Happines95 Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 I ran into my ex-girlfriend two weeks ago after not talking to each other for a year. Things went pretty okay so we decided to catch up one day and then this conversation happened. Ex-girlfriend Hey, It was nice catching up with you too. If you want to do so, we can meet up for a coffee or something once after a class or whatever, but I dont know in all honesty when I will have the time to do so haha. I work so much now a days and I will be gone quite a bit from the city. But I am sure we can sort something out . We can arrange something sometime soon. Me Hey, Yeah that sounds good. I'm quite busy myself with anything but school haha But now that we are studying at the same faculty I am assuming that you maybe have classes at the centre? I have class at the centre on Monday from 13 til 15 but I don't know about you? So maybe we could meet there one day and go for a drink or something? Ex-girlfriend Hey again, I won’t be able to meet up with you tomorrow, I will be busy all day with schoolwork. I just want to clarify that when you suggest that we should go for a drink together it makes me a bit uncertain what you believe that our meeting will mean. I really hope you are not under the impression that this would be a date or any form of romantic reunion. I know you made it clear that you have changed a lot over the past year and that is good to hear, but I have also changed and kept moving on - and I am not interested in restarting what once was. It might also be for the best that I tell you at once that I am in a happy relationship. The reason I thought it could be nice to meet you once is because I don’t want to have hostility between me and other people, but I think we should only meet up if that idea is mutual. Of course I might have over analysed your previous message, but I didn’t want to risk us meeting up with different expectations. Me Hey, I reread my mail and I honestly don't understand where I should have given you the idea that I want to meet with you to get back together. Believe me, I don't want to get back together. We have been in a relationship in the past but it didn't work out and that's it. It's been a year and I moved on a while ago and changed myself for the better. You don't have to worry that I still have feelings for you haha When I talked to you a 1,5 weeks ago I didn't feel anything. It was like talking to an old friend, nothing more nothing less. I'm happy to hear that you are in a relationship. I have been seeing someone myself since last month so you don't have to worry about me trying to get you back into my life. I only want to meet with you, only once, to see how you are doing and because of the way things ended between us and how things went the last time we met a year ago. Like if you don't want to meet with me because you are in a relationship now or because your boyfriend doesn't want it then I am fine with that, no hard feelings, I don't want to cause any trouble in your relationship. But if you still want to meet after this explanation, you know how to reach me.
PegNosePete Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Okay. So what is your question? Just wanting some general commentary? If you want to do so, we can meet up for a coffee or something once after a class or whatever, but I dont know in all honesty when I will have the time to do so haha. I work so much now a days and I will be gone quite a bit from the city. I think what she's saying here is that she is open to the idea of meeting up but she doesn't actually want to go through with it. She is preemptively making excuses and emphasising how busy she is. Also she says "if you want to" which doesn't necessarily mean she wants to. If she actually wanted to meet then she would have at least given you an idea when she is free. She just wanted to know that you don't hate her. She has got that confirmation now, so there's no reason for her to want to meet up. I suspect if you press the issue of a meeting, she will either make excuses (being busy has already been set up as the default excuse), or she will agree but cancel at short notice, or agree and simply stand you up (and give you a lame excuse). If I were you I'd just let this go. She is part of your past. Look to the future instead. 2
Author Happines95 Posted September 28, 2017 Author Posted September 28, 2017 Okay. So what is your question? Just wanting some general commentary? I think what she's saying here is that she is open to the idea of meeting up but she doesn't actually want to go through with it. She is preemptively making excuses and emphasising how busy she is. Also she says "if you want to" which doesn't necessarily mean she wants to. If she actually wanted to meet then she would have at least given you an idea when she is free. She just wanted to know that you don't hate her. She has got that confirmation now, so there's no reason for her to want to meet up. I suspect if you press the issue of a meeting, she will either make excuses (being busy has already been set up as the default excuse), or she will agree but cancel at short notice, or agree and simply stand you up (and give you a lame excuse). If I were you I'd just let this go. She is part of your past. Look to the future instead. True. But I still don't get where she gets the idea that I would want to meet with her because I would like to get back together?
kortz Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 True. But I still don't get where she gets the idea that I would want to meet with her because I would like to get back together? Without knowing how things ended between you both or how the previous conversations were...she was a bit presumptuous there but at the same time she at least established some clear boundaries from the get go, although could have worded it better. Either way who cares why or where she got that idea from and as PegNosePete said she sounds like she's already making excuses and doesn't seem that keen. You've nothing to gain from meeting her I'd agree and say let this one go and forget about it.
