akiwifruit Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Hi all, I have been dating my bf for more than a year now. However, things are very difficult because of his family as well as his brother's gf. She has been living in their home for about 2 years, and she hates me since the first day we've met. I realised because every time I greet her, she ignores me. Once we were out with the family, and a relative was taking photos with a camera, the relative passed me the camera to snap photos and as I pointed the camera at her, she shouted at me in front of every one to stop. Occasionally, I help clean the house... she has never cleaned it for the 2 years that she has been there (mentioned by my bf). However, after seeing me do it, she started washing the toilets and cleaning the house as well. I do not understand why is she behaving this way. Sometimes I go over to my bf's place and leave my things there, slowly I realise many of my things went missing - clothes, shoes, shampoo, etc. (it went on for a year), and when confronted she denied it. I had a plant, and one day I realised someone added sugar/salt into my plant and it died. My bf and I installed a camera and we caught her adding some unknown substance into a new plant that I planted. Slowly, my bf's bro who was alright with me suddenly dislikes me and refuses to talk to me. Recently the older bro accused me of being mean to their little brother, when I have been absolutely nice to him. When my bf and his family asked him if I have been mean to him, he answered no and that I have been good to him. However, my bf's dad refuses to believe and now refuses to talk to me as well. To me, family is really important and I've always wanted to get along with my bf's family happily. But it seems almost impossible now. What should I do?
BigNoe20 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I think that your boyfriend should lead this, but there needs to be a confrontation/conversation about the family members behaviors. All of what you listed is not cool and disrespectful. However, we could tell you anything here and that still wont solve your problem. You mentioned alot of "I dont know's" and confusion on why you are being treated like this The only way to solve this or to know why, is to confront
sandylee1 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I suspect she is jealous, but personally I'd leave them to it.
Gaeta Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 How old are you all? This sounds very high-school drama. If I am wrong and you're all adults than it's time for your boyfriend to move out. Family is the most important thing to me too that is why I would not date a man that has a family full of drama like your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is suppose to keep the peace around you. It doesn't sound like he does a good job. 1
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 She is jealous, and when you started helping around the house it put her in a bad light so she one upped you by doing more. In her mind you are purposely sabotaging her position in that household. She is worried she will be asked to leave. She's been riding that gravy train for a good long time and doesn't want to lose it. What do you do? don't go over there anymore. Your BF has no spine, and this speaks volumes who's side he is on. Have a conversation with your BF, tell him that family is important to you, and if this is the way you are treated by his family, and he isn't willing to make things better, then the relationship has reached it's end. 3
Author akiwifruit Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Hi all, thank you for your replies. We have tried speaking to them once and getting everyone to sit down together, I asked her if there was anything that she was unhappy with me about or if she disliked me. She said that there wasn't and closed her eyes throughout the conversation because she said that she took painkillers and could not keep her eyes open. We are all adults, its precisely why I cannot understand why this is happening. My bf has tried to speak to his father about it, but his father refuses to listen. (He has also watched the video of the girl adding things into my plant but did not mention anything about it after that) My bf and I has always been bringing his little brother out and spending time together. (We do not take photos and post them up on social media, my bf's bro gf on the other hand, started bringing him out after realising that we do, and began posting a lot of photos of them going out with album names saying ' a day just for ___ to do what he likes and eat what he likes' His father then mentioned to their other relatives implying that only his older brother takes care of the little brother.
