andreap Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 My girlfriend is extremely angry at me. She is very social so she wants to go every single event she is invited. I am more of an introvert. I go to please her, but I could care less about certain events. I just like to go to events where I actually like the people that are inviting me. Yesterday, after a long time in our relationship, I told her I decided I was not going to go to every single event with her. Obviously, I would go to parties because I do not like her being out at night alone without me taking care of her. However, certain gatherings that are more personal I would skip them. I am tired of hanging out with people that I just dont have anything in common. I would rather have a small get together and have a deep conversation than just hang out with a group of loud mouths. This made her go berserk and she got really mad at me. Obviously, told me things that I think where uncalled for. My question is, am I right to skip certain gatherings or should I accompany her always?
Gaeta Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Omg! if my bf had to follow me to every event I go to he'd turn insane. Of course not you don't have to follow her everywhere! It's even healthy that you don't follow each other like puppies. Hold on to your decision, she'll get over it. What you requested is absolutely normal. 4
lana-banana Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Fellow introvert paired with an extrovert here. You are in the right. Try explaining that however restless or annoyed she feels having to stay in is how you feel. Describe your emotions (stress, frustration, anxiety) about going out too often and talk about all the good it does you to have time alone. If she can't understand or respect that you have larger problems. This was a source of minor friction at one point but we got past it by compromise: - I can refuse to attend any event, but I will try to go out with him at least 75% of the time; - But I determine what time we go home; - He can go out by himself whenever he feels like it; - Nobody gets to guilt the other person for their choices. This has worked extremely well for us. I still get my introvert time and I have also put more effort into sometimes being social, and made new friends. 2
basil67 Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 I used to attend all events with my husband, but it drove me nutty. Especially as he tends to walk in the door and barely speak to me for the rest of the event. That's fine with people I know, but I now know better than to attend reunions of old friends or events with people who we rarely see. I now only attend events where I know a similar amount of people to him. Also, don't be too worried about being with her at night to take care of her. I'm sure she's quite capable of taking care of herself. And if she's not capable of taking care of herself, that's a red flag in itself. 2
heavenonearth Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 You are two separate people with two separate lives. keep your independence, it is important! You go, when you want to go, or when you feel it would be appropriate. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Extrovert wife here. My introvert husband comes to what interests him & skips the rest. he has come out of his shell a bit but if we had to live our lives according to what the other wants to do all the time, we'd both go nuts. Your GF isn't taking your needs into account when she rants at you. As long as you are not telling her that she can't go to something simply because you have no desire to attend, then all should be good. 2
No_Go Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Hell no! I'm a big introvert myself and if I had a bf asking me to accompany him all the time to events I'd slowly die from inside. Social gatherings, parties etc make my skin crawl - I have a crowd aversion (basically can handle being in groups but utterly hate it). I enjoyed dating extroverts in the past but no way I'd match their speed... My girlfriend is extremely angry at me. She is very social so she wants to go every single event she is invited. I am more of an introvert. I go to please her, but I could care less about certain events. I just like to go to events where I actually like the people that are inviting me. Yesterday, after a long time in our relationship, I told her I decided I was not going to go to every single event with her. Obviously, I would go to parties because I do not like her being out at night alone without me taking care of her. However, certain gatherings that are more personal I would skip them. I am tired of hanging out with people that I just dont have anything in common. I would rather have a small get together and have a deep conversation than just hang out with a group of loud mouths. This made her go berserk and she got really mad at me. Obviously, told me things that I think where uncalled for. My question is, am I right to skip certain gatherings or should I accompany her always?
Tribble Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Of course you don't need to attend every event. It's healthy for couples to have their own lives at times. I get annoyed at friends who bring their other halves to EVERYTHING, invited or not. Sometimes you just need friend time. However, why was she angry? What were her arguments? And how did you phrase this? Did you tell her the people she hangs out with are loud mouths and you essentially don't like them? Did you tell her you would go to parties to keep an eye on her? That would get my back up too. Not wanting to go to all social gatherings with your gf is fine but does this point to larger issues at play? 1
Art_Critic Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Hopefully with her being angry over your decision she won't make you pay for it... My wife and I aren't joined at the hip all the time either, there are times we go together and times one of us doesn't go with the other.
kendahke Posted September 29, 2017 Posted September 29, 2017 Yes. You don't have to be at every gathering, especially if you're not comfortable being there. You aren't her girlfriend. Going with her when she goes out is one thing: sitting around listening to her friends talk around you about things you aren't interested in is a waste of time. I think what is more telling is her reaction to this very reasonable compromise.
preraph Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 What you can't do is get mad if she goes wherever she wants without you. Don't pout or give her trouble about it. As long as you are not preventing her from going and go with her sometimes, that should be enough. if it's not, you are not compatible.
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