PegNosePete Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 True. But I still don't get where she gets the idea that I would want to meet with her because I would like to get back together? Because her ego is the size of Jupiter. She finds it inconceivable that you, or any guy, would want to meet her but NOT want to date her. 3
lolablue17 Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) Many girls (too many that I know) has the urge to paint a reality, and in this reality they are surrounded by guys who want them, but "unfortunatelly" they must reject these guys. When she bumped into you, you were the perfect candidate for this role. She first tried to make you be interested to meet her, and then sent you this BS message with the "When you say 'let's go for drink', you may mean a date, so I'm rejecting you and declaring that I don't want to date you." It's not an innocent missunderstanding. It's a selfish act with the clear intention to hurt you, in order to boost her own ego. You know what I hate the most? When you make a move towards a girl, you get the 50\50 chance. You can be rejected, or win the prize. You risk something for the chance to win something. But when a girl is rejecting you without you trying to hit on her, you get the fully 100% rejection, but without the chance to win anything, because you didn't even want to. That's ugly. So many girls\ex's have done that to me, and as I got older and experienced, I learned how to dodge that. If I were you I would have answered "You're the only one between us, who had this idea of the term "date" in your mind. So as I don't want you to get hurt, I prefer that we don't meet". And then blocking this selfish b**** for good. Edited September 28, 2017 by lolablue17 2
SevenCity Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Many girls (too many that I know) has the urge to paint a reality, and in this reality they are surrounded by guys who want them, but "unfortunatelly" they must reject these guys. When she bumped into you, you were the perfect candidate for this role. She first tried to make you be interested to meet her, and then sent you this BS message with the "When you say 'let's go for drink', you may mean a date, so I'm rejecting you and declaring that I don't want to date you." It's not an innocent missunderstanding. It's a selfish act with the clear intention to hurt you, in order to boost her own ego. You know what I hate the most? When you make a move towards a girl, you get the 50\50 chance. You can be rejected, or win the prize. You risk something for the chance to win something. But when a girl is rejecting you without you trying to hit on her, you get the fully 100% rejection, but without the chance to win anything, because you didn't even want to. That's ugly. So many girls\ex's have done that to me, and as I got older and experienced, I learned how to dodge that. If I were you I would have answered "You're the only one between us, who had this idea of the term "date" in your mind. So as I don't want you to get hurt, I prefer that we don't meet". And then blocking this selfish b**** for good. Omg this is like the best post and advice ever! Lola is 100% correct. She needed an ego boost. I think you handled it well and she has tarnished what could have been a good memory. Who broke off the RL? How did it end? It's exactly because of exchanges like this that you are better leaving the past in the past.
Been Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 I agree with the posters above- she just wanted confirmation that you didn't hate her. Don't waste your time. If she was in a "great" relationship" s wouldn't even want to meet an ex boyfriend. Pretty sure he has no idea about this.
Author Happines95 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 Omg this is like the best post and advice ever! Lola is 100% correct. She needed an ego boost. I think you handled it well and she has tarnished what could have been a good memory. Who broke off the RL? How did it end? It's exactly because of exchanges like this that you are better leaving the past in the past. She ended the relationship because she wasn't in love with me anymore and had to think about herself. The last time we spoke to each other was October 2016, until we ran into each other two weeks ago. I did get a mail from her in July to see how I was doing. I replied to it but I never got an answer back. When we met three weeks ago she told me that she forgot to reply to it and that she thought about that mail just the other day... right hahaha. When we were dating I was kinda an introvert guy but since we broke up I am quite the opposite. So when we ran into each other I had the feeling she didn't really know how to react to the 'new' me.
Author Happines95 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 Did she ever reply to your last message? I sent it on Monday, she read it but she hasn't replied yet. And I'm not expecting that she ever will.
SevenCity Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Isn't it funny how they reach out then never reply? My ex did that as well. It's a sure fire sign they were just looking for ego and power. They are only thinking of themselves and once they get the ego boost they have no need to respond. I would never do that to someone just out of common curtesy. I think it says something about what type of person they are. The mouth of ape (YouTube) spoke of this in one of his videos. He says that when exes reach out it gives the receiver power. Once you reply you are giving the power back to them. He says it's not necessarily malicious, but people do it when they are struggling with a breakup (even if they initiated) and getting the power back helps them cope. I wish I had watched it before as you end up feeling like a fool when you take the bait (especially when you want another chance). It's tough though because you never know if they are trying to open up a chance. I realized they usually are not. Best option is to never reply to her if she does respond. Hold onto the power and let her eat indifference.
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