Transgender curious?

[Ipsy]

I have been dating my bf for 2 years and he has never mentioned being interested in transgender or cross dressing at all.

When we first met, I googled his name (just the see what came up).

I found a photo site with a bunch of cross dressing men.

I asked him about it and he denied it and said it was sick and that someone else must be using a similar name.

That was fine, I forgot about it and believed him.

That was nearly two years ago.

This past week I looked on his YouTube channel, out of boredom more so than anything as I haven't looked at any of his sites in a long time.

It showed that he was subscribed to a transgender, cross dressing man channel.

I asked him about it and he freaked.

He said he doesn't know how it happened and that someone must have hacked him or that he accidentally clicked on a page he didn't mean to.

Could it just be a bad coincidence? Maybe he did click on something by mistake?

I find it odd that it was the same subject and his name attached to it, twice.

Add into it his reaction.

What do you all think? Is he lying to me?

[d0nnivain]

Does he have a common name? Did you see pictures? Were they of him?

 

 

You probably need to talk calmly about it but you may be in for a wild ride if he still in denial.

[Ipsy]

The pictures weren't of him, they were of many other males dressed up as women.

And he had subscribed to a cross dressing man channel on YouTube and again, it was videos of other men all dressed up as women.

Maybe he's into that and is ashamed of it?

[d0nnivain]

Subscribing to a YouTube channel isn't proof of much. I have read the casual encounters section of craigslist. Doesn't mean I want to boink some random guy or that my marriage is in trouble; I just thought the posts were funny.

[Ipsy]

I guess, but how many grown men who say they are completely straight and not into that sort of thing subscribes to a transgender channel and was also found on a photo site with heaps of photos of men dressed like women?

 

I could understand a mistake the first time, but twice?

[Ipsy]

Anyone else with an opinion?

[elaine567]

I guess, but how many grown men who say they are completely straight and not into that sort of thing subscribes to a transgender channel and was also found on a photo site with heaps of photos of men dressed like women?

 

I could understand a mistake the first time, but twice?

 

YOU are correct, it is a bit of a coincidence.

But many men are straight and are cross dressers too, they are not necessarily trans-gender, so it may not mean he is gay or bi.

 

What sort of channel was it? Was it more of a makeover tips and tricks kind of a channel or more of a documentary thing or a help and support channel or was it an "ogling" kind of a channel...

[knabe]

Unless his name is John Smith....yeah, he's lying, and he's ashamed of it.

 

How do you feel about it - not the lying, but the subject itself.

[smackie9]

Given his reaction, he doesn't want you to know or anyone else, so let him have his privacy respectfully.

 

When he is ready he will come forward with the truth.....

Edited September 28, 2017 by smackie9

[olivetree]

He is totally lying.

[EthanSPK]

Lier lier, pants on fire!

[Miss Spider]

he lyin'....

[RecentChange]

First, transgender and cross dressing are different things.

 

Transgender is wanting to change genders....

 

Cross dressing is liking lady's clothes - and is actually much more common than most people would guess. It's a fairly prevalent kink. But it is one not accepted by society as a whole - so it's usually kept deep in the closet (pardon the pun). It also doesn't mean he is gay...

 

Women dress in men's clothing and Americans shrug, a man in woman's clothing tends to freak people out.

 

I will say it doesn't mean he is gay, nor desires to be transgendered if he is indeed interested in cross dressing.

 

Being as there are huge stigmas about it, is it at all surprising that he would try to hide this interest? He is probably very ashamed and embarrassed by this.

 

My recommendation, decide if this is something that really bother you or not. I highly doubt he will open up to you at all about it unless you are truly accepting of him, and open minded about it.

 

If it's something you can drop, and not worry about - then do. If you can't, I think you will have to decide if his curiosity into cross dressing is a deal breaker.

 

I wouldn't count on any "confessions" unless you make him feel absolutely safe, secure and loved enough to do so.

Edited September 28, 2017 by RecentChange

[heavenonearth]

I once was dating a guy who was into cross dressing, but he was also interested in sexual encounters with transgender women (m2f), anyway, at the time I was very young and insecure and made a huge deal out of it when I found out. Everyone is finding themselves, some at an early age, others later in life. But I saw it as a betray of trust at the time. he was not open with me, but i didn't really give him a chance to be open with me about it either, so I played a part in it...

 

Cross dressing itself is pretty much a tabu subject in America, I'd say, and having lived there, I think it makes sense your boyfriend would be ashamed of it if you were to find out. Depends on your reaction though. You can sensibly talk to him about it and try to make him understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of. But that would mean you'd be okay with it as a prerequisite.

 

When I think of my ex, I now would actually just say he's a genderqueer pansexual, he always crossed gender binaries and he's interested in sleeping with women, men and transgender people. There is nothing wrong with it, but I was not ready to embrace that at the time (it was 7 years ago).

 

Anyway, i think, you really need to talk to him for your own peace of mind. Don't expect the 'worst', I would assume it is simply a kink he has, that he is not ready to share with the world - maybe not because he fears your reaction per se, but because he fears the reaction of the rest of his circle of friends and family.

[Ipsy]

I too agree that this is not a coincidence and he does have this kink.

His reaction was so strong that it only cemented this in my mind.

He was going on how it was grotesque and disgusting and so on.

People don't normally have that strong of a reaction unless they are feeling ashamed.

Thank you to the person who explained the difference between transgender and cross dressing.

