Silence after two dates.

[jimbo]

Met this girl (38) online. First two dates went pretty well, she was kissing and grabbing me, and I thought there was real attraction and chemistry for both of us. We discussed about setting up a date for last weekend at my place and I will cook a meal for us, and she'd make desert (she's a pastry chef). She agreed and she seemed to be excited. She texted me on Sunday and said I wanted to do something with you next weekend. I was a bit confused, but I said sure, we can arrange something. During the week we texted a bit, and on Friday I texted her to confirm for Saturday. She texted back that she has to work. I said, oh, ok. Not a problem. Another time then. She offered Sunday, but I already had plans. She said okay. I scheduled plans with my friends instead on Saturday and we went to Six Flags and I left my phone in the car. She texted me during the time I was at Six Flags and said I know it's kinda late, but it turns out I do not have work today, so if you are up for something, let me know.

 

I replied back a few hours later, again didn't have my phone on me, and said it's a bit late for today, but let's shoot for next week. When I tried to confirm yesterday (Friday) for today on our plans, you cancelled because you said you had work. It's no big deal and alls good. She said, we never had plans, and I dodged her on Sunday? I just said, we discussed this in detail on Saturday, but no problem. It was a miscommunication via text. She then said, like you said, no big deal. I offered next weekend again, she replied back with okay.

 

To ensure there was no miscommunication again, I called her yesterday and to my surprise, it went to VM. I left a message saying just seeing what's going on and call me back. Since then, silence. Via text, she usually replies within a few minutes. I am a bit dumbfounded on this. My friends tell me just let it go. If I follow up it looks like neediness and desperation. Another one said, she's ***** testing you. Don't play that game. Just let the chips fall where they may be. The later was from a female.

 

Truly a shame as I thought we had real chemistry. I guess I was mistaken. If I am missing something, please chime in.

[d0nnivain]

maybe she didn't play her VM. I don't always. Try one more text with concrete plans. Do not rehash all the back & forth scheduling issues. Just say hey, wanna grab a drink or something on Wednesday (or whenever) If you don't hear back after that stop trying.

[Mike B.]

Just a few things:

 

I have found that you really can't bank on chemistry, great dates, etc,. until you have had several dates. I think at least about 10-12 are good numbers before you can feel fairly comfortable that things can progress. If you are under those numbers, anything can happen suddenly and without notice. You can still expect ghosting and abrupt exits with less than 10 dates. Sex can modify this number a bit and make it less likely to happen but it still can happen.

 

Never get into a back and forth when it comes to the dates, being late for the dates, etc,. People get defensive and no one wins. You then create an atmosphere of awkwardness that will prevent your date from feeling comfortable around you and then you two will be so tense on the date and detect the tension from each other and no one will have fun.

 

You want to be seen as fun! You want her to associate your voice and your face with positive feelings, not awkwardness. My advise is to absolutely maintain this at a high level at least until she is exclusive with you.

 

Just as your friend said, consider the possibility that you could in the middle of one of her tests. Personally, I have learned to never leave voice messages. Matter of fact, I haven't left a woman a voice mail in at least 6 years. I don't even have my VM set up and it has not been setup for 5 years.

 

Voicemail places you in a compromised position. You seem to shovel a lot of power over to someone after leaving a VM. This tend to be more anxiety-inducing compared to text since the voice is much more personal than letters. How is that VM lingering unanswered makes you feel right now?

 

If she doesn't answer back, then it is very awkward even if or when she finally decides to respond. Everyone has caller ID. She knows that you called. So she has your VM, I think it is up to her to return it. Again, as your friend stated, let the chips fall where they may.

 

In the meantime, you got to get more dates lined up. After only two dates, I wouldn't be completely and solely banking on this one, especially the way it is going.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Mike B.

[The Urbanyst]

When a woman really likes you.. things are never this difficult or confusing.

 

Take a hint. She isn't that interested.