LovelyRose Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Hi all, I have been dating my bf for more than a year now. However, things are very difficult because of his family as well as his brother's gf. She has been living in their home for about 2 years, and she hates me since the first day we've met. I realised because every time I greet her, she ignores me. Once we were out with the family, and a relative was taking photos with a camera, the relative passed me the camera to snap photos and as I pointed the camera at her, she shouted at me in front of every one to stop. Occasionally, I help clean the house... she has never cleaned it for the 2 years that she has been there (mentioned by my bf). However, after seeing me do it, she started washing the toilets and cleaning the house as well. I do not understand why is she behaving this way. Sometimes I go over to my bf's place and leave my things there, slowly I realise many of my things went missing - clothes, shoes, shampoo, etc. (it went on for a year), and when confronted she denied it. I had a plant, and one day I realised someone added sugar/salt into my plant and it died. My bf and I installed a camera and we caught her adding some unknown substance into a new plant that I planted. Slowly, my bf's bro who was alright with me suddenly dislikes me and refuses to talk to me. Recently the older bro accused me of being mean to their little brother, when I have been absolutely nice to him. When my bf and his family asked him if I have been mean to him, he answered no and that I have been good to him. However, my bf's dad refuses to believe and now refuses to talk to me as well. To me, family is really important and I've always wanted to get along with my bf's family happily. But it seems almost impossible now. What should I do? So with all of this happening, what does your bf say or do? Both of you even seeing it that she is messing with your plant and what did your bf do? When you said you leave your stuff there, exactly where do you leave it? Does your bf have his own room? Personally I wouldn't be leaving any of my stuff there unless it's inside the privacy of my b's room. You're on the losing end since you have no proof she is stealing or messing with your things except for the plant incident. I'm guessing you don't live there so I honestly don't understand why would you leave your plant there to begin with. She may be jealous of you and feel threatened. Very immature and poor behavior. If you and your bf are not talking to them about these issues yet the gf is most likely creating negative stories about you, it's very easy for the parents to be manipulated. One minor solution I could suggest is leave your stuff at your own home and encourage your bf to hangout at your place instead. Family is very important to me. If my partner's family don't approve of me and most especially him not defending me or doing something about it, i'm sorry but it just won't work for me. The little brother already said you're not mean to him yet the dad still ignores you now. Where is your bf??????? Are we missing more important details here. Because from this thread alone, I wouldn't stay with that kind of guy. Girl, how much do you like this "boy?" You don't need that kind of childish drama in life. How old are you two? 1
Gaeta Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Your boyfriend needs to set things straight with his family, not you, and he needs to do it on his own without you there. He needs to put his pants on and demand they all respect you. When you were there for the big family conversation you ended up being a distraction. They all have egos and would never admit to being wrong in front of you. Stop going there. Your boyfriend can go visit you instead. 4
Author akiwifruit Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 So with all of this happening, what does your bf say or do? Both of you even seeing it that she is messing with your plant and what did your bf do? When you said you leave your stuff there, exactly where do you leave it? Does your bf have his own room? Personally I wouldn't be leaving any of my stuff there unless it's inside the privacy of my b's room. You're on the losing end since you have no proof she is stealing or messing with your things except for the plant incident. I'm guessing you don't live there so I honestly don't understand why would you leave your plant there to begin with. She may be jealous of you and feel threatened. Very immature and poor behavior. If you and your bf are not talking to them about these issues yet the gf is most likely creating negative stories about you, it's very easy for the parents to be manipulated. One minor solution I could suggest is leave your stuff at your own home and encourage your bf to hangout at your place instead. Family is very important to me. If my partner's family don't approve of me and most especially him not defending me or doing something about it, i'm sorry but it just won't work for me. The little brother already said you're not mean to him yet the dad still ignores you now. Where is your bf??????? Are we missing more important details here. Because from this thread alone, I wouldn't stay with that kind of guy. Girl, how much do you like this "boy?" You don't need that kind of childish drama in life. How old are you two? We are 26 and 24. He does have his own room and the items are left inside his room. As for the plant, I only leave it there an hour or so outside when I go over, and when I'm not around, it is back inside his room. Honestly, my bf has tried speaking up for me but his family refuses to listen. His dad told him that he only believes his oldest son. As much as we would like to move out, I really need to think about all these carefully before we take it any further.
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 So how long are you willing to put up with this? You know none of them want you there.