By the way, this channel he was on, was more for 'oggling' other men who were dressed up as women and trying to be sexy,etc.

I did tell him that I was surprised by it but that I didn't find it bad or wrong, it just wasn't something I expected and I didn't understand it.

I don't want him to feel shamed either but at this point he is vehemently denying it so badly that it's more than obvious that it's not something he is willing to discuss or admit at this stage.

He and I were having problems already, so it's not looking good for us, unfortunately.

[Miss Spider]

I don't know if it would bother me that much. Especially if he let me do his hair and put make up on him. I'd be down:laugh:

[No_Go]

I don't know if it would bother me that much. Especially if he let me do his hair and put make up on him. I'd be down:laugh:

 

One of of my roommates in NL had a guy friend that will come over just to wear her high heels :lmao: I later was shocked to discover they're dating - I was so sure he's gay.

[Ipsy]

So much more to this situation then you all know.

The thing that bothers me the most, is the lying.

No one wants a partner whom they cannot trust and lies and he has lied on more than one occasion and not just about this subject.

That's the bottom line.

[elaine567]

So much more to this situation then you all know.

The thing that bothers me the most, is the lying.

No one wants a partner whom they cannot trust and lies and he has lied on more than one occasion and not just about this subject.

That's the bottom line.

Lying is not a trait you want to see in a long term partner.

If he is lying to you a lot, then you need to reassess your whole relationship.

Without trust you really have nothing.

[Ipsy]

Don't get me wrong, I know that admitting something like this is not easy and it's difficult for many to talk about it,but lying is not good either.

He has gone out of his way to lie and although I do understand to some degree, it still causes a rift between us and shows me how he obviously does not trust me enough to share who he is with me.

It just breaks things down more and more.

[smackie9]

He's scared.....like really scared. Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and have some empathy. It's still a tough subject, and I say drop it for now....give him time to sort this out. You are not making this easy on him with your attitude. If you show encouragement, and sensitivity, it will put him at ease.

[Michelle ma Belle]

First, transgender and cross dressing are different things.

 

Transgender is wanting to change genders....

 

Cross dressing is liking lady's clothes - and is actually much more common than most people would guess. It's a fairly prevalent kink. But it is one not accepted by society as a whole - so it's usually kept deep in the closet (pardon the pun). It also doesn't mean he is gay...

 

Women dress in men's clothing and Americans shrug, a man in woman's clothing tends to freak people out.

 

I will say it doesn't mean he is gay, nor desires to be transgendered if he is indeed interested in cross dressing.

 

Being as there are huge stigmas about it, is it at all surprising that he would try to hide this interest? He is probably very ashamed and embarrassed by this.

 

My recommendation, decide if this is something that really bother you or not. I highly doubt he will open up to you at all about it unless you are truly accepting of him, and open minded about it.

 

If it's something you can drop, and not worry about - then do. If you can't, I think you will have to decide if his curiosity into cross dressing is a deal breaker.

 

I wouldn't count on any "confessions" unless you make him feel absolutely safe, secure and loved enough to do so.

 

Abso-f*cking-lutely!

[knabe]

Don't get me wrong, I know that admitting something like this is not easy and it's difficult for many to talk about it,but lying is not good either.

He has gone out of his way to lie and although I do understand to some degree, it still causes a rift between us and shows me how he obviously does not trust me enough to share who he is with me.

It just breaks things down more and more.

 

I'm going against the PC grain here.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with you being uncomfortable with this. Nothing.

 

We all have our feelings and we all have our comfort levels. How is it okay to not be comfortable with a fat girl or not be comfortable with a shorter man, but somehow you are "racist" or "bad" or "lacking empathy" because you are not comfortable with a man who looks at cross dressing porn and lies about it?

 

Your feelings are your feeling. We seem to think these days that anything less than celebratory agreement with EVERYTHING is mean and prejudice. New flash: it isn't.

 

I would talk with him about what you found and lovingly ask him if this is something that appeals to him. Without accusation or focus on the lying.

 

And if it's too much for you, it's too much.

 

Either lying is wrong or it;s not. You don't get to condemn lying in some cases but excuse it if it's about being afraid over the latest "tolerance" issue.

[Ipsy]

Thank you, Knabe, I really appreciate that.

I am not a mean person but it has confused me and yes, upset me.

I can't help it.

This came out of left field for me and not once did I have any inkling that he had these interests and I don't know much, if anything at all, about any of it.

 

And I don't know how deep it goes, as in...Is he attracted to other males too?, Has he slept with other males? Does he want to?Does he want to dress as a woman?Does it turn him on?

My brain is confused and doesn't know what to think or feel, I have even felt scared.

Call it ignorant or not informed or what have you, but I never connected my bf with this kind of stuff and it's not been an easy go on my brain.

[joseb]

Just to completly rule out the possibility that he isn't into this...

 

When you say you googled his name, did you see images of him in cross dressing clothes? Or just random guys?

 

The you tube one is more suspicious. Was he definitely subscribed to the channel on his you tube account?

 

Normally id assume, based on what you have said, that yes he is lying.

 

But a weird thing happened to me recently, I got an email with login details to a transgender site, making it look as if I signed up (I didn't!) so someone else either used my email address accidentally (this happens a bit, I've gotten all kinds of misdirected email over the years) or someone is trying to have a laugh.

 

Luckily I don't have a gf that looks at my emails or it could have been very unfortunate.