Jump to content

What does this text mean?

Kclyno11

By Kclyno11
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Kclyno11 New Member

Kclyno11

Posted
Posted (edited)

So, my boyfriend sent this text to a girl he's close to when we got in a fight because I felt deceived about how close they really are.

 

"I got in a weird fight with ***** today. She's really really mad that I talk to you. I'm gonna disappear for a while. I'll figure this **** out. I'm really depressed about this **** but I have to figure it out. I'm sorry. "

 

He says I'm twisting what he meant by the text when I feel he was telling her he's unhappy being with me and heart broken he can't be close to her. What do you think the text means? What message was he trying to send his friend? Am I over reacting like he thinks? Thanks for the advice.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Where did he say in his text he's unhappy with you?

 

I don't see anything in this text suggesting they are more than friends.

  • Like 2
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

I read it as he's trying to placate you but he wished you'd be more understanding about his relationship with her. Nevertheless he's still picking you over her.

 

 

Yet you are still upset. Be careful. When a guy does what you want, if you are still in a snit about it, he's gonna walk.

  • Like 2
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

It means he is sad he can't talk to her anymore because of his fight with you/you don't like it. That and he uses silly emojis. That's all I got out of it.

  • Like 1
SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted
I read it as he's trying to placate you but he wished you'd be more understanding about his relationship with her. Nevertheless he's still picking you over her.

 

 

Yet you are still upset. Be careful. When a guy does what you want, if you are still in a snit about it, he's gonna walk.

 

That's exactly right. He has a friend who is female and due to your insecurities he has to stop talking to her.

 

You will cause exactly what you fear which is him leaving you. Not right now, but eventually because you are trying to control him. People don't respond well to that.

 

If you want him to stay, trust him and tell him you made a mistake and he can talk to whomever he wants as he is an adult.

  • Like 1
staggerlee71 Established Member

staggerlee71

Posted
Posted

It means that he is friends with her. He is ceasing contact with her unwillingly because you are not happy about it but he would like to continue to be friends but not until he can figure out how to respect your wishes as well as maintain a friendship with her.

 

If there was something between them, his text would be very different.

I suggest you find a way to deal with your insecurities. he is choosing you over her, even though he is not sure how to do it.

  • Like 4
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted (edited)

He is allowed by you to have close friends being other girls? Sounds like he likes that he has this one close. But you found out the hard way. It's called jealousy of love but in other words your jealous of him talking to her. So you think he's unhappy with you that you left that part out why? Do you two fight a lot? Do you know his birth sign and what is yours? Would explain why you two fight a lot. He's holding back.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
cocoa342 Established Member

cocoa342

Posted
Posted

Sounds to me that he is telling her he is backing away from the friendship for a while until he figures out how to keep both you and her happy.

I was in a situation like this not long ago. I let him go as I couldn't be with a man that picks his female friends over me.

We're worth more than that. Girl power to us. Big hugs. I am here to chat if you need x

uncorked Member

uncorked

Posted
Posted

Yep, your insecurities will be the death of this relationship, whether now or later. If you want to keep this guy, chill out. He's not an extension of you, nor should he have to give up his friends just to pacify you. What the heck, are you in ninth grade??

act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

I took the text to mean he's going to stop talking to his best friend because of you and your fight and the difficulty you have with this female friend.

 

This is not a good place to be for your boyfriend, that he has to choose, and it's not a good place for the female friend, that her friend is backing off for a girl. It could ruin their relationship. Seriously, what would you do if one of your BFFs completely dumped you for a guy, and then resurfaced when the relationship failed?

 

If a partner is cut off from all their friends to keep peace with their BF/GF, it's not a good sign for the relationship. It's actually a sign of abuse in many cases - cut off the support system. If you don't like the people he hangs with, it's you that needs to walk away. You can't "fix" him. You could work with your SO and friends to build a better understanding, trust, etc., but ultimately, if his choice of friends isn't working for you, maybe the relationship isn't worth pursuing. You are the company you keep.

