trevjim Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 So im going through a different break up at the moment, but about 6 months ago, I actually ended it with someone, and I think it caught her by surprise. its a common theme for the dumpee, they just dont see it coming, and its something that i didn't see coming in my current break up, but seeing as ive been on the other side of it, i thought i would share my story, as the insight might help some people on here. Firstly, we were not really properly together, only dated for about 7 weeks. on our first date we got on so well, i actually had a blast. i did find her attractive, perhaps not as much as i would of liked, but enough, at the time anyway. so seeing as the first one went well, we had a second, then a 3rd etc etc. i always had a good time with her, and she with me it seemed, we got on really well. we had started having sex and it was ok. personality wise she was great. we had a few lifestyle differences but nothing i couldn't look past. on paper, she ticked alot of boxes. like i said, she wasn't as attractive as perhaps i want in a partner, but i figured seeing as we get on so well and alot of things line up, i would keep dating her. but throughout the whole time, I just felt something was missing, not just the attraction, but the 'magic' as i like to call it, it wasnt there, and despite trying to give it time, it never came. on the day of the 'dumping' I had a weekend off work and she took a couple of days off so we could spend it together, i was looking forward to it, but as the time came, I just felt like i couldn't be bothered, it felt like a bit of a chore. I wasnt excited, but i really wanted to like this girl, so i went to hers anyway to see how it went. she seemed so happy to see me, really excited to to be spending the weekend with me, yet as soon as i got there, i wished i wasnt. It sounds horrible and but its just how i felt, I couldnt change that. we spent the evening together, had dinner and watched a film, it was ok, then as we were getting ready for bed, i was laying in it waiting for her to come into it. this is obviously the time when we would have sex, but i just had no desire for it, i just felt like i wanted to be in my own bed at home. I didnt want to have sex with her, knowing my head wasnt fully in it, that wouldn't be fair on her. so i ended it right then, I just said along the lines of "look its not working, youre great but theres something missing for me". which was completely true put my clothes on and went home. her face still haunts me, she came in the room looking so happy and excited, only for me to drop that bombshell. she sent a text not long after saying ' i dont understand, what did i do?' i explained nothing and just reinforced that something was missing. she hadnt done anything wrong the whole time. for her, everything was going well, she had no idea i was having slight doubts about where it was heading, i really wanted it to work, she is a great girl and will make a great girlfriend for someone, but it wasnt to be me. i remained no contact after that and so did she. I felt immense guilt after, i knew i had done the right thing, even if the timing sucked (i just got dumped on my birthday 4 days ago, so i know all about bad timing) i wasn't emotionally invested in her, despite how much i wanted to be, it just never happened, so i moved on pretty quick. but that didnt mean i didnt care about her or her feelings, i actually thought about her alot in the weeks after, and still do from time to time. i dont know how she got on, perhaps she spent weeks sobbing into a pillow and eating ice cream or perhaps she forgot about me the next day, who knows, but i really do wish her luck. so there it is, of course not all dumpers feel the same after a break up, im sure some dont care, but most times I think they do, like I did.
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 You are a good person. You were honest. Unfortunately, she got hurt. Nobody relishes being the source of somebody else's pain. You have to assume she got over you & carried on. It's all you can do. Do not reach out to try to soothe her pain; it's actually cruel to be kind in that sense because you will only confuse her & give her false hope.
Maldives Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Ye I agree with D0nnivan u did the right thing nice clean cut and u were honest wth her and yourself about how u felt
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