Hoosfoos Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 ...and I had no idea that hearing the news would hit me so hard. I feel like I've been sucker punched. It's been so long since we've split, and I've been hardcore no-contact. I found out through a mutual friend at the place where I was called into work today. It's the same circle of people that knew us back when we were together. Anyway, I knew that hearing about her was inevitable but I had no idea that this news would hurt so much, even after all this time. I went home after work and bawled my eyes out. The time we spent together left a profound mark on me, but in all honesty I was struggling financially the entire time, and had to make decisions to get my life back on track. She couldn't wait, as her clock was ticking. She's 41 now. My plan to return to school was completely sustainable and my financial future has never been brighter. And I did it all on my own. And I was offered a job today. My previous profession was killing me and i had to get out. It really hurts to know that the timing of all this would still would have allowed her to have a child with me, but no, she was dead against me going back to school and jumped ship when I made it clear that I wasn't going to give it up. She had checked out of the relationship a long time before that. I've been really lonely since she left and dating hasn't been fun or successful since then. And on the day when I've assured a bright financial future having no-one to share that with hurts too. Ironically I made all those plans to save the relationship. I'm that guy, that seemingly normal "great catch" that has been damaged by "girlfriend zero".
divegrl Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 I'm so sorry. This must be really difficult for you. I think this is a common theme among us LSers. We look great on the outside, but we've been severely damaged by our exes. Keep going my friend. It sounds like things are already starting to turn around for you......!! 1
Buriall Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Im sorry youre going through these difficult times, All i can say is keep pushing forward. 1
Noideanow Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 sad for both of you If you loved each other, but why did you do it when she was against it, couldnt you have talked it out and found a genious solution where everybody could Be content and no feelings should Be Hurt? There is many avenues of Money right? Or many ways to cut costs so you need as Little of Them as possible, Very sad to let stupid rules of society destroy love:( As a woman i guess it would Be the same if i Said i have to deliver My baby in an institution every day Even if My baby is crying, so that i Can earn Money for us, why not say i want to find a way where no One has to cry and we will earn money\whatever survive:cool: Accepting pain so easily and think its necessary i think is wrong:( we Make society we Can change it every day for the better:) Could you tell her you regret it? Maybe she doesnt truly love the new man but loved you:confused:
elaine567 Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 When *women get to late twenties/early thirties the clock is ticking and any man who is unwilling to commit or who prioritises career over his relationship is going to get dumped if he is not totally on board with giving her the kids she wants and needs. The window for having kids once past mid twenties is narrow and issues like fertility start raising heads in men and women, so hanging around with a guy who does not view kids as his raison d'etre is seen as a waste of time. She loses interest pretty quickly or she sticks around until it obvious she is fighting a losing battle... She has to find a father for the kids she is destined to have, so if this one won't, then the next one will. (*not all women want kids but I am speaking about the ones that do) 2
Billygg Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 You did the right thing: you went to school to have a better job and get out of something which was killing you. Someone who had cared enough about you would have waited. See? She is having as child now at 41 years old, once you have already get your degree and a better job. Time has proven you right, there was time for everything: for you degree and for her child. It's not your fault. When you want to be with someone you are with that someone and thing about how to cope with the difficulties rather than running away from them. 1
Maldives Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 ...and I had no idea that hearing the news would hit me so hard. I feel like I've been sucker punched. It's been so long since we've split, and I've been hardcore no-contact. I found out through a mutual friend at the place where I was called into work today. It's the same circle of people that knew us back when we were together. Anyway, I knew that hearing about her was inevitable but I had no idea that this news would hurt so much, even after all this time. I went home after work and bawled my eyes out. The time we spent together left a profound mark on me, but in all honesty I was struggling financially the entire time, and had to make decisions to get my life back on track. She couldn't wait, as her clock was ticking. She's 41 now. My plan to return to school was completely sustainable and my financial future has never been brighter. And I did it all on my own. And I was offered a job today. My previous profession was killing me and i had to get out. It really hurts to know that the timing of all this would still would have allowed her to have a child with me, but no, she was dead against me going back to school and jumped ship when I made it clear that I wasn't going to give it up. She had checked out of the relationship a long time before that. I've been really lonely since she left and dating hasn't been fun or successful since then. And on the day when I've assured a bright financial future having no-one to share that with hurts too. Ironically I made all those plans to save the relationship. I'm that guy, that seemingly normal "great catch" that has been damaged by "girlfriend zero". I been in a similar situation wth my then ex wife. What you'll find or I have anyway woman are driven more by there needs not so much us. She was 30 I was 35 lol and she couldn't wait another 2 yrs to clear her gambling debt which would have meant I would have had to work 2 jobs to cover the bill and the time I just wasn't prepared to go that way as my cycling was very important to me and it would of m3ant giving that up but just 2 more yrs and we could but she also left found someone else and had 2 kids wth him 3 yrs later. I think what it boils down to is not the fact that u could do it now and have kids but more so there belief in us that we would have kids wth them and them taking the risk hanging around waiting for us. I guess the chance of them missing that opportunity meant more to them in the end than me and u and they weren't prepared to take a chance on it or us. So much for love hey lol 1
Fever of love Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 ...and I had no idea that hearing the news would hit me so hard. I feel like I've been sucker punched. It's been so long since we've split, and I've been hardcore no-contact. Gotta hurt man, I can only relate to what you must be feeling. I really do not know how I would cope with similar news. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, is all I can say. That's what I'm trying to do, and you know what? It doesn't help at all! But what else can we do? Good luck on your journey. 1
Author Hoosfoos Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 couldnt you have talked it out and found a genious solution where everybody could Be content and no feelings should Be Hurt? Oh, trust me , I made massive efforts. I took a year off attending school to look for jobs (her idea) with my previous training to try to satisfy her needs. She got a job with her masters education at the same time and was already working. The job hunt was completely unsuccessful and I started feeling terrible. Her response to that was to take shots at me and shame me.
Author Hoosfoos Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 When *women get to late twenties/early thirties the clock is ticking and any man who is unwilling to commit or who prioritises career over his relationship is going to get dumped if he is not totally on board with giving her the kids she wants and needs. The window for having kids once past mid twenties is narrow and issues like fertility start raising heads in men and women, so hanging around with a guy who does not view kids as his raison d'etre is seen as a waste of time. She loses interest pretty quickly or she sticks around until it obvious she is fighting a losing battle... She has to find a father for the kids she is destined to have, so if this one won't, then the next one will. (*not all women want kids but I am speaking about the ones that do) She was sitting on the fence when she was with me about having a child. She never stated explicitly her goal in life was to have a child. In fact she told me she'd be a s#itty mother because she is so critical.
Author Hoosfoos Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 Someone who had cared enough about you would have waited. That says it all right there. She didn't. It's possible that she never truly loved me.
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