Sunshine830 Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I have been dating a man for 15 months now. This is going to sound immature but when we first started dating he was all excited about being Facebook official posting stuff on my page Etc. Fast forward every time we got or get in an argument one of us Defriends the other and he even goes so far as to delete all of my pictures on Facebook. He just got back from out of town working for 2 weeks, came over to my house and spent the night and I friended him on Facebook because we hadn't been friends since he'd been gone. He refused to accept it and I saw that he deleted all of our new vacation pictures because we had been arguing while he was on out of town. Needless to say I was pretty upset but no matter how upset I got which was ridiculous he refused to just do that one small thing for me and tag himself in our pictures again. He said his dad commented last time we became friends and said the drama continues so he doesn't want anybody on there to know about his relationship anymore. I told him if he's in a relationship with me he's not going to look single. About 6 months ago I caught him texting a girl that had friend requested him that he went on a date with right before we met when we were arguing. I have a really bad habit of breaking up everytime we get in a bad argument. I know it sounds truly dramatic and immature but I honestly do love this man. He says he loves me too which I think that he does. I don't know how we can get past all of this arguing. He ignores me when he's mad and I tell him that sets me off but he continues to do it. I guess I should just end this and I have tried but he continues to come back and bother me. I need to be stronger I guess. Am I wrong for thinking that if he can't do this one small thing for me and show everybody he's in a relationship that I don't want to be with him? I told him if he doesn't have any faith in us he shouldn't be at my house either. The main problem I have is his family treats me probably a lot based on how significant he shows me on Facebook which is nothing and then he expects me to go to their house for everybody's birthdays, etc. He could fix it but he chooses not to. I realize Facebook is not real life and it shouldn't really matter but it does to me because his family matters to him on there and I feel completely insignificant to him when he tells me know he refuses to be friends with me.
love.sick.101 Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I don't think you are wrong for this. I agree fb is not real life but it's just the principle behind it. Stay strong and Don t give in
Lorenza Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I've decided I'm not gonna add any romantic interest/boyfriend on Facebook ever again. Keeps the unnecessary drama away. My friend is the same as you - she'll remove her boyfriend and their common pictures whenever they have a fight and the whole Facebook knows what's going on in their relationship. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who rolls my eyes at that silliness. Trust me, it's best to keep your private life private. Posting on each other's pages and sharing pictures won't make the relationship better. In fact the strongest relationships I know are of couples who on't post anything about it at all. Some don't even have each other on Facebook. I think you two should do the same. 2
Miss Spider Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Just delete Facebook. Watch how many of your issues get resolved. 3
act00 Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 You sound like you have way too much conflict in your relationship. This is a relationship issue more than a FB issue. I'm not sure what to think because you are quick to dump him and unfriend him whenever you argue, and that sounds exhausting and painful and certainly doesn't demonstrate you're in it for the long haul. I'm surprised he hung around this long. You both need to work on communication and quit being so impulsive. Him ignoring you completely is not cool. With this much conflict, I don't see how this is going to work long-term. Maybe you're just not meant to be. Relationships have their turmoil, but it should be this hard. Not in the first year. Maybe you need to seek relationship counselling to help you get on the same page and manage conflict better. I agree that not friending you as a minimum on FB is a real problem. After a year, also stating your relationship status should be occurring. The really big problem is him texting this woman. Are there other women besides her? Is he not friending you due to the fact he wants to appear single? I think it's time to let him go. If he's texting other women, he has one foot out the door anyway. He can add you to FB and cheat anyway. His FB status won't change that. 2
Author Sunshine830 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 Yeah he won't get off Facebook because he wants to follow his children who are all adults but yet he refuses to get rid of his account. He was texting this woman while we were arguing and I have broken up with him I guess he actually made a date with her she showed me because I contacted her but never went through with it. The real problem I have with that is when he got the friend request we were looking at his phone one time this was in March and he totally denied that he even knew who she was and had one-on-one date with her right before he met me.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Facebook isn't the problem - it's the symptom. You two have a lot of conflict for only 15 months. That is the real issue here. Yes, I understand you want him to present himself as attached. But if you're always breaking up with him when you two argue, I can understand why he doesn't want to keep adding you back only to have another falling-out and cycle repeats. I have an ex who would delete me every time he was mad at me, and I stopped adding him back too. It was embarrassing having to explain to eagle-eyed FB friends, and I don't like drama. However, I suspect there's much more to this than him simply not wanting to go through the hassle of another add-delete-add-delete cycle. You caught him texting someone else - meaning? I am assuming these were texts a man in a relationship shouldn't be sending. And now he doesn't want any trace of you on his online presence. Not good. This doesn't sound like a very healthy or solid relationship, OP. The FB problem is only a manifestation of bigger cracks in your relationship. 1
coolheadal Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Just delete Facebook. Watch how many of your issues get resolved. It's not so easy to delete over 10 years of face book for me. I try not to use it for my social life. In 2015 that did happen. I can tell you it was nightmare. Never again.
