Ex-girlfriend telling how she misses me after 7 months of NC, but she had a boyfriend

[highfidelity]

So my story begins when I (25) first met my now ex-girlfriend (21) two years ago through mutual friends. That time, I know that she had a boyfriend (23) and been together for two years. Since then, we became a good friend and realized we had so many things in common. She also talked about how evil his boyfriend was because he has cheated on her three times and how she finally always take him back. I live two hours away from her place and I visited her once a week. Finally, we developed a mutual feeling towards each other and that is when things are started to complicate.

 

We have known each other for seven months when we were finally dating (yes, she cheated on her boyfriend with me) and we live together in her place. You might be wondering how this works, but really, his boyfriend never gives her a visit and literally doesn't give sh*t about her. They always meeting outside like at malls or cafe. Anyway, the relationship is great. We made a lot of good memories, we laughed together, we cried together, sleeping and eating together, visited a lot of good places together. She said ours was the best relationship she has ever been in.

 

This situation is going on for like 7 months until I've had enough and asked her to make up her mind and choosing between me or her boyfriend. I moved out and ended up doing NC for about two months when finally she reached out to me and telling how she misses me all the time and wants us to get back together again, but I refused. I did that because I want to see that she's being serious about it and really work for it.

 

In the same time, her boyfriend is back in the picture. He chases her again and begging for the final chance. She accepted him and they got back together again. I was broken and regret my decision to play some stupid games, but I acted cool by saying I respect her decision and hope that she's happier than ever. I never heard from her again since that day and decided to move on.

 

Out of the blue, two weeks ago (marked 7 months NC) she emailed me asking what I've been up to after all this time. I was in shocked but happy and telling her I've been doing great. We started to communicate again, we chat almost every day at night. The conversation went well, everything was good, we laughed about old times, etc. Eventually, I said to her that I miss her all this time and how I always think about her, how it's so hard to move on and willing to do anything to be with her one more time because that is the truth. She said she misses me too and always wondering about me.

 

We then decided to go for a coffee two days ago. We talked for 5 hours straight. We hugged, kissed, and holding each other hands just like the old times. Then I finally, asked her about our chance to get back together, but she said she really doesn't know if there's any. I drove her home and she kissed me goodbye. In the next day, we had a phone call and once again, I tried to bring up our previous topic, and she said she doesn't know what the future brings but basically she has just missed me so much and happy that we talked again.

 

I said to her that things cannot be like this, and I have to cut her off completely again because I still have feelings for her. She respected my decision and wishes for my happiness. These last two weeks had set me back to square one. I really want her back someday, but I think only time will tell.

 

I just don't know how to start again. It's been a bumpy couple weeks for me and I need to tell it here. Do I still have a chance to reconcile with her? Is NC is the best thing I need to do right now? Or I have to maintain an LC with her and see things are going?

 

Thank you very much for your kind responses!

[R.Swinny]

Think, present is best. Ex always EX.

[Been]

First she cheated on her boyfriend- huge red flag. Yes it was with you but she has shown the ability to cheat.

She's also hung up on her boyfriend. In her mind he's her "soulmate" and she will keep letting him back in until she takes him down from that pedestal. No matter what you say or do won't change that.

Ego boost. She wanted to see if she could get your attention and she did.

[highfidelity]

Think, present is best. Ex always EX.

 

First she cheated on her boyfriend- huge red flag. Yes it was with you but she has shown the ability to cheat.

She's also hung up on her boyfriend. In her mind he's her "soulmate" and she will keep letting him back in until she takes him down from that pedestal. No matter what you say or do won't change that.

Ego boost. She wanted to see if she could get your attention and she did.

 

Thank you guys for your responses. I know that she's an ex indeed for some reasons and I also know the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend with me is indeed a red flag, but I have lived together with her for quite some time and I have faith in her, that she's the right one for me. I know maybe just not for now and surely I have to move on, but I'm pretty much sure she'll be back.

 

It's just so hard to deny her body language towards me when we had coffee together two days ago. It was so sweet. I felt that she rejected me because she felt guilty about her boyfriend, not because her spark to me isn't there anymore. Don't you think so?

[Zahara]

but I have lived together with her for quite some time and I have faith in her, that she's the right one for me.

 

Just because you lived with her for 7 months does not determine her character to be trustworthy.

 

If anything, she sounds toxic and unhealthy. She went back to a man that cheated on her 3 times and likely treated her badly. She then cheats on him with you. She then dumps you and goes back to this man. Then goes behind his back and ropes you back in again.

 

You need to open you eyes and stop driving yourself just on emotion. Start using your brain. Do you think a woman like this has the ability to have a healthy relationship when she makes very poor and unhealthy choices? Think.

 

You also have to ask yourself, what about you believes you deserve to be treated like an option? Is this all you think you deserve?

 

It's just so hard to deny her body language towards me when we had coffee together two days ago. It was so sweet. I felt that she rejected me because she felt guilty about her boyfriend, not because her spark to me isn't there anymore. Don't you think so?

 

No, she's the kind that loves attention. She knows she can get it from you and him so she bounces between the two of you. It's not because she loves you -- love doesn't behave this way.

[highfidelity]

Just because you lived with her for 7 months does not determine her character to be trustworthy.

 

If anything, she sounds toxic and unhealthy. She went back to a man that cheated on her 3 times and likely treated her badly. She then cheats on him with you. She then dumps you and goes back to this man. Then goes behind his back and ropes you back in again.

 

You need to open you eyes and stop driving yourself just on emotion. Start using your brain. Do you think a woman like this has the ability to have a healthy relationship when she makes very poor and unhealthy choices? Think.

 

 

 

No, she's the kind that loves attention. She knows she can get it from you and him so she bounces between the two of you. It's not because she loves you -- love doesn't behave this way.

 

This slapped me in the face. I think you're right. I definitely should move on. But if ever she contacted me again (which will not likely) and telling me how sorry she was and initiate a reconcile, how should I respond to it?

[Zahara]

This slapped me in the face. I think you're right. I definitely should move on. But if ever she contacted me again (which will not likely) and telling me how sorry she was and initiate a reconcile, how should I respond to it?

 

Reconcile? Her need to rope you back in is because she will likely have issues with this guy again, and come running back to you because you satisfy some of her needs. Then when she needs this guy again, because she is addicted to drama and abuse, she will go back to him and leave you hanging. The cycle will repeat itself because that is her pattern.

 

You should not respond. Block her for your own sanity.

 

You want to think that love conquers all -- it doesn't. It's not enough when you are dealing with someone that is emotionally and mentally unhealthy.

 

Step out of your situation for a minute. If your sister or brother or even a best friend was going through this, what would you tell them? Now apply the advice to yourself.

[Been]

You had no more faith in her when you loved together then her ex boyfriend did when he lived with her. It doesn't matter with her.

[highfidelity]

You had no more faith in her when you loved together then her ex boyfriend did when he lived with her. It doesn't matter with her.

 

Actually, they don't live together right now, but I got your point. Thanks for responding!