 

Don't be desperate and move on. Also, it helps to date multiple women until you find one that is truly into you. People are very flaky and unreliable these days.. so I try not to date just one woman at a time.

[mortensorchid]

She doesn't sound too interested in seeing you. I have a busy life, I was going to make time to see someone I would make the time. She isn't making much time for you.

 

I say move on. Don't analyze it, it's what it is.

[act00]

Are all your texts and conversations so vague and confusing? I'm so lost on the timeline. Did you text, "Sorry, too late," or did you text, "Sorry I missed your text. I left my phone in the car. I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, and text me back when you're up."

 

I mean, your description sounds like you're rather flippant, and with that low level of enthusiasm, it doesn't surprise me she has backed off...why bother pursuing someone who comes across as barely interested?

 

I'm confused as to how SHE, and you, were completely clueless about her work schedule. Unless she got called in to cover a shift last minute, this should have been known, and no date would have been planned. If she needs the money and hours or just wants to help out her coworkers and employer, she could have stated something like, "Hey, one of my coworkers needs the night off, and I'm going to go in and cover. Sorry. Can we reschedule for <day>?" Not that you would necessarily believe her excuse, but let's take this at face value until there is a reason to suspect otherwise.

 

I have worked a couple jobs where schedules were less than forthcoming to the point you had no idea if you were scheduled tomorrow, and even in that situation, the "up in the air" situation would have been discussed...or so it seems to me.

 

I disagree with the advice of not leaving a voicemail, and I don't see it as some power play. It is a bit more personal, and I see that as a good thing, particularly if you want to make sure your love interest knows you're interested. There's always a risk in dating and exposing your soft underbelly. I think leaving a voicemail showed a genuine interest in letting her know you are looking forward to your planned date, and to solidify whatever issues need to be solidified.

 

I don't know if she's playing a game or "testing," and I would question continuing on with her if that is the case. She has to volley back the interest, and if it takes this much work and anxiety to extract some time out of her, is it worth it?

 

There seems to be a tremendous amount of miscommunication and a lot of hit or misses regarding availability, and if you're both being wishy-washy, you're going to continue this trend.

 

I suggest you don't keep score on the missed dates and bad planning, or at least not bring it up unless she is continuously flaky. If she's keeping score and is bringing it up, as if it's a tit for tat, eye for an eye situation, then again, question if you're up for this game playing. You shouldn't have defend yourself because you made plans when she was clearly not available.

[Grey40]

The big problem here is that you never made any concrete plans. You HAVE to make concrete plans. Not "next weekend". You need a day, time and place to meet, it's not that hard. Stay in touch via text a little bit here and there and ask her out 3-4 days before. So like ask her out on Monday or Tuesday for Friday, etc. If she's being hard to get a hold of, dodgy or says stuff like.."I'll have to let you know..." then her interest level is non-existent, very low or she has serious anxiety issues about dating...in all 3 cases it's probably worth it to pursue someone else.

 

Like people said above, when a girl likes you, it's usually pretty obvious and easy to tell because they will jump at plans with you and very rarely cancel them. But if you're not specific then she's might not even be sure you're serious. You were basically trying to confirm nothing when you called her the day before...you didn't even tell her a place, time or plan..think about it. Someone could have called her two days before you did (a friend or another guy) and actually made a really plan to do something, and she probably agreed to that because you never really confirmed anything.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Grey40

[jimbo]

Not sure how I was wishy washy. Two Saturday's ago we were at dinner. I said, you should come over NEXT Saturday and I will cook us a nice meal. She said I would love to. Then she said, you cook dinner, and I will make desert.

 

That's not concrete enough? I also gave her my address. I did find it a bit strange on Sunday she texted stating that we should hang out next weekend. I brushed it off as she was pulling my leg.

