kendahke Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I was initially just asking if she would catch on if I talked to her all the time. No, not if your conversations are generic and shallow and demonstrate no indication of your interest, oh, like say ASKING HER OUT FOR A DATE. You're playing "read my mind" games; and only children play games.
coolheadal Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I'll ask If I feel good about it but Im not there yet. I was initially just asking if she would catch on if I talked to her all the time. I talk all of them there in general You want her to ask you out instead don't you? It will never happen that way. Man-up and ask her out instead of figuring out what to say..
Author Sdives Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 I'll get to it when I can.Its not time yet.
Author Sdives Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 You want her to ask you out instead don't you? It will never happen that way. Man-up and ask her out instead of figuring out what to say.. I'll try to get it done soon I don't think its time just yet I've only known her for few weeks, I need to give it time. the more timeI spend connecting with her, the more she feels like she knows me. I don't have to rush in, but I can if I want to. If I initially get rejected, it might be because she doesn't really know that much about me. Getting to know her and developing a friendship first doesn't mean I'm friendzoned for life. The next couple weeks likely I will
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Good lord us ladies have already told you that isn't how it works. You get rejected because she never had any interest to begin with. It takes 7 seconds for a woman to decide whether you are BF material or not or at least have some interest. My LTRs started with cold approach and me expressing interest in them....I wasn't going to waste any time. Not once did I date someone seriously that started out as friends. I had many male friends....they were friends for a reason....I enjoyed their company, but had no sexual interest no matter how well we got along.
Author Sdives Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Good lord us ladies have already told you that isn't how it works. You get rejected because she never had any interest to begin with. It takes 7 seconds for a woman to decide whether you are BF material or not or at least have some interest. My LTRs started with cold approach and me expressing interest in them....I wasn't going to waste any time. Not once did I date someone seriously that started out as friends. I had many male friends....they were friends for a reason....I enjoyed their company, but had no sexual interest no matter how well we got along. I havent been rejected I havent done anything yet
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I meant, she has already made up her mind whether she wants to date you or not. If she doesn't want to date you, building a friendship will not change her decision. That is why I say get in there and ask her out, because talking to her for 3 more weeks will not change the outcome. 2
normal person Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 OP, you got your responses from the girls and are choosing to disregard them because you assume you know better. Why even ask? This is painful to read. 1
Author Sdives Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 I meant, she has already made up her mind whether she wants to date you or not. If she doesn't want to date you, building a friendship will not change her decision. That is why I say get in there and ask her out, because talking to her for 3 more weeks will not change the outcome. That may be true but I haven't even decided my position. This was a simple question and it got much bigger than I thought. I need to converse with her a bit more to see if its worth asking. I don't want to waste my time or hers. There will be lots to talk about if she does say yes. Im not motivated enough just yet to ask. I just wonder if she's knows somethings up. I honestly dont know why I want to do just yet.
normal person Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I need to converse with her a bit more to see if its worth asking. I don't want to waste my time or hers. Asking her takes 10 seconds. The collective time spent by people responding to this thread advising you to just do it already has been exponentially more than that. Your plan is to talk to her for several more weeks. Do you really value anyone's time as much as you think? 3
Author Sdives Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Asking her takes 10 seconds. The collective time spent by people responding to this thread advising you to just do it already has been exponentially more than that. Your plan is to talk to her for several more weeks. Do you really value anyone's time as much as you think? I cant see how a few 2-3 minutes chats and some joking around warrants a date. Im working on it
normal person Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I cant see how a few 2-3 minutes chats and some joking around warrants a date. Im working on it This is more exchange than a lot of people have when they start talking on OLD to complete strangers. A few messages to ensure no glaring red flags, and then a date. People who take too long get "nexted" real fast in favor of someone more proactive. What warrants a date isn't the amount of time you talk to her. It's whether or not she wants to do date you or not based on what she's seen. Whether she does or not, she probably knows already (as one woman said, women know within a few minutes if they want to go out with you or not). So unless you've got some grand plan to impress her further (not just continue to have idle conversations for several more weeks), there's no sense in not just asking her now, as if she has the inkling that you're interested, which she likely does , but thinks you're too scared to act on it, she very well might realize you're afraid and think less of you for not being to simply ask her out.
