Stopme Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Hi all, I have met a guy I really like. On our last date, only date number 4 I was at his place. We had just spent the night (first time). As I was dressed and ready to leave he gave me a cuddle and all of a sudden smacked my ass really hard. I made a comment and he just laughed. He has texted me a few times since then but I either haven't responded or just responded coldly. I don't know what to make of this really but I am definitely not happy about it. Maybe he just thought it was amusing. I really like this guy, should I give him another chance if he apologises or just move on waving my red flag?
coolheadal Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Booty, butt he might like doing that? You sound like it was wrong too do. I use to grab the butt myself on the gf I was seeing prior. I guess I have done it on this one one also. I do it a different way not to hurt woman. So he wack butt hard that was rude on his part. he should say he's sorry instead of laughing about it.
RecentChange Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 What's the problem? I love getting my ass smacked But seriously.... Explain to us, and perhaps him why you have an issue with it. 4
Author Stopme Posted September 28, 2017 Author Posted September 28, 2017 Hi RecentChange. Well, it was really hard and when I said 'that hurt' he said 'it was meant to'. I don't know him that well, I've had a rough time with dating lately though, could be over-sensitive. He probably thinks I'm really into it because the sex was well, non-vanilla lol
RecentChange Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Sounds like he was being playful - and if the sex wasn't vanilla - I guess I don't understand your shock / offense. What did you think he meant by it? Me? I would be have probably liked it, but if I did think it was too much I would have either said Ouch! And told him I liked my ass slapped but not so hard... Or more likely wrestled him and spanked his back! And told him he better be able to take what he dishes cow boy. I wouldn't wait for an apology, he probably has no idea you are expecting one. If you like him, COMMUNICATE with him. He isn't a mind reader and probably has no idea you are dwelling on this. 8
neowulf Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Look, every one and every relationship is different. This isn't about whether or not your tastes are valid. You don't like being smacked on the rump? Fine. That's a boundary. The bit you *really* want to pay attention to is how he reacts to it. Because what you've just described sounded like someone who doesn't give a **** about your boundaries. "That hurt" "It was meant to" Not "Wow, sorry.". More "Meh, you'll learn to like it". Think about that carefully before you get in any deeper. 5
Author Stopme Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 neowulf, that's exactly how I'm feeling. It's not the slap, it's his reaction. If he thinks he's going to control me, he can f** off. 1
LovelyRose Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Hi RecentChange. Well, it was really hard and when I said 'that hurt' he said 'it was meant to'. I don't know him that well, I've had a rough time with dating lately though, could be over-sensitive. He probably thinks I'm really into it because the sex was well, non-vanilla lol I echo RecentChange. So you don't know him that well but you had sex with him already and it was "non-vanilla" hahaha. Don't you know a lot of guys are playful like that? Your reaction probably came off too cute for him so in his mind he was just messing around. My bf really likes it when I say it hurts. It turns him on, lol. Youre just too sensitive. If it really bothers you then you need to inform him face to face that you did not appreciate it. But say it in a nice way and don't make him feel stupid about it. 1
BaileyB Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Nothing wrong with a slapped bottom in my house... 2
RecentChange Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 I am guessing that non vanilla sex didn't include any Dom/sub play?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 1. It was a problem for the OP. So, it matters. 2. The OP DID inform him that it hurt, so no mind reading necessary. 3. The guy (essentially a stranger who just had sex with her) gave a dismissive reply, so it matters...to the OP. Is it possible that he was a little carried away. Yes. Is it possible that this is a sign of something more troublesome....yes. OP, the ball is in your court to rehash the incident and let him know that his response, most of all, was not appreciated. Let the chips fall as they may. 7
Author Stopme Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 No but I smacked his ass!! But that was during sex and not to physically hurt him.
