Moving on

[Opeth2017]

Hey everyone,

 

 

I just signed up to this site today to maybe help a few people out in regards to moving on after a break up, whether you did the breaking up or they did.

 

 

I'm only 26, but I've been through the ringer a few times. I was broke up with twice, the one time was terribly brutal as she just disappeared out of nowhere - the other was more civil and I had closure.

 

 

I also broke up with two others, the one I tortured myself for other over with regret and took forever to move on. The other, I did just yesterday and feel so entirely different in a positive way.

 

 

With my most recent, we had the craziest and most amazing first 6 months together. By far the best 6 months of my life. It was a crazy roller coaster of highs and even higher highs. I couldn't believe how amazing my life was. The one day, things happened in her life, and it affected us and especially me.

 

 

I found myself being unhappy for the most part for the last 3 months because she took all her anger and unhappiness on me. In the last 3 months, I probably "ended things" once every two weeks. Every time I had enough, she would smoothe talk me into how things would get better, and I let the Beta me get the best of me.

 

 

I think inside us all, we have alpha and beta moments. My alpha side would come out and say I've had enough, the only way I can be happy is if I end things. Then the beta me would come out when she would remind me of our good times. I would fall into the idea that if I just wait it out, those good times and good feelings will come back.

 

 

I did this to myself numerous times until yesterday I had alpha me come out and say this is actually the end of the line, and alpha me stood my ground.

 

 

The best steps to take when it is over, is accept it truly is over. No matter who ends things, you need to accept it.

 

 

I took the day to myself to dig deep inside myself and remind myself of all the positive things of myself, and eventually the right person will come around who will stick by your side no matter what gets thrown their way.

 

 

I accepted the fact that it was not my fault she got fired from her job and had bad things happen. A good partner would keep me by their side until things got better.

 

 

I decided yesterday out of all my breakups I immediately needed to move on and cut her out entirely with no chance of her ever reaching out.

 

 

I did make one mistake - while going to her facebook to block her, I looked at her page and saw her plans for the weekend. This immediately made me think of what she may be doing or with whom, however, this is not my concern any longer. It doesn't matter how she feels anymore or if she regrets her actions towards me or hopes to reach out to me one day and apologize, I just have to force myself to believe and truly understand it doesn't matter even if she wants to. Shes essentially dead. The good times were good and now they are over and never coming back.

 

 

With her having absolutely no way of reaching out to me, I don't even have the inkling or worry of her contacting me in any shape and form - and it feels good. I'll never hear my phone go off and think its her - because there is no way it could be her.

 

 

The inkling of hope is what keeps us attached is what I found. The old me would have left her a way to reach out in case she did realize what she had done and lost. The new me realized - I truly don't care if she realized what she lost - because it is truly over.

 

 

She could write me a novel about how I was the greatest thing ever and how I should come back, but its over and it doesn't matter to me. Shes dead. And even if she did write me a novel, I would never receive it which is reassuring.

 

 

I think the biggest thing to remember and realize is once something ends, it needs to stay that way. You can never go back, because it would never be the same anyhow. There's a difference between having an argument and going a few days without talking and legitimately ending a relationship with someone.

 

 

If you are broken up, realize there was something that just wasn't right anymore. It doesn't really matter what the reason was, its time to move on. If they give you a reason why, sure, take it as constructive criticism and keep it in mind for the NEXT relationship you enter. Don't spend time trying to prove to the person you have fixed that fault with yourself to try and win them back. That is only giving yourself false hope that they will come back.

 

 

Everyday you spend waiting for that text, everyday you spend playing a game to try and make them jealous to come back, is a day wasted you could have spent moving on. The sooner you give up that hope and accept it is as good memories, the sooner you will have moved on truly and can meet someone new, and hopefully that one will work out.

 

 

That is my advice to you all - as yes today I am sad about it coming to an end, but I am also excited about the fact that I am not sitting beside my phone hoping she comes to me apologizing. I've just accepted its over and am moving on.

 

 

Good luck everyone!