 

You found out how close they are. I'm wondering if there is animosity about this female friend from even before you knew how close they were.

 

Now, I don't know what you mean by "close." I've read many posts where the "just friends" still cuddle and flirt...that would be a no-go for me. If they were super close like BFFs with no affection and flirting, I would still have a very hard time with it, because it almost feels like an emotional affair, but I think I could learn to work around that with trust of both...maybe. Finding out they once dated/had a relationship would be another major obstacle I'm not sure I could overcome.

 

The thing is, you can't dictate people's friends. It's going to be a losing battle. If the friends aren't good for him or you don't like them, it's not your choice to make, and with this female friend, it's the same thing. This is his bestie and if he finds this relationship with his female friend is stonewalling all of his potential relationships, it's up to him to figure out why, how to change whatever is causing the problem, and how to proceed. Stop the flirting, distance himself, break it off, learn how to garner trust with his new significant other, or waiting until someone comes along that isn't bothered by it. Again, I have no idea if this relationship has any level of inappropriate behavior, and if it does, you should be walking away, not forcing him to choose between you two.

  • Like 2
heavenonearth Established Member

heavenonearth

Posted
Posted

You are being very jealous, I do not think you can keep him if you continue to nag about who he hangs out with. If you forbid him to have a female friend just because she is female, then there is something really wrong with your own self-worth and you need to work that out with yourself.

The poor fella didn't do anything wrong here.

 

Hope you give it some rest and be nice to him.

 

My best friend is male. My BF has met him and they get along great. He understands that my relationship with my best friend is strictly platonic.

Jealousy is the death of every relationship!

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
So, my boyfriend sent this text to a girl he's close to when we got in a fight because I felt deceived about how close they really are.

 

I don't think he is saying he is unhappy with you but he is saying he is unhappy about not being able to speak to her and that he will have to figure it out, which I guess means he needs to find a way to keep both of you happy...

 

How did he deceive you? And how close are they?

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I feel your bf is being really true to you choosing you over a platonic girlfriend( i do feel its platonic).....if i read this message from a guy i was with i would feel so bad for making him feel he had to choose like that and confuse him with my insecurities.......i would tell him not to give up the friendship and explain how i felt and talk to him about the situation there should be a compromise enough to make both of you happy.....

 

he sounds like a keeper.....

 

i have dealt with cheats...they dont send this type of text......i also dont see how he has deceived you....you say they are close but he chose you...if you continue to be jealous and try and control him...he may not choose you next time......talk to him be open and honest with how you feel and work through your issues...with compassion and understanding and in the nature of giving..give a little ...or....lose a lot........deb...

  • Like 1
guest569 Established Member

guest569

Posted
Posted (edited)

How close are they? I would feel pretty upset in your shoes too.

 

I don't think the text indicates that he "chose" OP. He is in some crisis over it and doesn't know what to do and is confiding in his close girl buddy about the relationship when their proximity was the reason for the problem in the first place.

Edited by smiley1
  • Like 4
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
I don't think the text indicates that he "chose" OP. He is in some crisis over it and doesn't know what to do and is confiding in his close girl buddy about the relationship when their proximity was the reason for the problem in the first place.

 

The text clearly states that the OP is upset about the guy's relationship with his female friend & that the guy is going to "disappear" out of the friend's life for a while. He's choosing to no longer spend time with his friend because it upsets the OP.

 

How can you say that is not the guy choosing the OP? I'm not saying the guy made that choice willingly or that he's happy about it, but he did pick his GF.

 

FWIW, I think any new romantic interest who demands that a person abandon all of their old friends is asking for a short term relationship & is being unreasonable. N.B. I am talking about true platonic friends. I am not talking about former lovers who now carry the label "friend"

  • Like 4
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
The text clearly states that the OP is upset about the guy's relationship with his female friend & that the guy is going to "disappear" out of the friend's life for a while. He's choosing to no longer spend time with his friend because it upsets the OP.

 

How can you say that is not the guy choosing the OP? I'm not saying the guy made that choice willingly or that he's happy about it, but he did pick his GF.

