Worth pursuing or not?

[Vinny56]

So I've been seeing this girl for over a month now, booked a hotel together and stayed there too, it feels like magic when we're together and I haven't felt anything like this before. But recently she's been fading away a bit and I've realised I initiate most of the dates ect. After our night at the hotel she told me she's not sure what she wants anymore mind you shes accidentally called me her boyfriend before so I don't understand. I was supposed to see her today she told me this morning she wasn't feeling too well and would let me know in the afternoon and she just cancelled on me. I would like to see her more and I know she's free most days and even though I work I can always make time Monday-Sunday. But she doesn't initiate anything. She's also accidentally said "I love you before" and told me she wasn't ment to. I obviously am head over heels for her and said it later on aswell. But I don't understand what she wants now? She's hot and and cold when we txt aswell and cancelling on me tonight definitely got me a little upset because if you want to be with someone you would give it your all right?

Edited September 29, 2017 by Vinny56

[Ieris]

Personally I would walk away if someone was pulling away so early in the game. Minimize contact and see if she makes any effort. If you don't hear from her then cut your loses.

[kendahke]

So I've been seeing this girl for over a month now, booked a hotel together and stayed there too, it feels like magic when we're together and I haven't felt anything like this before. But recently she's been fading away a bit and I've realised I initiate most of the dates ect. After our night at the hotel she told me she's not sure what she wants anymore mind you shes accidentally called me her boyfriend before so I don't understand. I was supposed to see her today she told me this morning she wasn't feeling too well and would let me know in the afternoon and she just cancelled on me. I would like to see her more and I know she's free most days and even though I work I can always make time Monday-Sunday. But she doesn't initiate anything. She's also accidentally said "I love you before" and told me she wasn't ment to. I obviously am head over heels for her and said it later on aswell. But I don't understand what she wants now? She's hot and and cold when we txt aswell and cancelling on me tonight definitely got me a little upset because if you want to be with someone you would give it your all right?

 

Not one's all, but as close as one can, seeing you've only known each other for only 30 days.

 

But you've asked a rhetorical question there: "IF you want to be with someone". Well, how is she acting? She's acting like she's no longer interested and you're too smitten with the potential of a relationship with her (read: having your own way) to see that.

 

You went really hot and heavy in 30 days and may have blown through what should have taken at least 6 months to establish.

 

Now, she's doing the mind eff of establishing a pattern early on, bringing pain by disrupting the pattern and telling you she's not sure of what she wants, and in a few weeks after you've ignored her, she's going to pop back up like nothing's happened.

 

Your best bet the minute someone starts with the "I don't know what I want", calling you by their boyfriend's name, canceling on you is to cut them off cold: block them, delete them from social media and go look for someone else. This isn't going to go anywhere--it may have been too overwhelming, she may not be over her ex and she's sure acting like spending time with you isn't interesting/important to her.

 

You need some distance to gain perspective.

[Vinny56]

Personally I would walk away if someone was pulling away so early in the game. Minimize contact and see if she makes any effort. If you don't hear from her then cut your loses.

 

You're right I would've normally walked away but somehow I got way to invested way to quickly, I'll try to minimise contact and stop making plans and see if she reaches out to me and plans a date

[Vinny56]

Not one's all, but as close as one can, seeing you've only known each other for only 30 days.

 

But you've asked a rhetorical question there: "IF you want to be with someone". Well, how is she acting? She's acting like she's no longer interested and you're too smitten with the potential of a relationship with her (read: having your own way) to see that.

 

You went really hot and heavy in 30 days and may have blown through what should have taken at least 6 months to establish.

 

Now, she's doing the mind eff of establishing a pattern early on, bringing pain by disrupting the pattern and telling you she's not sure of what she wants, and in a few weeks after you've ignored her, she's going to pop back up like nothing's happened.

 

Your best bet the minute someone starts with the "I don't know what I want", calling you by their boyfriend's name, canceling on you is to cut them off cold: block them, delete them from social media and go look for someone else. This isn't going to go anywhere--it may have been too overwhelming, she may not be over her ex and she's sure acting like spending time with you isn't interesting/important to her.

 

You need some distance to gain perspective.

 

Yes exactly and I keep making excuses for her whenever she doesn't reply or seems blunt because I'm blinded by the fact that I'm totally smitten. Which I haven't been over a girl for a long time. And no sorry she didn't call me by her boyfriends name she accidentally said I was her boyfriend while we were talking about her family. But you're right at the moment it seems as if iam low priority to her so I will minimise contact and see where it leads. I don't understand we had such great dates together where she was totally smitten too!