Tippy123 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 So I went on a date yesterday and we hit it off pretty well and were at the bar for around 2 hours. Ended up going to another bar closer to our homes for another couple hours. At the second bar I sat next to her, I was feeling it I guess so I brushed her hand and then eventually just held it (with no resistance from her) and at one point she asked "are you trying to make out with me?" To which I said no, because I wasn't. Weird. Anyway we finished up and she drove me to my car. We said our goodbyes, etc and then she kissed me. We ended up making out for a good ten minutes and she says "I wasn't going to see you again because you were too forward, but you're such a good kisser." I was kind of caught off guard, I've never been told that. I asked her if it was because I "touched her" (the hand holding and maybe I touched her leg breifly?) and she said yes. I said I was sorry but I was so confused - and then she made out with me again and put her hand under my shirt and really touched me if you know what I mean. After that we smoked a cigarette and I kissed her goodbye and said "see you again?" And she said yes. I am like really confused if she wants to see me again. I sent her a quick text that said "YOU are a good kisser" and all she responded with was a snake? I really liked this girl but that whole thing was so weird to me. Should I ask her out again or leave it to her? It makes no sense the reason she gave me for thinking I'm too forward because she was receptive and in some ways even more bold than me. Maybe it's something I said? Don't know how to go about this.
Gaeta Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 She was just being playful. You like the girl so invite her out again. It doesn't matter why she said that, all you need to know is she was all over you and wants to see you again.
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Ask her out again. She probably will say yes. If she says no, chalk it up to her being too confused to figure out & communicate what she wants. You don't need that lack of clarity in your life. If anyone was forward it was her.
act00 Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Holding hands too forward? Yikes! I see so many different replies on appropriate/inappropriate affection on a first date, I feel worse for guys over it. I guess I'm just a you-know-what as a girl because I have no issues and would prefer it, as it is a clear signal of interest...hand holding, a kiss, affection. Getting too close to the girly parts is another story, but a knee, a shoulder, a hand, a kiss?? As she glommed on your face, and called you forward, I hope Gaeta is right and she's just being playful, possibly teasing herself in going in for the kill because you clearly were not going to do it. Things got a bit heavy. Ask her out again! She sounds into you.
Author Tippy123 Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 I told her I had a great time yesterday and she replied with "So did I!" So I told her I'd love to see her again. Haven't heard anything back but it's only been a few hours. She usually responds right away though. We will see, I don't want to get my hopes up after that weird comment.
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I told her I had a great time yesterday and she replied with "So did I!" So I told her I'd love to see her again. Haven't heard anything back but it's only been a few hours. She usually responds right away though. We will see, I don't want to get my hopes up after that weird comment. I would have been more forward here. "Lets go horseback riding Saturday!" Put something solid out there at the end of each date rather than something open-ended where you have to wait to see if she will respond. I like to secure each follow-up date immediately at the end of the current date. I wouldn't kiss goodbye until the follow-up date is made. So after you two smoked that cigarette I suggest that you should have been like "Hey, I'm open Friday, why don't we go to the Dodgers game." Keep this cycle on her until you are very secure with the bond that has developed. 1
SevenCity Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I would have been more forward here. "Lets go horseback riding Saturday!" Put something solid out there at the end of each date rather than something open-ended where you have to wait to see if she will respond. I like to secure each follow-up date immediately at the end of the current date. I wouldn't kiss goodbye until the follow-up date is made. So after you two smoked that cigarette I suggest that you should have been like "Hey, I'm open Friday, why don't we go to the Dodgers game." Keep this cycle on her until you are very secure with the bond that has developed. I never do this unless the woman brings up a second date. It puts them in an uncomfortable position of saying yes and can make you come across as desperate and insecure because you appear that you think she will say no if you wait a day or two. If she's bringing it up then by all means setup a date right then and there. Op - ask her out again and don't apologize for going for what you want in the future. It's a beta move "sorry your highness". I never apologize for going for the kiss and I've never had to.
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I never do this unless the woman brings up a second date. It puts them in an uncomfortable position of saying yes and can make you come across as desperate and insecure because you appear that you think she will say no if you wait a day or two. If she's bringing it up then by all means setup a date right then and there. Op - ask her out again and don't apologize for going for what you want in the future. It's a beta move "sorry your highness". I never apologize for going for the kiss and I've never had to. It's not an uncomfortable position if they like you and want to see you again. Women want you to be the main driving force of setting up the dates in the beginning and not be passive. Definitely not desperate. It shows that you enjoy her company and want to be in it again. They like it.