LovelyRose Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Hi all, thank you for your replies. We have tried speaking to them once and getting everyone to sit down together, I asked her if there was anything that she was unhappy with me about or if she disliked me. She said that there wasn't and closed her eyes throughout the conversation because she said that she took painkillers and could not keep her eyes open. We are all adults, its precisely why I cannot understand why this is happening. My bf has tried to speak to his father about it, but his father refuses to listen. (He has also watched the video of the girl adding things into my plant but did not mention anything about it after that) My bf and I has always been bringing his little brother out and spending time together. (We do not take photos and post them up on social media, my bf's bro gf on the other hand, started bringing him out after realising that we do, and began posting a lot of photos of them going out with album names saying ' a day just for ___ to do what he likes and eat what he likes' His father then mentioned to their other relatives implying that only his older brother takes care of the little brother. Sorry, we must have typed at the same time. Yeah, the gf sounds very childish, immature and insecure. Very disrespectful to be acting that way during a family meeting. I'm sure the painkiller was just a lame excuse. She is copying what you're doing. The dad is blind to all of this. If you guys are regularly taking the brother out and still say that the older brother is the only one watching him, what does your bf say? Obviously the dad has gone to the point where he dislike you that much that nothing else matters anymore. If you really like this guy despite of his family not liking you, then it's time to just distance yourself from them except for holidays and special occasions. You're tough and patient for dealing with all this. I wouldn't allow that if that was me. Good luck!
LovelyRose Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 We are 26 and 24. He does have his own room and the items are left inside his room. As for the plant, I only leave it there an hour or so outside when I go over, and when I'm not around, it is back inside his room. Honestly, my bf has tried speaking up for me but his family refuses to listen. His dad told him that he only believes his oldest son. As much as we would like to move out, I really need to think about all these carefully before we take it any further. Yikes that's creepy. Does your bf lock his room when he's not around? The dad either dislikes you that much that your bf is invisible or the dad has issues with your bf too. Whatever the case is, you are not welcome anymore. Please don't move in with him until you get this resolved or at least you have thought things through. Could you really be completely happy with him without his family's support? Why is moving in together your only solution? We have already suggested to you to stop going there and have him come to you instead? What is your current living situation?
coolheadal Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 (edited) There is not much you can do about all of this you in his family house and you don't have ground to stand on. BF doesn't have much pull either. If the family doesn't like you, all you can do is say "Hi, what's new, sounds like a plan, great meal thanks, you need help around the house, sure I am good with that, thanks for having me over, Goodbye" That's about it. I wouldn't speak to anyone else about your business, because your not there for his family your there for your BF. The Bro BF GF forget her you will never please her she doesn't like your. You can't force to like you shouldn't event try to make it work. About you do you have a house or apart spend time with your BF at your place instead of going to his parents house to make yourself look worst that you are with them. I was always told this not to go over to the in-laws stay out of their business and life. This was another family member who married in to my ex wife family. He had gone through what you and I use to go through. Just better not to be seen and to be heard. In other words don't go there to hangout and why would you go if his family treats you so mean. Negative household you need to be in positive household.. Edited October 2, 2017 by coolheadal
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 If your BF is willing to come to you, do that. There is no reason for you to leave things at his house or go there for more then picking him up or dropping him off. I'd stay away. You can't change crazy, even with facts like the video.
act00 Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Your boyfriend needs to step up to the plate and tell his family to grow up. Better yet, he needs to move out. There is absolutely no way I would tolerate this level of hateful behavior towards my boyfriend from my family, and there's no way I would tolerate this behavior as a girlfriend from his family. I would be walking. I'm not going to make my boyfriend choose or give him an ultimatum. He has to decide what is acceptable and create his own boundaries with his family all on his own. This is all him...all of it. Don't leave your stuff at his house. If you want to keep basic necessities around, keep these items in a shower caddy you can transport to and from the bathroom and store in his room. Better yet, don't stay at his house, period. He can spend time with you at your place where there isn't so much hostility. When you refuse to spend time with his family due to their hateful, hostile, and destructive behavior, he'll either cut you off or make a change, and at this point, I wouldn't want to be around for that change, as you will always be to blame for it and always a source of contention...walk away...run. 1
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