 

I then confirmed on Friday, she said she had to work. I also thought that was weird, and needed to cancel. I said no problem, we'll do it another time. She then offered Sunday, but I already had plans and relayed this to her. On Saturday, she did again text early afternoon, and when I did reply, I said not a problem, we'll just set something up for next weekend. She then went into a rant that we didn't even discuss plans as she first had to work, then she didn't. I was a bit confused but wanted to defuse the situation and suggested it was just a miscommunication and it was not a big deal.

 

To ensure there was no miscommunication again, I picked up the phone and called her to go over this weekend. That was two days ago, nothing since.

 

I am not a big texter, as texting things get miscommunicated all the time. Call me old fashion, but speaking to someone is usually much better than texting.

 

We would text every few days to check how things are. I didn't want to over do it, so I would text every couple of days. I do not like to over think things, as I prefer to let things happen naturally. Two Saturday nights ago, she texted me a picture of what she wants to wear for halloween. Let's just say, it isn't PG.

 

I do not like to juggle more than one at a time. I am not a player, but after other relationships have fizzled I am a bit reserved and I'm a bit cautious.

 

I really do not know what better way to go over future plans then in person, which we did. I do not understand how when I confirmed on Friday, she was

"working" on Saturday, but then on Saturday, she found out she didn't have to work. I thought that was very strange. I also found out that her mini blow up was a bit uncalled for as well. As I just kept on typing not a big deal. No worries. No biggie.

[jimbo]

The big problem here is that you never made any concrete plans. You HAVE to make concrete plans. Not "next weekend". You need a day, time and place to meet, it's not that hard. Stay in touch via text a little bit here and there and ask her out 3-4 days before. So like ask her out on Monday or Tuesday for Friday, etc. If she's being hard to get a hold of, dodgy or says stuff like.."I'll have to let you know..." then her interest level is non-existent, very low or she has serious anxiety issues about dating...in all 3 cases it's probably worth it to pursue someone else.

 

Like people said above, when a girl likes you, it's usually pretty obvious and easy to tell because they will jump at plans with you and very rarely cancel them. But if you're not specific then she's might not even be sure you're serious. You were basically trying to confirm nothing when you called her the day before...you didn't even tell her a place, time or plan..think about it. Someone could have called her two days before you did (a friend or another guy) and actually made a really plan to do something, and she probably agreed to that because you never really confirmed anything.

 

She always did before. Heck, when we were walking down the street, she pulled me into an alley and started making out with me. I assumed high interest.

[jimbo]

Are all your texts and conversations so vague and confusing? I'm so lost on the timeline. Did you text, "Sorry, too late," or did you text, "Sorry I missed your text. I left my phone in the car. I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, and text me back when you're up."

 

I mean, your description sounds like you're rather flippant, and with that low level of enthusiasm, it doesn't surprise me she has backed off...why bother pursuing someone who comes across as barely interested?

 

I'm confused as to how SHE, and you, were completely clueless about her work schedule. Unless she got called in to cover a shift last minute, this should have been known, and no date would have been planned. If she needs the money and hours or just wants to help out her coworkers and employer, she could have stated something like, "Hey, one of my coworkers needs the night off, and I'm going to go in and cover. Sorry. Can we reschedule for <day>?" Not that you would necessarily believe her excuse, but let's take this at face value until there is a reason to suspect otherwise.

 

I have worked a couple jobs where schedules were less than forthcoming to the point you had no idea if you were scheduled tomorrow, and even in that situation, the "up in the air" situation would have been discussed...or so it seems to me.

 

I disagree with the advice of not leaving a voicemail, and I don't see it as some power play. It is a bit more personal, and I see that as a good thing, particularly if you want to make sure your love interest knows you're interested. There's always a risk in dating and exposing your soft underbelly. I think leaving a voicemail showed a genuine interest in letting her know you are looking forward to your planned date, and to solidify whatever issues need to be solidified.

 

I don't know if she's playing a game or "testing," and I would question continuing on with her if that is the case. She has to volley back the interest, and if it takes this much work and anxiety to extract some time out of her, is it worth it?