Author Tippy123 Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 I don't feel I was too forward and I've never been told that before. The date was going well so I grabbed her hand and I think maybe had my hand on her knee.. Again, after that she's the one who imitated the makeout session in the car twice - and touched me very intimately I do feel like I should have added an invite to telling her I'd like to see her again because you're right, I didn't say anything that illicits a response - so I might add a quick text asking if I can buy her dinner this week (because I know she's a total foodie) but I don't want to seem eager either. Sometimes I feel I overthink things, but I'm trying not to blow it. I don't know, should I text again and ask her out directly? If we didn't have such amazing chemistry, I wouldn't care but I'd love to get to know her more.
Author Tippy123 Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 I would have been more forward here. "Lets go horseback riding Saturday!" Put something solid out there at the end of each date rather than something open-ended where you have to wait to see if she will respond. I like to secure each follow-up date immediately at the end of the current date. I wouldn't kiss goodbye until the follow-up date is made. So after you two smoked that cigarette I suggest that you should have been like "Hey, I'm open Friday, why don't we go to the Dodgers game." Keep this cycle on her until you are very secure with the bond that has developed. I wish I would have done this in this situation because I was unsure, but it's too late now. I did say "goodnight, will I see you again?" And she said yes. But that's not really definitive. I never think about making another date on the date.
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I never do this unless the woman brings up a second date. It puts them in an uncomfortable position of saying yes and can make you come across as desperate and insecure because you appear that you think she will say no if you wait a day or two. If she's bringing it up then by all means setup a date right then and there. Op - ask her out again and don't apologize for going for what you want in the future. It's a beta move "sorry your highness". I never apologize for going for the kiss and I've never had to. Are you Canadian? because you date like one and I hate it that's why I am dating a European. Your way is very passive. If a man likes me I want him to go for it. It shows confidence. It would never crossed my mind a man is desperate because he is asking me on a second date with a time and a place. I'd be flattered! I met my bf for the first time on a Tuesday. On Wednesday he called me and invite me to dinner and movie for the following Saturday. I loved it. I loved he was not ambivalant and he was confident. If being confident is scaring women away it's because they didn't enjoy the 1st meeting. 2
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 There are plenty of people having sex on the first date. I wouldn't call anything you did forward at all. Certainly if people are making out heavily and having sex on the first date, touching is relatively tame if there is chemistry and setting up the next date at the end of the night is even more tame. With that said, I wouldn't send another text. Now, I think you have to sit back and wait for your response. I know the suspense can be gut-wrenching. This is another reason to try to set up your follow-up dates immediately. It avoids this waiting phase and again, if she truly likes you, she will be glad to set up the follow-up date at the end of the day. At least set up the day the date will occur. If she has low interest, it doesn't matter when you ask.
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Are you Canadian? because you date like one and I hate it that's why I am dating a European. Your way is very passive. If a man likes me I want him to go for it. It shows confidence. It would never crossed my mind a man is desperate because he is asking me on a second date with a time and a place. I'd be flattered! I met my bf for the first time on a Tuesday. On Wednesday he called me and invite me to dinner and movie for the following Saturday. I loved it. I loved he was not ambivalant and he was confident. If being confident is scaring women away it's because they didn't enjoy the 1st meeting. I'm American, just in case you were wondering. I guess we do things kind of different.
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I'm American, just in case you were wondering. I guess we do things kind of different. I feel the need to specify I am French-Canadian so my culture is a bit different than the rest of Canada. English Canadians are very similar to Americans on several facets. When I asked Sevencity if he was Canadian I should have asked if he was French-Canadian as my problem is with men my culture, not with English Canadians.
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I wish I would have done this in this situation because I was unsure, but it's too late now. I did say "goodnight, will I see you again?" And she said yes. But that's not really definitive. I never think about making another date on the date. Sorry for the multiple posts but I want to close here by trying to sell you on an idea. When it comes to these first dates, momentum is crucial. If you have a good first date, don't allow things to die down for days and then come with your dating requests. If she had a good time, immediately give her something to look forward to for the next time. If I'm coming at you, I am going to leave little room for another guy to come along and squeeze in on what I'm building.
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I feel the need to specify I am French-Canadian so my culture is a bit different than the rest of Canada. English Canadians are very similar to Americans on several facets. When I asked Sevencity if he was Canadian I should have asked if he was French-Canadian as my problem is with men my culture, not with English Canadians. Okay. Got it! Thanks for that distinction. I haven't spent much time in Canada but plan to soon.
