. How could you be the one for him when you haven't even made the relationship official or become intimate? And what happens when he realizes you are human and therefore not perfect? I don't like extremes like this. It's a red flag.
Beachead Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Hey OP, I am sorry you had to go through this. We can definitely conclude that he was not serious. There are some horrible people out there who have no problems using an abusing others for their selfish needs. I was used as a rebound this summer myself. It's a good thing you had some background information about this guy you could draw on when you started to see the warning signs. Consider yourself fortunate in that regard. You dodged a bullet. I think you are doing fine all things considering. Venting is a part of healing. Take your time, don't let this experience sour you and continue your journey forward. Goodluck
Author N2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Hi Beachead, Thank you for your reply. I am sorry you had to go through that. That's the worst feeling and I hope we can both heal. It was the first time I had gotten close with a guy like this. I don't want to get back with him, I know he's not right for me and my family hates him. It's just every time I see him I feel weird and emotional. And every time I start to forget about him completely and move on with my life I either get contacted by him or I run into him, which is making it incredibly difficult to recover. And then I think of these things that he says because although he's a jerk, he did start becoming more honest with me as time went on and also would not say he loved me because he needed more time to see. Part of me sees this as he's just a player and doesn't want to say anything committal like that, but it also makes me feel like he means what he says and he did feel the way he said when he'd say all that mushy stuff. I'm sorry, see this is why I can't get over this every time I see him or I get contacted by him I feel torn between these two trains of thought.
Author N2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 My only insight is that men who flatter you with over the top words of enthusiasm about you too soon in a relationship are usually the ones not to trust. It's not always true but often is. How could you be the one for him when you haven't even made the relationship official or become intimate? And what happens when he realizes you are human and therefore not perfect? I don't like extremes like this. It's a red flag. Hi Raena, thank you for your words. I agree. He is a very extreme person in a lot of aspects of his life. He either does barely any work or he over loads himself with classes and work, he either never works out or does intensive training when he needs to lose weight, he's had an extreme number of sexual relationships and only called one his girlfriend in 6th grade, and either talks to me and -- not to sound cocky -- but begs to see me or blocks me and doesn't talk to me. Maybe it's just because he's young and immature. But I definitely see and agree with your point.
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