preraph Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I consider this a mind**** challenge I'm usually down to take them up on. I stare them with a straight/borderline b*tchface right back and I always win staring competitions Yea I am still single I think the whole "standoff" thing can be funny, but getting into a competition doesn't usually end happily. Then you'd feel like a fool and the loser if you "surrender." But so will he. Why it's a no win situation.
preraph Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I know the fact that she works there is a confounding variable. If we keep talking I hope I can get a nudge in the right direction to make a move. Last week I was very confident that she might be interested. Later last week not so much. I'll keep talking but I hope she gets the hint and gives me something I can work with. Because she realized what you were up to and pulled back. Women aren't fooled by this crap. 2
preraph Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 If she's like most women she's already made up her mind about whether she's into you enough for a date or not by now. There is a segment of women who like to build up a whole lot of rapport but they are a minority. If she's into you, pussyfooting from there on out is just going to make her more confused and give other guys more opportunity to get her attention. If she's not into you, she's just enjoying the conversation or being polite I highly doubt it will change the outcome one bit This is the gospel truth ^ right here. She already knows the answer. You're not doing anything by waiting but letting her know how chicken you are. But if she was nice at first and now isn't as much, that's your answer. We women are usually nice and friendly to people who talk to us but we know to pull back if we get a vibe that a guy is wanting more than to be friendly. But if we like the guy, we would push forward, not pull back as you say she has done this week. 1
preraph Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I'll try to get it done soon I don't think its time just yet I've only known her for few weeks, I need to give it time. the more timeI spend connecting with her, the more she feels like she knows me. I don't have to rush in, but I can if I want to. If I initially get rejected, it might be because she doesn't really know that much about me. Getting to know her and developing a friendship first doesn't mean I'm friendzoned for life. The next couple weeks likely I will Geez, she already knows if she's attracted enough to you to accept a date. She knew it five minutes into talking to you. Dates are for getting to know someone, not a marriage proposal. You're trying to "date" her at the gym because you want a guarantee. 3
Author Sdives Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 This is the gospel truth ^ right here. She already knows the answer. You're not doing anything by waiting but letting her know how chicken you are. But if she was nice at first and now isn't as much, that's your answer. We women are usually nice and friendly to people who talk to us but we know to pull back if we get a vibe that a guy is wanting more than to be friendly. But if we like the guy, we would push forward, not pull back as you say she has done this week. She was flirty one day and the previous week and a bit. Then pulled back the next day. I did nothing but the usual small talk so there was nothing done to suggest I had romantic intent. I talk to everyone there so I don't act like homing missile on her or focusing like laser.
Author Sdives Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 (edited) This is more exchange than a lot of people have when they start talking on OLD to complete strangers. A few messages to ensure no glaring red flags, and then a date. People who take too long get "nexted" real fast in favor of someone more proactive. What warrants a date isn't the amount of time you talk to her. It's whether or not she wants to do date you or not based on what she's seen. Whether she does or not, she probably knows already (as one woman said, women know within a few minutes if they want to go out with you or not). So unless you've got some grand plan to impress her further (not just continue to have idle conversations for several more weeks), there's no sense in not just asking her now, as if she has the inkling that you're interested, which she likely does , but thinks you're too scared to act on it, she very well might realize you're afraid and think less of you for not being to simply ask her out. She was flirty one day and the previous week and a bit. Then pulled back the next day. I did nothing but the usual small talk so there was nothing done to suggest I had romantic intent. Nothing zero zilch. I talk to everyone there so I don't act like homing missile on her or focusing like laser. If we talk some and it goes well then I'll ask. It was last Monday she totally receptive but since last Tuesday she was kinda cold. We talked for a bit on Friday, which was more personal. Here we are today, I said nothing really today other than "Hi" as she was busy working. I'll act if the situation warrants it. I can't see how I have been nexted. I honestly don't even know if I want a date just yet. She used to smile at me allot and had few smiles tonight Edited October 3, 2017 by Sdives
Author Sdives Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 What's interesting is that she seemed friendlier towards the end of my workout with smiles tonight. Not when I first showed up. I wonder if she's trying to see if I'm needy or clingy etc. It makes sense somewhat, I felt last Monday things were getting warmed up. If Momentum was like it was last Monday I felt I could ask her out no problem Last Tuesday, I knocked on her office door to ask to continue what we were taking about earlier that day.However there were other staff there and it was bad timing. Things got awkward after that.
