Chen12 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Hello there! Havent been here in a while. lol So my ex randomly contacted me a year and a half after our break up. THis guy completely shattered me and contacted me for weeks after the break up but I wanted him out of my life so I ignored him. So a year and a half later he contacts me. This is our conversation Him: "Hey there...Long time no talk to. How have you been? Hour goes by Me: ? who is this Him: It's me (the nickname he used to call me) How are you? Hour goes by Me: ? I need you to tell me who this is Him: (His name) I think about you often. Hope you are doing well. Hour goes by ( i took an hour or more to respond to every message because I didnt care to answer0 Him: think I can talk to you? Me: About what? Him: I really messed up with you. I dont expect you to take me back or anything but I'm wishing you could help me fix myself. I realize now I wasnt ready for a relationship. I'm not not even comfortable with my own self or logical in my own head. I was wrong to bring you in to it. Hours..... Him:And I can't forget your number and I feel so intensely the need to talk to you. I think about you every day and I dont know if I'll ever have anyone as good as you or who would care to know me as well. I made a lot of mistakes in our time together and I dont know what to do. I'm just hoping talking to you would bring me some clarity. If it opens old wounds then I guess do what you're doing and brush it off and I hope you meet someone better than I ever was for you and that you live a happy life. Me: I dont understand why you want to talk to me... what do you need clarity on Him: How to be a better person and handle my next relationship better. I've been working on somethings that I dont do well. I've been sober lately and I got a real job and I'm trying to work on things like my self esteem issues that lead to treating people in ways I shouldn't. I'm not happy with the way I've been acting. I just feel like we're far enough removed from the situation that we could both learn something from it by talking about it maybe. Which is another thing I am working on. Me: Good for you. I'm sure you can go to your sister, friends and family for help on how to be a better person. You already taught me all I needed to know. If thats all you needed I wish you luck with that Him: I think you know me better than that. Then my family. Whatever. best of luck. After reading this conversation, what are your thoughts on it. Did I sound like I wanted him back? Were my response perfect? What do you think about his intentions? I'm curious as to what other people think about this? Also I DO NOT WANT HIM BACK. I suffered with him for a long time. I always wanted to be the one person on his side no matter what and helping him with his problems but all while I was trying to help him he was cheating on me, calling me all sorts of names, degrading me, embarrassing me whenever we hung out with his friends... the list goes on.. if the relationship continued I felt like it maybe would have turned physical..(abuse) .... and I dealt with all because I loved him. I'm so glad I finally snapped out it one night when I found out he was cheating on me with an underage girl.... trash. I no longer want to help him and have successfully forgotten about him... It took me forever to remember that nickname when he texted me.. Maybe its just that there is a small part of me that wants to see him get his heart stomped on by another women. If I placed all my tears that I cried for him throughout that relationship I would have filled a bathtub. I wished so badly that he would feel even a fraction of the hurt he put me through
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 ( i took an hour or more to respond to every message because I didnt care to answer0 But, you do care, or you would not have posted the whole thing here. Back in December I had an ex from a few years ago contact me out of the blue with a super lame excuse about why he was contacting me after so long. I responded courteously, but truly did NOT care. In fact, I was quite annoyed and didn't tell a soul about it (until now). My point is, people who really do not care, do nothing. They do not post the whole thing on a website, asking for opinions. So, on to the question....why do you care? 2
Author Chen12 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 .... Ok... I really hate when I post asking questions and instead of answering my questions someone takes a statement and start making assumptions about me.. I didnt care tbh. It's been more than a year and I have completely forgotten about his existence with all the new and exciting things happening in my life why would I remember? and was debating on whether or not to just ignore and block but I was at church and was feeling compelled to not be rude and at least answer to see what he wanted ...... I'm posting on here to get feedback on whether what I said was right or wrong. I dont care for him but I didnt want to be too mean either..... Does everyone get questioned about the reasons they post on here?
Woodburner Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I am also curious. it seems as if you may not be over him. I can't possibly think of a reason to post on here if you truly have moved on.......