Author Tippy123 Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 I forgot to add that we are two women, so I'm not sure who is supposed to be the aggressor here. I felt like by telling her I'd like to see her again, that she would say something like "I'd like that" and THEN I'd ask her out. I've skipped that step and asked more bluntly but I've gotten mixed responses. I'm generally pretty confident but girls these days are so afraid of someone liking them too much or whatever, it's scary haha. It really just does boil down to if she's into me or not I guess. Just have to play the waiting game. I don't wanna ask her out since I have gotten a response for like 5 hours now and that's unusual but I have no idea what her life is like so I can't get too upset yet
Mike B. Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 You forgot to add an important part. I'm not sure how the dynamics would work here but my thought is that whoever cares more should probably be the aggressor. I will guess you care more since you are waiting on her to respond.
Sara1989 Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 I forgot to add that we are two women, so I'm not sure who is supposed to be the aggressor here. I felt like by telling her I'd like to see her again, that she would say something like "I'd like that" and THEN I'd ask her out. I've skipped that step and asked more bluntly but I've gotten mixed responses. I'm generally pretty confident but girls these days are so afraid of someone liking them too much or whatever, it's scary haha. It really just does boil down to if she's into me or not I guess. Just have to play the waiting game. I don't wanna ask her out since I have gotten a response for like 5 hours now and that's unusual but I have no idea what her life is like so I can't get too upset yet Hmm she could be playing games or she is not interested. To be honest if someone said I was being too forward for holding hands, I be majorly turned off. I think if she does not text back its not a great loss. Onto the next!
SevenCity Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 Are you Canadian? because you date like one and I hate it that's why I am dating a European. Your way is very passive. If a man likes me I want him to go for it. It shows confidence. It would never crossed my mind a man is desperate because he is asking me on a second date with a time and a place. I'd be flattered! I met my bf for the first time on a Tuesday. On Wednesday he called me and invite me to dinner and movie for the following Saturday. I loved it. I loved he was not ambivalant and he was confident. If being confident is scaring women away it's because they didn't enjoy the 1st meeting. Nope, American. I'm far from passive, quite the opposite. I just don't setup second dates while I'm still on a first unless she is bringing it up. If she calls / texts the next day I'll ask her out then. I feel it helps to sleep on the encounter before jumping to the next step and see how you feel in the morning. All situations are different but this has worked well for me. It weeds out ones who don't have high interest. Those are the ones I focus on.
olivetree Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 she made out with me again and put her hand under my shirt and really touched me if you know what I mean. No, I don't know what you mean. Twirled your chest hair? I forgot to add that we are two women Ooooh.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 I never do this unless the woman brings up a second date. It puts them in an uncomfortable position of saying yes and can make you come across as desperate and insecure because you appear that you think she will say no if you wait a day or two. If she's bringing it up then by all means setup a date right then and there. Op - ask her out again and don't apologize for going for what you want in the future. It's a beta move "sorry your highness". I never apologize for going for the kiss and I've never had to. I NEVER wait for the next day to ask for a second or next date. If all is going well and it appears there's mutual interest, I ask on the spot. I have never been one to be ambiguous. I think most women appreciate that and if they are not interested, they will let you know. At least, that is my experience. I have never had a woman say yes and then ghost on me. Are you Canadian? because you date like one and I hate it that's why I am dating a European. Your way is very passive. If a man likes me I want him to go for it. It shows confidence. It would never crossed my mind a man is desperate because he is asking me on a second date with a time and a place. I'd be flattered! I met my bf for the first time on a Tuesday. On Wednesday he called me and invite me to dinner and movie for the following Saturday. I loved it. I loved he was not ambivalant and he was confident. If being confident is scaring women away it's because they didn't enjoy the 1st meeting. I really believe most women are like you, Gaeta. American or not. I don't understand the waiting for 1-3 days before asking. If you like someone go for it and forget the waiting game.
Author Tippy123 Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 Hmm she could be playing games or she is not interested. To be honest if someone said I was being too forward for holding hands, I be majorly turned off. I think if she does not text back its not a great loss. Onto the next! I'm taking it as a loss at this point, but maybe I'll be surprised. I hate games and don't like the whole "wait three days or hours to respond" crap. We all have our phones on us. I just usually don't make a habit of making out with people I don't think I'm going to see again. But it is what is is. And yes that comment did turn me off a little bit. At first I gathered it was because she's from Another country and maybe more reserved but then she kissed me so who knows what she's playing at.
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