Author Sunshine830 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 I totally understand what you all are saying about Facebook not being important in causing drama in a relationship but if it's important to me for him to retag himself an hour pictures shouldn't he just do it? Rather than losing me over something so ridiculous? I know it cheaters going to cheat a since he has talked to another woman we've had the same discussion before I want myself visible on his social media. I don't think there's anything wrong with requesting that. He talked to The Other Woman while we were broken up and arguing but I guess he continued to talk to her for a month while he was talking to me also. I guess their texts weren't any big deal and there were only four or five of them but it still bothers me. should I just dump him? Because I cannot trust him now and he calls me insecure constantly. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time moving on.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 OP, it's the mere fact that there is all this conflict to begin with that's concerning. In theory, having your presence known online shouldn't be such a big deal to him, no - but again, it's the source of that hesitation and resistance that's the real problem. We can't tell you if you should dump him. Personally, I can't handle an on-off relationship that's riddled with problems like the ones you're describing. I can't tell you what works for you, though.
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Facebook isn't the problem - it's the symptom. You two have a lot of conflict for only 15 months. That is the real issue here. Yes, I understand you want him to present himself as attached. But if you're always breaking up with him when you two argue, I can understand why he doesn't want to keep adding you back only to have another falling-out and cycle repeats. I have an ex who would delete me every time he was mad at me, and I stopped adding him back too. It was embarrassing having to explain to eagle-eyed FB friends, and I don't like drama. However, I suspect there's much more to this than him simply not wanting to go through the hassle of another add-delete-add-delete cycle. You caught him texting someone else - meaning? I am assuming these were texts a man in a relationship shouldn't be sending. And now he doesn't want any trace of you on his online presence. Not good. This doesn't sound like a very healthy or solid relationship, OP. The FB problem is only a manifestation of bigger cracks in your relationship. Funny I was going to say exactly this (bolded). FB is a symptom. You guys don't have healthy fighting styles--it's just playing out on FB and you are looking for it to be "resolved" on FB for how it looks to others. The problems will still remain that you guys break up and stop communicating whenever there is an issue--and you fight an awful lot. Maybe you just aren't right for each other. Anyway good luck
coolheadal Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I totally understand what you all are saying about Facebook not being important in causing drama in a relationship but if it's important to me for him to retag himself an hour pictures shouldn't he just do it? Rather than losing me over something so ridiculous? I know it cheaters going to cheat a since he has talked to another woman we've had the same discussion before I want myself visible on his social media. I don't think there's anything wrong with requesting that. He talked to The Other Woman while we were broken up and arguing but I guess he continued to talk to her for a month while he was talking to me also. I guess their texts weren't any big deal and there were only four or five of them but it still bothers me. should I just dump him? Because I cannot trust him now and he calls me insecure constantly. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time moving on. You can't change him and you shouldn't even consider getting an answer from him. He can do whatever he pleases that's pretty much what's going on here. Your having hard time to move on because you want this guy and he's not interested if he was he would have reached out long time ago. But you can always have hope.
knabe Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Unless you are both 15 this is ridiculous. You are just as petty as he is. Clean up your side of the street and let him worry about his. 1
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 This isn't about FB, this is about how crappy your relationship is and should end. No relationship should have this many issues especially this new. Let it go, it's over, need to move on.
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