 

There seems to be a tremendous amount of miscommunication and a lot of hit or misses regarding availability, and if you're both being wishy-washy, you're going to continue this trend.

 

I suggest you don't keep score on the missed dates and bad planning, or at least not bring it up unless she is continuously flaky. If she's keeping score and is bringing it up, as if it's a tit for tat, eye for an eye situation, then again, question if you're up for this game playing. You shouldn't have defend yourself because you made plans when she was clearly not available.

 

Not keeping score. Not sure where that came from. Nor how I am wishy washy. I was just paraphrasing in my OP. I believe I was quite clear on our second date for the week after. Hence the reason why I confirmed the night before. When she said she was working, I thought that was weird, so I said okay, maybe another time. That's fine. I know, at date # 2 I am not a priority. However, she seemed to lose it when I wasn't available when she was for Saturday. I kept on stating, it's not a big deal. It's okay there is always next week. Wasn't trying to argue or cause a problem.

 

Still feel both were s-h-i-t tests, but it is what it is. I believe it's pretty normal when one person says they are busy tomorrow, the other person plans their day doing something else. I didn't feel it was necessary to apologize for that; nor should anyone else for having a life outside a person I've only saw for 2 days.

[jimbo]

maybe she didn't play her VM. I don't always. Try one more text with concrete plans. Do not rehash all the back & forth scheduling issues. Just say hey, wanna grab a drink or something on Wednesday (or whenever) If you don't hear back after that stop trying.

 

I was thinking about that, but seems I am trying too hard. After all she knows I called as it would ring as a missed call + voicemail.

[jimbo]

The big problem here is that you never made any concrete plans. You HAVE to make concrete plans. Not "next weekend". You need a day, time and place to meet, it's not that hard. Stay in touch via text a little bit here and there and ask her out 3-4 days before. So like ask her out on Monday or Tuesday for Friday, etc. If she's being hard to get a hold of, dodgy or says stuff like.."I'll have to let you know..." then her interest level is non-existent, very low or she has serious anxiety issues about dating...in all 3 cases it's probably worth it to pursue someone else.

 

Like people said above, when a girl likes you, it's usually pretty obvious and easy to tell because they will jump at plans with you and very rarely cancel them. But if you're not specific then she's might not even be sure you're serious. You were basically trying to confirm nothing when you called her the day before...you didn't even tell her a place, time or plan..think about it. Someone could have called her two days before you did (a friend or another guy) and actually made a really plan to do something, and she probably agreed to that because you never really confirmed anything.

 

I thought that they were pretty concrete. I guess she forgot? I usually contact dates on Monday or Tuesday to discuss plans. That is what I tried this week. Since there was confusion via text, I thought calling would be a better option.

[act00]

Not keeping score. Not sure where that came from. Nor how I am wishy washy. I was just paraphrasing in my OP. I believe I was quite clear on our second date for the week after. Hence the reason why I confirmed the night before. When she said she was working, I thought that was weird, so I said okay, maybe another time. That's fine. I know, at date # 2 I am not a priority. However, she seemed to lose it when I wasn't available when she was for Saturday. I kept on stating, it's not a big deal. It's okay there is always next week. Wasn't trying to argue or cause a problem.

 

Still feel both were s-h-i-t tests, but it is what it is. I believe it's pretty normal when one person says they are busy tomorrow, the other person plans their day doing something else. I didn't feel it was necessary to apologize for that; nor should anyone else for having a life outside a person I've only saw for 2 days.

 

Your quote is what makes me think people are keeping score:

 

When I tried to confirm yesterday (Friday) for today on our plans, you cancelled because you said you had work. It's no big deal and alls good. She said, we never had plans, and I dodged her on Sunday? I just said, we discussed this in detail on Saturday, but no problem. It was a miscommunication via text. She then said, like you said, no big deal. I offered next weekend again, she replied back with okay.

 

And like you said, "No big deal." She's out the door with "no biggie."

