momo123 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Boyfriend of 6 years just broke up with me. To be completely honest, I am still confused as to why he broke up with me. He told me that I am too naive and the only way for me to learn is for me to be single. (Really think this is a BS reason). Two weeks before our official break up talk, he acted as if we still had a future together. He went out to eat with my parents (without me there) and even took me to a wishing well and wished for a "long & healthy relationship with my love". So I was really taken by surprise that he was so firm in his beliefs about this breakup. It happened out of the blue. Sure we had our arguments here and there, but our arguments weren't serious enough to warrant a break up especially after 6 years of being together. We have been in NC for a little over a month (discussed it and thought it was best to block each other on every single social media outlet w/ no hard feelings) now and our break up texts were pretty amiable. Recently just learned through a mutual friend that he still loves me but is super set on breaking up with me. He also said that down the line (3-7 years later), he can see us getting back together but it won't happen for now. He has talked to a few other mutual friends, including my best friend, and every single person has suggested that I should move on based on what he is saying to them. I just don't really understand because his actions/word are showing me one thing, yet everyone he has talked to is telling me another. Some part of me thinks he is putting up a front and after knowing this man for 6 years, I know he's the type to make impulsive decisions and tries to justify his decisions by making everyone around him believe that what he did was right. But now I don't really know.... So I am super super confused. Should I move on?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Weird. What does he say you are naive about? What is his definition of naive? In what ways would he like you to be less naive?
Author momo123 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 (edited) For ex. When we argue I would give him the silent treatment or dramatically walk out on him. I would “claim” I would break up with him after a big argument but he knows I never mean it. These are things he never properly communicated to me and I found these out through the mutual friends he talked to. Granted, looking back this isn’t how I should have acted. If I could only go back in time to try to fix these behaviors maybe we wouldn’t be where we are now. But who knows? Hindsight is 20/20 If I did try to fix myself, would he have stayed ? Edited October 2, 2017 by momo123
Steve51 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Sounds like he met another girl. I know when I used to do that, I made up all sorts of reason to break up. Also note that romantic love, the kind you first fall into, only lasts so long. Romantic love blinds us to each other's faults but when it fades away, we need to decide if we want to spend the rest of our lives with our partner or leave. If you decide to stay then you build a new kind of live, not as hot as romantic love but more deep with an acceptance of each other's faults. This could also be the reason but since it happened so quickly, I would lean towards the he met a girl or perhaps was texting her or flirting with her on social media and it turned into a date and new sex is always better than old sex.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I think he doesn't understand what "naive" means. I think he going for "immature." He is correct that the silent treatment, storming away, and threatening breakups are immature behaviour - and they seriously damage a relationship. Did he never communicate about how this made him feel? I have to say that I agree with Steve51. If this really came out of the blue (in the sense that there were no arguments just prior) and things had seemingly going well, then it could very likely mean he's met someone else and wants to explore that. 2
Blanco Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 For ex. When we argue I would give him the silent treatment or dramatically walk out on him. I would “claim” I would break up with him after a big argument but he knows I never mean it. These are things he never properly communicated to me and I found these out through the mutual friends he talked to. You needed someone to tell you that stonewalling someone, making a dramatic scene, and fake breakups aren't something a grown woman should be doing? 1
Giggles666 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 (edited) Always move on. Work on yourself. Either you improve yourself if he ever does come back or you are better prepared for your next relationship. Your actions are pretty immature if I can agree with others. Work on that aspect for the next time, with him or someone else. It's the only thing you can actually do. I also agree, when someone does it out of the blue and comes up with some weird explanations there is someone else, let them go....you are no one's plan b and you can improve yourself. It's hard to accept but it happens, I am going through it right now. She was my first serious girlfriend when I was 19, and she came back 24 years later and we had a great 6+ months. I thought things were great, in fact, she was making future plans and being intimate with me the day of me getting dumped. I have had experience with this before, silly explanations and out of the blue usually mean they met someone and want to explore that option, as soon as they know they can explore something with this other person they will break it off with you. You are in control now even though it does not seem like, the control you have is to move on for yourself. Good luck and take care of yourself. Edited October 2, 2017 by Giggles666
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