in_patient Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 (edited) Met a woman online about a week ago, I think. We exchanged a few messages which gradually got longer then she suddenly gave me her number, citing that 'communicating would be easier'. I messaged her the next day - continuing the length and detail of the messages we'd been exchanging. She didn't always reply immediately, but would do so at some point. However, sometimes taking almost a day to reply. Then - she asked me out for a drink. She said that she was "better at the face to face thing, honest!" - I take from this that she's just not into/good at communicating by phone? I don't know. She constantly tells me (when she does reply) how she likes me, and calls me 'lovely' when she refers to me (like a pet name, but obviously not one). However, she often disappears for hours without replying - can sometimes take an entire day to reply. Can see that she's read my message on WhatsApp (blue ticks) and is online quite frequently without replying. I've tried to call her twice on two different occasions, two different days, she didn't answer either call. Explanation was that she missed one of the calls, and the other that she was out with friends. I don't message her very often as the lack of replying and intermittent interest is starting to confuse me. I can't tell if she's not interested as, when she does talk to me she seems interested and keeps mentioning the date. But then disappears again. The only reason I'm pursuing this is because she still seems keen to meet up and has referred to it a couple of times without me bringing it up, and the "I'm better at the face to face' comment makes me think perhaps she's just bad at replying/phone communication. That's my take on it. Can anyone suggest what I should do, or maybe it looks like something different? I don't intend to contact her until the evening before the day we're due to meet. (Also quite important to state that we're both female so that I don't get a whole load of "go and watch Corey Wayne!" type advice ) Edited September 30, 2017 by in_patient
Miss Spider Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 She sounds like me. She told you straight up she prefers communicating face to face. Why assume she's lying about that?!? Especially provided she asked you to meet up. If you're not cool with her style, move on. 3
Author in_patient Posted September 30, 2017 Author Posted September 30, 2017 She sounds like me. She told you straight up she prefers communicating face to face. Why assume she's lying about that?!? Especially provided she asked you to meet up. If you're not cool with her style, move on. No, I thought this was the case. I'm just feeling unsure about the whole dating thing because I haven't done it for so long! It's a relief to get feedback from someone who seems to have the same dating style, actually. 1
Miss Spider Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 If her dating style is anything else like mine, I wouldn't be so quick to be relieved xD but yeah, let's stay optimistic because she did ask you on a date and tell you she's bad at phone communication. That or she's got another man and you're her side piece which a lot of people have assumed about me. More will be revealed on dates have fun 1
Author in_patient Posted September 30, 2017 Author Posted September 30, 2017 If her dating style is anything else like mine, I wouldn't be so quick to be relieved xD but yeah, let's stay optimistic because she did ask you on a date and tell you she's bad at phone communication. That or she's got another man and you're her side piece which a lot of people have assumed about me. More will be revealed on dates have fun LOL! Well yeah I'm going by those two things Ha. I've actually thought she might be already with someone, but as you said... we shall see what happens on the date.... lol 1
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 I don't believe you can just much by the frequency of text messages. Going a whole day without speaking to a stranger (which is what you two are) seems like no big deal to me. Stop fretting over it. She asked you for a drink. That screams a high level of interest & a great deal of self confidence. Go meet her for a drink & stop trying to read negative messages that aren't there. 2
Versacehottie Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 I don't get why you are trying to get the text/messaging portion of your "relationship" with her perfect and all in order if you haven't even met. Just meet her already and then you will have a better idea how to proceed. Isn't that the goal, to have a real in life relationship? 1
act00 Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 What is your problem?? She asked you out! Go out with her! Why are you trying to decipher her texting style and communication and clocking the time instead of doing what online dating is about and meeting her in person? That's the whole idea, right? Meet in person! Or is your goal a penpal? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I'm scratching my head right now. She's dropping off because you aren't taking action and meeting her. That's all she wants! 3
Author in_patient Posted September 30, 2017 Author Posted September 30, 2017 What is your problem?? She asked you out! Go out with her! Why are you trying to decipher her texting style and communication and clocking the time instead of doing what online dating is about and meeting her in person? That's the whole idea, right? Meet in person! Or is your goal a penpal? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I'm scratching my head right now. She's dropping off because you aren't taking action and meeting her. That's all she wants! Lol, we're going out on Wednesday. Lord no, no penpals over here Her messaging pattern has always been like this, tbh.
Author in_patient Posted September 30, 2017 Author Posted September 30, 2017 I don't get why you are trying to get the text/messaging portion of your "relationship" with her perfect and all in order if you haven't even met. Just meet her already and then you will have a better idea how to proceed. Isn't that the goal, to have a real in life relationship? I think what's happening is that I'm used to swapping numbers and talking for a bit BEFORE meeting - but clearly it appears that her style is MEETING and THEN chatting.