LovelyRose Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 neowulf, that's exactly how I'm feeling. It's not the slap, it's his reaction. If he thinks he's going to control me, he can f** off. Whoa slow it right there. Was he dead serious when he said it was meant to or was he giggling and smiling? How did you react and what did you say after he said it was meant to? Right now it sounds to me he was just being playful and maybe likes to play rough. You don't know each other well enough yet. So communicate and DON'T just jump to any negative conclusion. This guy is probably so clueless you're on this forum about this, lol. If you want him to respect your bounderies then be very clear of what it is and make sure he understands. 2
LovelyRose Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Look, every one and every relationship is different. This isn't about whether or not your tastes are valid. You don't like being smacked on the rump? Fine. That's a boundary. The bit you *really* want to pay attention to is how he reacts to it. Because what you've just described sounded like someone who doesn't give a **** about your boundaries. "That hurt" "It was meant to" Not "Wow, sorry.". More "Meh, you'll learn to like it". Think about that carefully before you get in any deeper. Wow, that's way too negative thinking. Remember, we are reading her thread. We don't even know the tone of his voice how he said it. To some of us he was just being playful. 1
Author Stopme Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 Hmm. Maybe I'll give him another chance and just explain I wasn't happy about it. Then see what happens. He is a nice guy other than this, in this world of 'dating' he ticks a lot of boxes. He lost his partner to cancer two years ago and I know that he nursed her, so I don't think he's an ass**le. 2
Popsicle Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 I like it, but if you don't just tell him. 2
uncorked Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 I'd interpret that as him being into me. Sounds like he's fun and sexy -- unless it's like so hard it gave you bruises! But a swipe on the butt is nothing. If you're that upset about it, you should wait longer to have sex.
Blanco Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 A nice, unexpected smack on the backside is one of the things I miss most about being in a relationship. It's just not the same when some random in a crowed bar does it. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Slapping my ass or anywhere, lifting me up, poking me in the ribs and breasts, pulling my hair are all things that I don't see as fun in a relationship. I've had pain, bruising, ripped and torn out hair and concussion from them. His comment would worry me. If a guy physically hurt me again after being told it hurt and not to do it I'd be out. 2
elaine567 Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 We don't even know the tone of his voice how he said it. To some of us he was just being playful. Exactly, we weren't there but the OP was, and she didn't see it as "playful" did she? Also when told it hurt her his response was not exactly kind and caring was it? I know slapping women on the butt can be seen as "fun", but when that women does not see it as fun or when it actually hurt her then he needed to take notice, not dismiss her with. "It was meant to" He demeaned her and when she tried to defend herself he demeaned her even further... Red flag 1
todreaminblue Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 If you really like the guy be truthful...... tell him it hurt and you arent into pain...you understand he probably did it as a joke..but it wasnt funny to you, and you would prefer he didnt do it again...deb..... 3
soyou Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 I wish somebody could just smack my ass right now. I think he was being playful. When you see him again, you can just playfully tell him that "You smacked my ass so hard last time, so I was scared off. I had to take a few day break to have my ass recovered from that slap!"":)
thefooloftheyear Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 At first I would have said that's a bit much for a guy to do to a woman he doesn't know that well. but if she banged him. well., that ends that... I wouldn't want to be with someone that was overly sensitive about that stuff, but that's me...I agree with Recent Change opinion here... Bottom line(no pun intended), if you like the guy don't blow it out of proportion..Explain it to him and see what happens..This may just all blow over... Its kinda silly to bail out for stuff like this...No one expects to know everyone's whims or desires, when in the dating phase, that stuff takes time...If two people are reasonable and considerate, this stuff balances out over time.. TFY 3
salparadise Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 He probably thinks I'm really into it because the sex was well, non-vanilla lol No but I smacked his ass!! But that was during sex and not to physically hurt him. You just had "non-vanilla" sex with the guy, during which you smacked his ass... and you're upset? I don't get it––it's sort of like being upset that grass is green, the sky is blue, and the sun rises in the east all the damn time. What do you mean by non-vanilla? I'm guessing that it didn't involve a ball gag or being suspended from the ceiling, correct? Lobe nibbling perhaps? 3
Popsicle Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Yeah I don't really get what all the fuss is about, especially since you said you just had "non-vanilla" sex? Is it that you prefer to be in the dominant position?
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