DacaInaru Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Ok.. question for the guys.. Do you find women who will not have casual sex a turn off??? this is why I ask.. I have been divorced/seperated from my ex for 3 years.. and have not had Sex since.. why because having casual sex is meanless and its just not me.. so.. when I have been talking to men.. who are considering me as a possible date the question comes up of what do I do for sex? etc..and I tell them I don't have it.. because for me it just not my character to have sex just to have sex..its not that I don't like sex.. i do.. i just won't have sex with random and multiple men. then thats it.. I don't hear from them again... so is a woman who won't have casual sex a turn off???
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 No I don't think it is a turn off.. I don't mind waiting some time to see if the relationship turns into something more meaningful first.. On another note.. 3 years.. I think it's time for an intervention.. I think you can apply for your virginity back after 18 months.. You are now a virgin again
Cecelius Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Turn on in what way? For the next couple hours? Sure. Relationship wise, no. If it's too easy then it's not really worth going after.
Author DacaInaru Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 LOL fly.. I have cobwebs growing in there..LOL
alphamale Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru so is a woman who won't have casual sex a turn off??? if it is just a woman I just want to boink then, yes, it is a turn off....if its a woman I really like and can see myself in a serious relationship with then it is a turn on...
FWIW Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 It depends what you say! I assume you don't say you never EVER have sex any more, that would put almost any man off, we don't want to go without; but if you say you wait until someone seems to be worth getting close to, then you are properly getting rid of the shallow predators, and then when someone genuine comes along it will be worth the wait. Good for you - don't give it up for just anyone!
933KJL Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 I am a 43 yr old divorced guy and I agree...it is a lot about the chase. Someone ho gives it up too easy is most definately not relationship worthy. However, if there is a comfort level, you get along, are both mature, I would say that after 4 to 6 dates it might be appropriate to consider the horizontal mambo. That is not to say this is THE next relationship or your next spouse, but come on, we (at this age) are adults, mature, responsible, and have needs, and desires. So dust off those cobwebs (by the way the image of that is pretty disturbing in the literal sense) and if you find someone with whom you are comfortable, by all means do not deny yourself the pleasure. I agree that casual or one night sex is no good. But I also do not agree that you need to be in a marraige bound relationship to have it either!
Author DacaInaru Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 I agree that casual or one night sex is no good. But I also do not agree that you need to be in a marraige bound relationship to have it either! I agree.. I don't intend on getting married again at this point anyway.. but.. I also don't want to screw every tom, dick and harry that comes my way.. I mean.. its cheap or at least thats how i feel.. lol.. when I meet guys I don't say "I'm never having sex again. or i'm waiting to get married. etc.." what I say is I'm not into casual sex or friends with benefit type relationships and that seems to turn them off.. go figure.
Cecelius Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Heck, I didn't read the post right - it said "NOT" having casual sex... As the OP notes, she doesn't make a big deal about it (THAT is a turn off when a woman you're hanging with for 10 seconds gives you a whole big speech). I just assume most women are not into it, try my best to get it and generally prefer to date the ones who are hardest to get (within reason -- a few weeks/maybe a month) and who don't make a huge issue about it.
Author DacaInaru Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Heck, I didn't read the post right - it said "NOT" having casual sex... As the OP notes, she doesn't make a big deal about it (THAT is a turn off when a woman you're hanging with for 10 seconds gives you a whole big speech). I just assume most women are not into it, try my best to get it and generally prefer to date the ones who are hardest to get (within reason -- a few weeks/maybe a month) and who don't make a huge issue about it. the funny thing is that I'm not the one that brings it up.. usually the guys ask me.. usually along with the how long ago was your last relationship question... when asked I answer honestly.. and then they are done.
alphamale Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru what I say is I'm not into casual sex or friends with benefit type relationships and that seems to turn them off.. most men will construe the above statement to mean "I'm just not into sex, period". It is probably best to say nothing in this situation.
933KJL Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 I would not even bring it up. Hey if he puts a move on you and you are not comfortable, mention something like that at the time. Casual sex may mean different things to different people too. A woman I dated a while back was definately not into casual sex and had not had sex since she divorced as well. After four or five dates, kissing, and so forth, we were out to dinner and a drink and the general topic of sex came up. Nothing pressured, but I mentioned that I could not go without giving oral sex to a woman. We were having a silly conversation. Well maybe she felt that since I could talk about it that it was no longer casual sex. We ended up back at her house and doign my favorite thing that night--not planned either. After three more dates, we were in bed and so forth. We did break up but it was geography-she lived almost two hours away and the logistics with her kids and mine was a nightmare, but we still keep in touch and don't feel bad about what we shared. As a matter of fact, it was her that suggested the break off. So, I would not get into the sex conversation right away--it will come around eventually and then you can have abetter feeling of how you feel with this p[erson
Author DacaInaru Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 well I don't bring up the conversation.. but if i'm asked how long its been and reply then asked why I reply.. lol
april Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru I also don't want to screw every tom, dick and harry that comes my way.. I mean.. its cheap or at least thats how i feel.. lol. I understand..DacaInaru, I feel exactly the same way. Originally posted by DacaInary I have cobwebs growing in there..LOL I have a friend who has said "you gotta get out there girl, or it's gonna grow over." LOL!