Miss Spider Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 That is true. She could be the type who doesn't want to get invested by talking a lot until after you've met and she can see it go somewhere. Both men and women online can be like this after some experiences where they've chatted a lot and it didn't translate well to person or the person never met up so they don't want to get sucked back into that. To sum it up, going on the date is the only way to know whats up xD 1
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I think what's happening is that I'm used to swapping numbers and talking for a bit BEFORE meeting - but clearly it appears that her style is MEETING and THEN chatting. Yeah, i understand that is your position. From what you wrote here I think there has been enough and like act00 said she could be dropping off either because she is not much for pen palling and wants to do real and/or doesn't want to invest more until she sees what it is like in person. I wouldn't be expect perfect or gf like communication if you haven't met already--she also may be the type never to give you that (i.e. that will never be her style) but much more important is that you not invest more in ANY way until you see if you want to move forward with her--and you are at the next step (IMO) to just meet her already and see if that would be worth your time and vice versa. Good luck! 1
Author in_patient Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Well, it's a day before our supposed date and I haven't contacted her at all. If I'm honest, I don't even feel like going on it, anymore (for various reasons, mainly that I was put off by the lack of contact/responses to my messages). I was thinking about either contacting her tomorrow to see if she's up for it still or.... simply deleting her number and not bothering at all. While I can appreciate that she may have a certain dating style, I feel that simply not replying to my messages at all was a bit rude... I wasn't overbearing, I must have sent one message per day. She'd come online, read it, and just go offline. When she did reply she would be very nice to me and was clearly interested, but yeah... flat out ignoring my messages has kind of put me off.
act00 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 I'm not sure what advice to give at this point. I don't know how much I would actively pursue someone who seems so uninterested, but on that same note, I'm so tired of the texting and texting and never meeting, and I just don't have the energy to invest in that texting. I want to meet in person, rip of the Band-Aid, figure out if there's a point in moving forward or not. There are scammers out there, so it makes it very difficult to put time into texting until I know for a fact they're real...meeting is real. I know you're really blah about all of this right now, and it won't kill you to extend a text asking about her day and letting her know you're looking forward to meeting her. Make sure the date is still on, at least on your end...you have no idea what she might ultimately do, and I guess that's a risk you're going to have to take. It's going to work or it won't. She'll show or bail. At the end of the day, you'll know you tried. You don't want to look back at "what if." You're not obsessively communicating with her and blowing up her phone. You're extending reasonable communication, IMO. Take away her interest level in her texts to you, when she texts, until you meet her. You say when she texts, she appears genuinely interested. 1
Author in_patient Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Well, we went on the date... Conversation flowed pretty well - no awkward silences, etc. She touched my hands a few times - I figured either she's just touchy-feely or she was flirting. I couldn't really read her. I actually liked her, I thought she ticked a lot of boxes for me. I thought the date went quite well, but again I have no frame of reference as I don't really 'date'. Anyway - she's just messaged me. Something along the lines of "I had a really great time, and I'd love to hang out more, but as friends; how do you feel about that?" - I haven't replied and to be honest, yeah, I'm disappointed. Not really sure what to say to that, lol. If anything.
Author in_patient Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 I don't get it! We had so much in common, and I thought everything went well. I keep racking my brain to think whether I said something wrong, or maybe I had on the wrong clothes, or what... I mean, she'd already seen what I looked like before we met, unless she felt I didn't look the same. I know you can't really ask "why didn't you like me?" but.. it's just confusing. I do feel really disappointed. She is the first person I've met in a while who seems to align with what I'm looking for - I was thinking about telling her that you know, I really do like her and I want to get to know her (again, I know that's something you can't really do) She said she'd "love to hang out more" and "how should we do this?" - can't tell if that's just something people say, though. Like I said, I don't really 'date' so I don't know the terms and discourse. I feel quite upset, if I'm honest
Miss Spider Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Sorry it didn't work out, Op. don't trouble yourself with the 'why' just keep trekking 1
Author in_patient Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 Sorry it didn't work out, Op. don't trouble yourself with the 'why' just keep trekking After I made those posts, she's asked me if I want to get a drink in a couple of days... I haven't replied, yet 1
Miss Spider Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 After I made those posts, she's asked me if I want to get a drink in a couple of days... I haven't replied, yet As "friends" ? You should reply thx but no thx 1
Author in_patient Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 As "friends" ? You should reply thx but no thx Lol, yeah. I find that confusing. To me, that's how people act when they're interested in someone; meeting up again in a couple of days. She has friends, people to hang out with. She doesn't know me from anywhere. I don't get it
olivetree Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 She sounds like someone who is socially confident and likes having a lot of friends. If you think you can handle just being one of her friends, go for it. If you think you'd be crushing on her the whole time, tell her you think she's really cool but you're not looking for friends right now. 1
Author in_patient Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 She sounds like someone who is socially confident and likes having a lot of friends. If you think you can handle just being one of her friends, go for it. If you think you'd be crushing on her the whole time, tell her you think she's really cool but you're not looking for friends right now. Hm. You've got a point. Yeah, she seems very sociable and outgoing. I don't know if I can handle being just another friend to her. Obviously I don't know her to the point that I'm in love with her, or anything.... but I do feel like I like her more than just platonically, and I really felt great in her company (which is why I'm considering seeing her again) Ugh. I really hate these kinds of situations.
Miss Spider Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) I would straight up tell this girl nah you're good, you have friends, and didn't go on a dating site to make friends. She has a hint you're romantically into her if you asked her out so now she is going to try to milk the ego boost /validation friendzoning men affords women. Don't bite at all is my opinion Edited October 5, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author in_patient Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 I would straight up tell this girl nah you're good, you have friends, and didn't go on a dating site to make friends. She has a hint you're romantically into her if you asked her out so now she is going to try to milk the ego boost /validation friendzoning men affords women. Don't bite at all is my opinion I guess so. Yeah she knows I'm into her. I guess its out of the question to be upfront and say "Look, I appreciate your honesty but I would like to get to know you in a romantic capacity. I think you (fill in the blanks) and I think we'd have a great time together, What do you think?" or something like that. I mean, I won't have lost anything by doing that, will I.
Author in_patient Posted October 7, 2017 Author Posted October 7, 2017 Huh. I changed my WhatsApp profile picture to one with me in glasses, and I get a random message from her... "You look cute in glasses ;)"
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