Author Chen12 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 ok . thanks for your help. Now i remember why I never post on here because instead of getting the questions I want answered I get this. No need to project on me .. I'l wait to see if I get any other responses then I'll delete my account.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I'm posting on here to get feedback on whether what I said was right or wrong. I dont care for him but I didnt want to be too mean either..... OK. No, I don't think you were too mean. You seem to have gotten your point across. 1
Marc878 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I thought you did fine. However, a better response would have been no response. You did deliver few good ones though. Hahaha IMO I'd block his number now. 1
SpecialJ Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Knowing no background about your relationship outside of this post, I'm going to take a stab based on what you said that it was pretty emotionally abusive. You talk about him cheating, degrading you, that you fear it could have turned physical, and something I'm particularly familiar with, stomping all over your boundaries after the breakup and trying to keep his foot in there in spite of devastating you and in spite of the clean break you wanted. I'm willing to believe you don't care about HIM. So why are you writing, as the posters above are asking? Based on my experience with this, my guess is you had taken a pretty strong hit to your self esteem by the time you got out of this relationship. If that's true, then it was really painful for you to ignore him and kick him out of your life, at least at first, and being kind of faced with your bully again once you're strong enough to deal with it can still rattle you. I think you handled it fine. You could have totally ignored him and blocked him, but you get a bit of closure this way. You certainly didn't sound like you want him back. If you want to steel yourself against further attempts to rope you back in, block his number for a while. He might try again. What are his intentions? He probably had a recent breakup or something else traumatic for him happened. However, right now it just sounds like flowery talk to see if he can reel you back in. Based on the not respecting your boundaries post-breakup (and his dismissal of the law if he was with someone underage), he could be a narcissist. Then he REALLY does not have your best interests at heart and the contact and nice words are still all about him and what he wants from you. I'd assume bad intentions. If you have any secret desire to continue being in contact somehow, I wouldn't recommend it but you could give him a chance to ask you to meet in person and see if actions and words align. I think it would likely result in more pain for you though, and you kind of nicely told him to f--- off, so block his number and leave it at that. You're stronger now: feel good about that and own it! 1
Author Chen12 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Thank you! You hit the nail on the head! Everything you said was correct. I felt quite proud of myself for my response and lack of emotion. Unfortunately blocking him wont work. I blocked him on every form of social media there is and he has contacted me from 4 different numbers so far (all of which I blocked him). I'll have to change my number if I want to be rid of him once and for all.
Marc878 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Thank you! You hit the nail on the head! Everything you said was correct. I felt quite proud of myself for my response and lack of emotion. Unfortunately blocking him wont work. I blocked him on every form of social media there is and he has contacted me from 4 different numbers so far (all of which I blocked him). I'll have to change my number if I want to be rid of him once and for all. Why not? Sounds like a good idea. Make it your final closure item.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Why not? Sounds like a good idea. Make it your final closure item. I respectfully disagree. It really doesn't sound like this guy is stalking her and changing your number can be a huge inconvenience! I'd be super, super annoyed if I had to change my number because I've had it for 15 years. I mean, if I was being stalked I would, but this situation doesn't really sound like that....
Author Chen12 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 It is a huge inconvenience because this is only number I ever had... since getting my first cell phone in the 2000s and had old friends contact me through it but he has randomly texted and called me from 4 different number so far (even a private number) so I might have to.. I can always just ignore him ... but the private number stuff is annoying.
SpecialJ Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Just ignore him. It may take a little while for him to go away, because he likely thinks that because you did respond then he can wear you down, but he'll get bored soon enough. It's not fair to have to inconvenience yourself further for him, and if you don't care for him anymore then it's a comparatively minor annoyance.
Maldives Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 His lucky u even said a word. If there's one piece of advice I can offer u it's this. So u don't carry the anger into the next relationship somehow find it within u to forgive him it's more so u don't carry the anger around that doesn't mean u tell him over the phone u forgive him but trust me u don't wanna be carrying around that because I can garauntees u u will take it wth u into the next relationship as for him no need to respond and open ur wounds for his benefit
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