dollchick Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's 29 and I'm 31. I love him very much. I still live home as the state I live in is just so expensive. He lives home too. My parents are moving at the end of the year down south bc cost of living is cheaper. A huge part of me wants to go the only thing that puts a damper on that is leaving behind my boyfriend. I feel we should have at least been engaged by now. He is awful at managing his money and is in severe debt. So yes I love him but when I look at big picture maybe I should go and if i am really who he loves he will follow me at some point. But the thought of lwaving him behind is so painful. One of my friends has been encouraging me to go and start fresh and I would love to but I'm not sure what the right answer is. Anyone been in this situation?
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 (edited) Your friend is right. You have given him 3 years to pull up his boot straps and be responsible. There hasn't been any progress. You are 31, you don't have the time to waste on him anymore. A fresh start with the right man is what you need. Taking him with you will only spell disaster. Edited October 1, 2017 by smackie9 1
mortensorchid Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Time to cut him loose. Three years and he hasn't moved any closer to being anything other than the day you started? He's a loser. Time to move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 You don't make big life decisions based on BFs. Spouses yes. GF/BF no. If you stay in your HCOL state you will only end up supporting him but never marrying. 2
Author dollchick Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 I know it's just so hard bc he's my best friend and I wish I didn't have to choose.
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Maybe this is the impetus he needs to step up to the plate. 2
kendahke Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I still live home as the state I live in is just so expensive. He lives home too. I feel we should have at least been engaged by now. He is awful at managing his money and is in severe debt. No, you should not be engaged at all. You can't afford to live on your own without your parents' help and he is in severe debt and can't manage his money. Exactly how are you going to manage not only your own lack of income to afford to live on your own there, but also his lack of income to contribute to any apartment you're fantasizing on having with him just so you can stay with him? Are you going to be counting on hand outs from your parents? You're 31--you're long past the age where you should be expecting to be underwritten by them. Friend or no, the anvil--that is your boyfriend's financial irresponsibility--tied to your neck while you're drowning in your own financial inability/reluctance to do what it takes to make your ends meet isn't the answer to keeping said friend in your life as your domestic partner, let alone husband. He's had more than enough time to figure out something. Why is his debt out of control and what is he doing to get a handle on it? That has to be resolved before going into debt to put a ring on your finger. This should also be a huge red flag to you that love doesn't conquer all--bills still need to be paid and being responsible goes hand in hand with being grown enough to take a wife or husband. The #1 reason why couples split up is because of money--and the lack of money makes life really, really stressful on its own without the inevitable added resentment of him and his debt being heaped on.
Author dollchick Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Actually if I had to I could live on my own. I am a radiologic technologist. I chose to stay home and continue to save bc the state I live in if I lived on my own there would be not much money to be saved. I say we should be engaged bc he should have been ready to take the next steps in a relationship at 29. Just to clarify
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 So what....you are willing to have your savings eaten away, just because you don't want to leave him behind? Does that make for a sound decision for a 31 year old? Time to take off the rose colored glasses.
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