 

The problem here is that he may have on the surface "chosen" his gf but he says to his female friend it is only "for a while" till he figures things out, so what sort of a choice is that really?

  • Like 3
SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted
The problem here is that he may have on the surface "chosen" his gf but he says to his female friend it is only "for a while" till he figures things out, so what sort of a choice is that really?

 

He shouldn't have to choose at all.

 

One day he will leave her.

  • Like 2
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
"I got in a weird fight with ***** today. She's really really mad that I talk to you. I'm gonna disappear for a while. ���� I'll figure this **** out. I'm really depressed about this **** but I have to figure it out. I'm sorry. ��"

 

He says I'm twisting what he meant by the text when I feel he was telling her he's unhappy being with me and heart broken he can't be close to her.

 

Where in this text did he say that he's unhappy being with you?

 

I agree with him. You are twisting what he said. He didn't say any of that. Right now, he's unhappy with this mess you started. That will most likely change the more he thinks about this--resentment has a way of being corrosive. Don't be surprised when that spills over into being unhappy with you, but he's not there yet.

 

First off, how "close to her" is he?

 

Does she constantly step out of line with him or is this about him not being allowed any friends you don't approve of?

 

What is her back story in his life and was she his friend before you came on the scene?

 

What I'm reading: He said he got in a weird fight with you, you're really really mad he talks to her; he's going to stop talking to her for a while as he figures out this mess you laid at his feet and that he's depressed that he's got to end a friendship, but for the time being, he's choosing you.

 

That could change very soon for you, though.

 

What you did is enough to plant the seed in his mind of rethinking the wisdom in being with you and the resentment you two have for the situation is going to fertilize that seed. He may come to the conclusion that your relationship is not worth it.

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted

I think way more context is needed before people can really give you accurate assessments.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Kclyno11 New Member

Kclyno11

Posted
  • Author
Posted

So, my boyfriend sent this text to a girl he's close to when we got in a fight because I felt deceived about how close they really are. I never told him he couldn't talk to her. I only was upset cuz he had been lying. The text upset me because I felt he was telling her that he's heart broken he can't talk to her when he told me he barely speaks to her and isn't close to her. He acted like the text was totally fine and I should be HAPPY he sent her that text.

 

"I got in a weird fight with ***** today. She's really really mad that I talk to you. I'm gonna disappear for a while. (Broken heart, sad face emojis) I'll figure this sh*t out. I'm really depressed about this sh*t but I have to figure it out. I'm sorry. (Sad face emoji)"

 

To give a backstory about this girl. This is a girl he had an emotional affair with when he was married to his wife. When I met him she wasn't in his life anymore at all. Not even his fb friend. Then he started to talk to her again without telling me. For years it's been this back and forth thing where I say I'm fine if they're friends but then I catch him lying or not having good boundaries and I start to feel weird about it again. The other part of this is that he's extremely jealous himself. He asks me constantly if I ever talk to any guys and doesn't want me to but he's constantly talking to both her and also his ex wife. He's very close to both these women but wouldn't want me to be close to any guys. He's flat out told me that he would be very upset if I was close to a guy like he is to them. Yet he still wants me to be totally cool about him being close to both these women.

 

The fact that all I got upset about was him downplaying their relationship and he immediately texted her that really upset me because for one, I never got really really mad he talks to her. Only that he lied to me. I never said they couldn't talk. I just wanted full honesty. And I felt trash talked by him to an old flame. I also felt like he was wanting to let her know he's unhappy with me and loved being close to her and will "find a way" to be close to her in "a while". I just feel really deceived by him about her and also about his ex wife. And it also upsets me that he acts like I should be totally cool about him being close to them when he wouldn't be cool if I did the same thing myself.

