caring guy Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Hi all I expect all of you have read No Foolin's post down below, it's a classic & reads so well. We parted on Thursday & mostly to do with my problems i am addressing. Problems that hindered some of our 18 month relationship. There were great times, but some bad times that i look back on with disgust with myself! It came to a head at end June when we hada big row & fate has it she was out with a friend in a bar & someone approached her & they had dinner & saw each other a fiew times over a month, seeing me too, hence the space she wanted from me, so she could see him too & come to a decision. We spent Thursday together & talked a lot & she still loves me, but not that way anymore, but says she wants to see me, for coffee in town & a chat & we can chat on msn etc (she did this with ex's whilst i was with her), i did trust her then, but i know i drove her to this, so it's not like she had no reason to look elsewhere, although she admits, she should have come to a decision about me first! She couldn't take the risk of giving me a chance to sort my problems out, as she's heard it all before & experienced it in other relationshios!, but Actions & only Actions, speak louder than words!, this is why she wants to see me & i can show her my progress. As we parted, emotions showing, she asked me to message her soon. There nebver was a no contact rule, as we still have each others stuff at each others houses. What i'm saying is/ it's all about her missing me, so she must do the first move & by me contacting her, it's like me seeming needy, yeh! Like a push & pull thing!, i push, she pulls & vica versa. I love her to bits & she is in my mind 24/7 & i want her back! I've belatedly offered her my comitment & told her my feelings for her & her kids. Question. Where is the fine line between not contacting her & hoping she will me in her time, & me not contacting & her thinking i'm not bothered anymore? As there's been no rule between ourselves, except that we said we could be in contact, we both could be waiting for each other!.
Rocko Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 She's already moved on. Do NC for yourself, and not for her. Get yourself in order while doing NC. Expecting her to call will only end up hurting you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Where is the fine line between not contacting her & hoping she will me in her time, & me not contacting & her thinking i'm not bothered anymore? That is a fine line that will only fade with time and continued 'no contact'. we both could be waiting for each other!. You may be waiting for her, but she isn't waiting for you. She won't wait for someone she rejected, and knows that she can have back any time she wants. You can't miss what is yours for the taking. She will only miss you (if she does at all) when you completely remove yourself from the position of 'being there for the taking'. That will only happen if you cut her off completely and not only show her that you've moved on, but actually feel that you have. Take this time to work on yourself - not to show her your progress, but to show yourself. That is the key to finding your own happiness. Until you do find your happiness, you will have none to share. All you will have is the happiness you derive from others - which ultimately will be unfulfilling and you will always wonder when that happiness will be snatched away from you. If you have it inside, you will feel pain about losing the relationship - but you will still have a solid foundation inside yourself to build on.
Author caring guy Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 I'm sorry i come across as needy & can't be happy without her, but now, that's true, as it's sp fresh. Why is it so hard. I have my faults i'm working on, she told me she wants to see me for a coffee & chat on msn, yet she just slips out of one relationship into another effortlessly. I wanted to work through this, triumph through adversity & look back in the future at our probs & say 'hey, remember those bad days'! Waiting, maybe the wrong word, but as SHE said she wants to be in contact, she may expect me to do it first! There was no harshness on our parting, just tears! initially, she thought about continuing to be with me & i could show her my progress as a couple, i know that would have been a big risk for her, but she still wants to see me & we agreed to meet occasionally & over time she will see a different me. This guy obviously doesn't have issues. She believes i won't improve, but people do shed there demons & realise they need to chose who they want to be! Lucreziaborgia, your last paragraph is so true, but whilst in the relationship & being with her, it was all so nice & i was happy, we talked of the future, being old together, i didnt think that the things i took for granted would end it!, i was blind & i hurt so much. I never thought about being alone & how i'd feel. This relationship started very quickly from the end of another one & the reliance of others for my happiness was the problem then & i didn't take time out to realise this & sort it out! I said that she could have a bad future with him & better the devil you know than the one you don't!, how does she know that in 3 months time all could be bad with them & not with us! Nothing is in concrete I do know that we can reconcile, & i will prove her wrong, but i also know about myself!
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