 

Please define "next weekend?" Today is Wednesday in my time zone, but by the time you read this, it's probably Thursday for you, which means "next weekend" is a week and a half from now...not THIS weekend, in which Friday is the day after tomorrow (or are we referring to the weekend after next weekend...this wording is so subjective)...so "no big deal," she's being blown off for a week and a half -- and perhaps you are being blown off too, I don't know, but I can tell you that I wouldn't be putting a whole lot of effort into "no big deal, how about two weeks from now...but that's up in the air since a day or time isn't specified."

 

This woman you're seeing doesn't seem to be making any defined choices either, so I don't mean to place blame on you entirely, but there are issues going on here, and someone needs to take the lead. I have no idea if she's done working around a bunch of loose ideas and a person who seems nonplussed, or if she's playing coy. I do not know what she's thinking or doing. Since you're the one on the board seeking advice, try being more defined on the date and time, solidify these immediately...not "next weekend" or whenever the wind blows you in her direction. How about getting her out to see you THIS weekend, or even for something during the week if schedules permit, and this will require being defined on date and time and place.

 

I didn't feel it was necessary to apologize for that; nor should anyone else for having a life outside a person I've only saw for 2 days.

 

Why not apologize for that?! It's not an apology as if you did anything wrong, it's saying you're sorry you missed a call or missed an opportunity, and if you're not feeling some level of remorse for bad timing and you totally missed an opportunity to spend time with her (if only you were psychic), then you come across as rather cold. Do you never say you're sorry because a friend is suffering somehow? "I'm so sorry you're hurting," "I'm sorry this is happening to you," or anything like that? It's called empathy. "I'm sorry I didn't get your message sooner." "I'm sorry I misunderstood and thought you meant Sunday when we were talking about dinner."

 

To be clear, she should be doing the same, and if she's not, and if she's being evasive and hard to pin down, then maybe it's not worth your time pursuing her.

[jimbo]

Your quote is what makes me think people are keeping score:

 

 

 

And like you said, "No big deal." She's out the door with "no biggie."

 

Please define "next weekend?" Today is Wednesday in my time zone, but by the time you read this, it's probably Thursday for you, which means "next weekend" is a week and a half from now...not THIS weekend, in which Friday is the day after tomorrow (or are we referring to the weekend after next weekend...this wording is so subjective)...so "no big deal," she's being blown off for a week and a half -- and perhaps you are being blown off too, I don't know, but I can tell you that I wouldn't be putting a whole lot of effort into "no big deal, how about two weeks from now...but that's up in the air since a day or time isn't specified."

 

This woman you're seeing doesn't seem to be making any defined choices either, so I don't mean to place blame on you entirely, but there are issues going on here, and someone needs to take the lead. I have no idea if she's done working around a bunch of loose ideas and a person who seems nonplussed, or if she's playing coy. I do not know what she's thinking or doing. Since you're the one on the board seeking advice, try being more defined on the date and time, solidify these immediately...not "next weekend" or whenever the wind blows you in her direction. How about getting her out to see you THIS weekend, or even for something during the week if schedules permit, and this will require being defined on date and time and place.

 

 

 

Why not apologize for that?! It's not an apology as if you did anything wrong, it's saying you're sorry you missed a call or missed an opportunity, and if you're not feeling some level of remorse for bad timing and you totally missed an opportunity to spend time with her (if only you were psychic), then you come across as rather cold. Do you never say you're sorry because a friend is suffering somehow? "I'm so sorry you're hurting," "I'm sorry this is happening to you," or anything like that? It's called empathy. "I'm sorry I didn't get your message sooner." "I'm sorry I misunderstood and thought you meant Sunday when we were talking about dinner."

 

To be clear, she should be doing the same, and if she's not, and if she's being evasive and hard to pin down, then maybe it's not worth your time pursuing her.