noname Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru Ok.. question for the guys.. Do you find women who will not have casual sex a turn off??? this is why I ask.. I have been divorced/seperated from my ex for 3 years.. and have not had Sex since.. why because having casual sex is meanless and its just not me.. so.. when I have been talking to men.. who are considering me as a possible date the question comes up of what do I do for sex? etc..and I tell them I don't have it.. because for me it just not my character to have sex just to have sex..its not that I don't like sex.. i do.. i just won't have sex with random and multiple men. then thats it.. I don't hear from them again... so is a woman who won't have casual sex a turn off??? no. i don't find it a turn off. it could actually be a turn on, but maybe you are just wording it wrong. or talking to the wrong guys. IMO, i don't think you should feel the need to explain yourself in such detail that early. i would think that most guys who have enough b_lls ask you that question before you even go on a "possible date", just want to put it in you and they are testing the waters to see if you'll bite. you should not feel bad about letting them know if you find it inapproriate, and would like to get to know them a little better before you start talking about that stuff. maybe, leaving a little information out will get you a call back. if you really do want to tell your business though, a decent response would be something along the lines of "nothing at the moment, i haven't found the right guy". that gives hope and may be a little less harsh. sometimes you can over explain yourself. some guys might get the wrong impression that no "casual" sex means no sex at all and exit stage left. i would just ask you if it would mean more if i wore a tie...
aznatama Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 LOL I'm a 22-yr-old male and the idea of just casual NSA sex is just not appealing to me. To me, I want some sort of deep emotional attachment before committing to something like that. I even tried to have casual sex but it never turned me on and didn't work out for me even though I tend to have a seemingly insatiable appetite for sexual intimacy when my gf is around.
933KJL Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 AZNATAMA-- Don't fret you will grow out of this phase!
Author DacaInaru Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by 933KJL AZNATAMA-- Don't fret you will grow out of this phase! i'm 35 and still haven't grown out of that stage.. wondering if its just men that grow out of it. lol..
clandestinidad Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 where the he11 are you meeting these losers who ask you about that so soon?!?
alphamale Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru i'm 35 and still haven't grown out of that stage.. wondering if its just men that grow out of it. lol.. most women are not into casual sex....some are but it is very few. the whole "Sex and the City" thing it total bullcrap cause it just does not happen in real life. By casual sex I mean a ONS with a stranger you don't know, etc.... by the way studies show that women want the same qualities in a casual sex partner that they'd want in a serious relationship: looks, money, personality, humour, large penis, etc....
Author DacaInaru Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by kat23 where the he11 are you meeting these losers who ask you about that so soon?!? well.. some i have met online.. but unfortunately most of the idiots I have met though friends or at various functions.. i'm starting to lose hope on the whole dating thing. lol
933KJL Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 by the way studies show that women want the same qualities in a casual sex partner that they'd want in a serious relationship: looks, money, personality, humour, large penis, etc.... so then why am I not getting more casual sex? Is it working for you Alpha?
Outcast Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Unfortunately, the 'studies' referred to are the ones quoted in the "MEN -- ENLARGE YOUR PENIS TO GARGANTUAN PROPORTIONS" emails.
alphamale Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Unfortunately, the 'studies' referred to are the ones quoted in the "MEN -- ENLARGE YOUR PENIS TO GARGANTUAN PROPORTIONS" emails. that is not true....basically when it comes to sex women don't lower their standards whether it is casual or not. men will lower their standards just to have sex....
clandestinidad Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 quote:by the way studies show that women want the same qualities in a casual sex partner that they'd want in a serious relationship: looks, money, personality, humour, large penis, etc.... so then why am I not getting more casual sex? Well, we're gonna have to see a picture of you, your penis, a copy of your bank account statement, your investment report(s), and wait and discover your personality and humor through posting on LS to be able to answer that one...... and Deca, I'd stop doing the internet thing....the huge majority (look, I said majority, not ALL, so I wont get accused of anything) of them are wanting online sex, leading to in person sex, and then nuthin. Even the one's on dating sites....b/c what better place to find women who are openly looking for men....they figure its 'easy to manipulate those desperate women into sex' (not what I personally think, just from a guy-looking-for-sex perspective) and seriously, who are your friends introducing you to!!! These guys are obviously not worth your time, so I dont think you should change the fact that you tell them that after they ask! What better way to cut out the losers before you waste more time on them!!!
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