GemmaUK Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 What's interesting is that she seemed friendlier towards the end of my workout with smiles tonight. Not when I first showed up. I wonder if she's trying to see if I'm needy or clingy etc. It makes sense somewhat, I felt last Monday things were getting warmed up. If Momentum was like it was last Monday I felt I could ask her out no problem Last Tuesday, I knocked on her office door to ask to continue what we were taking about earlier that day.However there were other staff there and it was bad timing. Things got awkward after that. Oh dear! In this case she definitely knows what you're up to but also have shown you don't respect the fact she is at work. She was receptive, she has figured your agenda out, if she had been interested your chance has passed but this action would likely have turned her off.
C.JunioR Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 This post is a waste of time. A guy with no confidence and in denial, just needing a virtual space where truthful advice is provided so he can physically carry out the act of typing out his denial thoughts. 4
Author Sdives Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 Oh dear! In this case she definitely knows what you're up to but also have shown you don't respect the fact she is at work. She was receptive, she has figured your agenda out, if she had been interested your chance has passed but this action would likely have turned her off. So you think I had a chance then blew it? I had no idea who was in the office, I was asking about traffic flow to get to a certain place. I already know all these people and talk with them multiple times a week. The other staff helped me out it was no big deal.
Author Sdives Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 This post is a waste of time. A guy with no confidence and in denial, just needing a virtual space where truthful advice is provided so he can physically carry out the act of typing out his denial thoughts. What? this thread is nothing like my intent was.
Author Sdives Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 This is more exchange than a lot of people have when they start talking on OLD to complete strangers. A few messages to ensure no glaring red flags, and then a date. People who take too long get "nexted" real fast in favor of someone more proactive. What warrants a date isn't the amount of time you talk to her. It's whether or not she wants to do date you or not based on what she's seen. Whether she does or not, she probably knows already (as one woman said, women know within a few minutes if they want to go out with you or not). So unless you've got some grand plan to impress her further (not just continue to have idle conversations for several more weeks), there's no sense in not just asking her now, as if she has the inkling that you're interested, which she likely does , but thinks you're too scared to act on it, she very well might realize you're afraid and think less of you for not being to simply ask her out. So you really think that my hesitation is causing the pull back? and she knows this? you see I haven't done anything overt that lets her know without a shadow of a doubt that I am interested Its not that easy, everyone is working there are people everywhere, I can't stop people to talk on demand for 10 minutes. I cant interfere with her dong her job hence the small talks.
GemmaUK Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 So you think I had a chance then blew it? No, only she knows whether you initially had a chance, like Cookie and others have said a woman knows in seconds/minutes if she would be interested in someone. This can quickly be eradicated by off/weird behaviour though at any point. However, if you were picking up from the previous day's conversation and it was about traffic then that's just general daily talk. I had no idea who was in the office, I was asking about traffic flow to get to a certain place. I already know all these people and talk with them multiple times a week. The other staff helped me out it was no big deal. Had she had any interest though I suspect she would have jumped to help you. Trouble is this is weird behaviour, I don't understand why you would knock on a staff door where people will have been working likely several hours for an update on traffic. Surely you'd be better asking a fellow gym goer who just walked in or checking the travel news on your phone?
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