Miss Spider Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 With the additional context, I also wouldn't trust this guy 1
Raena Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 With your first post there was a lot of room to wonder if you weren't just being an overly controlling girlfriend. But your second post really tells more of the story and takes away that wonder. I don't think you are being controlling in the least. This is a woman he had an affair with while he was married. He shouldn't in any way expect you to be ok with him continuing to remain close with a woman who likely was part of the reason for why he divorced. That coupled with his inability to be honest about his interactions with her lead me to believe that he would love to keep her on the sidelines while in any relationship he has... be it with you are any other woman. Her role is to be his sidegirl secret and he wants to keep it that way. That is unhealthy. This isn't some female platonic friend he's known for ages and you aren't some nagging girlfriend who is jealous of his friendship. This is a man who has maintained a friendship with someone he had an affair with and you are very right to be upset about that. His relationship with his exwife is also concerning too. Why is he maintaining a relationship with her? Do they have children together? Even if they do, there shouldn't be cause for concern because he shouldn't be giving you reason to be concerned about her either. As for his comments that he wouldn't be able to handle it if you also had male friends tells me that he is well aware that his relationship with these two women is unhealthy. He wouldn't want you to be also carrying a flame for 2 other men. If I were you, I'd seriously consider ending this. You can't change him. If you don't like the way he lives his life then you should walk because even if he makes an attempt to change it for you, he'll revert back to his old ways eventually. People are who they are. He's shown you who he is. Take it for what it is and walk away before you end up hurt. 2
Poutrew Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 Dump him before you become the second wife he cheats on with this woman... 1
kendahke Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 Thanks for the additional information. It makes a huge difference in what sort of advice you get. And thanks Olivetree for asking for it. He's not emotionally done with her... probably never was. Sounds like he is using you as a place holder because the one he really would rather be with is her, but she probably put distance between the two of them due to the mess of his divorce and her role in it disintegrating. What do you think I should do? I've told him that he should still be close to her but just not lie to me But is this the truth of how you really feel, or is this your way of not losing a relationship and having to start over with someone new? and maybe I'll stop shutting all other guys out of my life and I'll get some guy friends myself and he flipped out because he doesn't want me having any close guy friends.That's called game playing and if things are to the point where this is all you have to go with, then your relationship is done and you just need to pack your stuff and get out of his life. Seriously. You're using innocent guys to get back at someone who doesn't even deserve this level of effort. I don't know what to do because him being close to them and not letting me is upsetting yet I know I'm never going to escape this whole situation. I want to just be cool about it and not threatened but I've been so deceived and he's so one sided about it. In order to be with him, you have to turn into the girlfriend who is cool with him continuing an emotional affair with someone with whom he's already established that track record--and that includes him trash talking you behind your back and telling her all the negative things that are going on in your relationship. You will never have his word that he will stop---he's already telling her to hold on while he lulls you back into a stupor and if she's dumb enough to wait you out, then that's what going to happen. They both know their roles in this. She didn't pop back up in his life for no reason or out of the blue. He summoned her and she answered the call. Now, the question becomes: can you flip yourself into that woman who tolerates this and be happy and still feel good about yourself and your decision making processes?
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