 

What do you think I should do? I've told him that he should still be close to her but just not lie to me and maybe I'll stop shutting all other guys out of my life and I'll get some guy friends myself and he flipped out because he doesn't want me having any close guy friends. I don't know what to do because him being close to them and not letting me is upsetting yet I know I'm never going to escape this whole situation. I want to just be cool about it and not threatened but I've been so deceived and he's so one sided about it.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Kclyno11 New Member

Kclyno11

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think way more context is needed before people can really give you accurate assessments.

 

I just did another post with more of the story. I was trying to keep it short and simple but it's probably best to put more if I want the right advice. Thanks. :)

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted (edited)

[]

 

Thanks for the context!

This makes everything very clear.

 

He has an inappropriate relationship with these women and he knows it.

I think he is carrying on the emotional affair.

His friend is not platonic.

 

He is super jealous with you because he assumes that you being that close to another would mean you have ill intentions the way that he does.

People who cheat are notoriously jealous for this reason.

 

I think you are tolerating too much.

I would not be comfortable with him being close to another woman like this with his history of cheating and poor boundaries / secret keeping.

If you can't trust someone, you can't really have a relationship with them and he is not doing anything to earn your trust.

Plus the double standard is completely unfair and disrespectful to you.

 

To me, this guy isn't relationship material and I would not continue on.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote
  • Like 4
William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted

Threads merged, please watch the language and continue this dating discussion in this thread only. Thanks!

act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

The thief expects everyone he meets to be stealing.

 

The cheater expects his significant other to be cheating.

 

I suspected there was more going on under the surface than what you presented in the original post. These relationships he has with these women are not appropriate. If they were "just friends," you would be friends with them too.

 

Trash talking is never okay. We are, however, dealing with a fine line because best friends unload their frustrations and complain about their men/women/boss/job, etc., and this is normal and constructive, but outright trash-talking is bad news, and his "friends" aren't supporting and giving advice, but they are wallowing in the vitriol...at least this is how it seems to me.

 

It's time to let this go. He has his priorities. He'll deal with this situation repeatedly with other women until he figures out he needs to cut the strings of the exes or reconcile with either of them...if they'll have him...there's a reason neither of these women are keeping him on board as a permanent fixture, but they seem to enjoy keeping him orbiting and actively partake in his self-sabotage.

 

These two women he is bound to likely have other men in their lives...and even if you have a platonic man in your life or just have a friendly conversation with a coworker, you know where his head is going...you are not allowed while these women he is attached to seek and have other men...can you see the mind-f*** he's going through? Not that you need to continue to be a part of it, but consider, briefly, his messy life...and walk away from it.

 

Move on. Their relationship has been a source of conflict all along, and there has been a high level of deception and secrecy, and that along is a red flag. You're not going to change him or the relationships. He has to find the relationships unhealthy all on his own, and that it chases away potential relationships, and only then will he actively change. You're one of the "experiments."

 

You're the one that has to cut the strings and walk away. There is a man out there for you whose heart is fully devoted...you'll have to go through some frogs first.

  • Like 1
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
So, my boyfriend sent this text to a girl he's close to when we got in a fight because I felt deceived about how close they really are.

 

"I got in a weird fight with ***** today. She's really really mad that I talk to you. I'm gonna disappear for a while. ���� I'll figure this **** out. I'm really depressed about this **** but I have to figure it out. I'm sorry. ��"

 

He says I'm twisting what he meant by the text when I feel he was telling her he's unhappy being with me and heart broken he can't be close to her. What do you think the text means? What message was he trying to send his friend? Am I over reacting like he thinks? Thanks for the advice.

 

Agree he didn't say he was unhappy being with you. In fact, he is doing exactly what you essentially want by telling her he can't talk to her because it upsets you. He doesn't like that he is torn or has a controlling, jealous gf and that is what is making him depressed. You are twisting the text because you are consumed by your jealousy. I'm not even sure how you saw it. Stop snooping and be a good gf. You are overreacting and destroying what you have. It's not comfortable if a bf has good close girlfriends sometimes but YOU also need to find a way to manage yourself so you don't destroy a potentially good relationship. Idk if he is overstepping with his behavior prior but his solution seems pretty fair. What about yours?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...