SpecialJ Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 This is kind of a cautionary tale rant... I dated a guy briefly over the summer who was great to me, at the time. Lots of chemistry, really fun dates, it was a joy to spend time with him. For a little while. Not even a month went by, however, and he fell apart. I handled it pretty well. He said he wasn't ready yet and asked to be friends. At first, I said no, as I had feelings. But over the next few weeks, I changed my mind. I didn't tell him the real reason why, but it was because he showed me a different side of himself with and after ending things that made me decide we're relationship-incompatible. So, the dating was short, the feelings will fade, but I cared and had fun with him, so friends. Plus, he was always very communicative. Which means I thought he meant it, and that he'd put in some effort. I've been able to become real friends with actual exes in the past, but both people have to want it and be committed to getting through the shaky beginnings. Sometimes, there is some drama and there need to be a couple conversations to manage expectations. Since I agreed to try, he's been hot and cold, inconsiderate, dismissive, made me think I'm being emotional and crazy, and made me jump through hoops to hang out a couple times. I can't even believe how he's become the opposite of the person I was getting to know. I don't know if he's just trying to be a jerk to make sure I know we're no longer dating, or this is just who he really is, but I definitely feel like less than a friend and don't accept behavior like this from my other friends. The most annoying part is I suspect he's definitely starting to spin the narrative about me to be I'm the crazy ex because I'm actually trying to be friends and who puts in that effort unless they still want you. So I think the point is, unless you have known each other for a long time and ended amicably, just go no contact... especially if the person isn't mature. He's driving me crazy and causing drama and we're not even dating, and I already regret trying to stay friends after just a matter of weeks. He was doing me a favor when he ended things, and I should have just left it there and taken comfort in his mindset of me being the one who got away due to bad timing. I can't imagine he thinks that anymore, so any chance of him coming back is gone (which, again, is okay since we're incompatible right now). I finally laid out that this isn't working for me, and what the main thing we'd have to resolve to stop the drama is, and I doubt I'll hear back. My other friends don't even think I should have given him that courtesy and that I should just ghost on him. That's not me, but it would have saved me some grief. Lesson learned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OptimismHopeTrust Posted September 30, 2017 Share Posted September 30, 2017 You tried....you thought you should...and you did. That's ok. As you said, you didn't know him that long and it would have been hard to foresee that he was not the person he first appeared to be. But there is a wise saying, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Sounds like this person can only detract, not add. Friendships are meant to rejuvenate our spirits and feed our souls. Sounds like this one will just empty you. I wish you the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SpecialJ Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Yes, I absolutely took this as who he "really" is, and we haven't spoken since. I cut him out completely, and I'm happier for it. His increasingly unpredictable and mean behavior was causing me to respond by feeling anxiety, and who needs that from such a lousy "friend." On the bright side, I also have no doubts now that us not working out is for the very best and will never feel a need to look back! Link to post Share on other sites
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