 

I said no biggie deal to defuse any possible situation. I said next weekend as I was going to call her during the week to shore up the plans. I did call and then no response; which was weird as she always replied to my texts pretty fast. I was going to text her to see if she was okay, but one friend say sure, you can go for broke. You have nothing to lose, but it doesn't make you look too good. The other said it's prob. not a good idea. If she wanted to see you, then she would had reached out. She's prob. testing to see if you will contact her again. He said the old saying is always true. You have to be willing to lose someone in order to see if they will come back.

 

Just too confusing.

[Versacehottie]

Not sure how I was wishy washy. Two Saturday's ago we were at dinner. I said, you should come over NEXT Saturday and I will cook us a nice meal. She said I would love to. Then she said, you cook dinner, and I will make desert.

 

That's not concrete enough? I also gave her my address. I did find it a bit strange on Sunday she texted stating that we should hang out next weekend. I brushed it off as she was pulling my leg.

I then confirmed on Friday, she said she had to work. I also thought that was weird, and needed to cancel. I said no problem, we'll do it another time. She then offered Sunday, but I already had plans and relayed this to her. On Saturday, she did again text early afternoon, and when I did reply, I said not a problem, we'll just set something up for next weekend. She then went into a rant that we didn't even discuss plans as she first had to work, then she didn't. I was a bit confused but wanted to defuse the situation and suggested it was just a miscommunication and it was not a big deal.

 

To ensure there was no miscommunication again, I picked up the phone and called her to go over this weekend. That was two days ago, nothing since.

 

I am not a big texter, as texting things get miscommunicated all the time. Call me old fashion, but speaking to someone is usually much better than texting.

 

We would text every few days to check how things are. I didn't want to over do it, so I would text every couple of days. I do not like to over think things, as I prefer to let things happen naturally. Two Saturday nights ago, she texted me a picture of what she wants to wear for halloween. Let's just say, it isn't PG.

 

I do not like to juggle more than one at a time. I am not a player, but after other relationships have fizzled I am a bit reserved and I'm a bit cautious.

 

I really do not know what better way to go over future plans then in person, which we did. I do not understand how when I confirmed on Friday, she was

"working" on Saturday, but then on Saturday, she found out she didn't have to work. I thought that was very strange. I also found out that her mini blow up was a bit uncalled for as well. As I just kept on typing not a big deal. No worries. No biggie.

 

I think (bolded above) that she was actually being vague about the plans you had already made, i.e. wavering when she said let's hang out next weekend. I bet she either found out that she had to work, had something else going on or even another date that firmed up for saturday. Then she probably still wanted to see you in general so she in effect started the scheduling all over again by playing stupid. Or it's possible she forgot. As you said, what is more concrete than come over next saturday and giving her your address??!??! And her agreeing to it. I think your misstep is letting it slide rather than clarifying when you thought she was pulling your leg (as far as the scheduling part goes). It shouldn't have been that big a deal to do what you did but if she had bad intentions or tends to get confused or is not firm with plans, any of which of those could be, well then all kinds of stuff can get messed up.

 

As far as how to resolve it, I would just start afresh and reach out with confidence. take the high road and don't get caught up in the minutia if you still want to keep dating her or want to date her a bit more to find out if she's for you. It does sound like both of you are digging your heels in a bit about who did what (even if you are not expressing it to her and allowing it to slide, you are still letting it affect your decision making going forward). Idk, I think you are at crossroads where you might just need to decide to drop this issue as it was in the past OR say bye to her. I think if people have been burned by flakes they can be overly sensitive about schedule making...or sadly if this person is a flake, they tend to manipulate to "pretend" or twist things to fit their current wishes/story. Good luck

 

*ps even my own message is confusing about all this scheduling stuff. ok let's talk about it tomorrow or yeah next weekend sometime if i don't have anything else going on. and oh yeah my friends birthday party is friday or was that saturday. flake-speak

Edited September 28, 2017 by Versacehottie

[jimbo]

I am not perfect, no one is. I really didn't think it was a big deal until I didn't hear back from her. I will text her in the morning and ask how is she doing and see how she responds.

 

Usually, or at least with me, when someone cancels or in this case says they have something to do tomorrow, I said no problem and mean it. If it was that morning and she blew me off, it would be something different. All I can do is try to reach out one more time.

 

There was no ill-will or game being played on my part. I am not glued to my phone; especially on the weekends when I am not working.

[Sara1989]

I usually act like this when I am meh about a guy and am dating someone else at the same time who I am more interested in.

 

I would not text again and let her come to you. Don't accept flaky behaviour.

[smackie9]

Some people go silent or distant, rather than give you the news they are not interested anymore. It is what it is.

[Imajerk17]

My thought on the matter is that you lost momentum.

 

Two weeks is a rather long time to go between dates. I suppose that if she were crazy about you after 2 dates, you and she would have found a way to make the third date happen some way or another, despite your schedules not meshing that one weekend. But many times even in dating that turns into LTRs the woman isn't crazy about the guy after 2 dates, so if you want a third date, you have to be more proactive about making it happen.

 

I get that much of this is on her. But sometimes when it comes to meeting up in the early stages of dating, we do have to meet the woman more than halfway. Masculine and feminine energy--men are the initiators and women are receptive. To the point here, would it have been possible to work around your plans that Sunday to have met up with her. (And if you HAD tried to meet the woman more than halfway and she still was flaky, then you can be assured that either she met someone else or that she just wasn't interested.)

 

Anyway get back in touch as you have planned, what do you have to lose.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Imajerk17

[SevenCity]

One thing you have to realize with dating nowadays is there are no guarantees. The only way to protect yourself is by seeing multiple women at the same time.

 

You said you're not into that, which is your right, but what happens is you put all your eggs in one basket and overthink things. I don't consider anything remotely important until we've had sex. I've had girls flake after fooling around on a first date. Oh well - I usually have others in the mix and I didn't sleep with them so don't really care. It sucks, but it's today's reality.

 

The big thing I didn't see discussed in scanning the thread was her mini outburst about the plan confusion. This should be a HUGE red flag for you. If a woman is loosing her temper, even slightly, on something so small it is a hallmark of things to come.

 

You want someone who is laid back and easy going as you appear to be. I would not reach out as she doesn't seem interested. Trust me when you get a woman who is interested in you you will lose patience for those who are not. It spoils you. Your dates will be more fun and you will work a lot less.

 

If after two dates she is like this, imagine after two years??? No thanks.

[jimbo]

Heard from her this morning. Said there was a family issue and said she'd call tonight. I said sure. Never heard from her. I'm done. Too old for these games.

[jimbo]

Guess it just irks me, but why go through the bother of texting me that she had a "family emergency", tell me she'll call me later and then poof. If one was going to go poof, why bother with the text informing me of the claimed reason of the no call back and to tell me that she'll call me that night; but never does.

 

A bit redundant. No?

[TheFinalWord]

Guess it just irks me, but why go through the bother of texting me that she had a "family emergency", tell me she'll call me later and then poof. If one was going to go poof, why bother with the text informing me of the claimed reason of the no call back and to tell me that she'll call me that night; but never does.

 

A bit redundant. No?

 

Who knows man. Ghosting is common these days. I think it's discourteous. Probably putting you on the back burner in case something else didn't work out. You may not know the reason, but normally you're gut will tell if you if you are being lied to, or played in some way. I would trust that early on. Only thing you can try to do is not invest too much early on, especially if you start seeing signs of flakiness.

[ChatroomHero]

Something pretty interesting happened to a friend of mine in this type of situation this past weekend after a conversation we had.

 

 

He met a girl, had met up with her once or twice, said it was casual, they had fun, nothing too serious but both liked each other and made plans to meet again. She asked to see him on a day he was throwing a party at his ex-wife's house for one of his kids that was a really big event for the kid (not just a birthday or anything like that), but he said they could get together the day after the party.

 

 

That was all he said about it to her, he was throwing a big party for his kid at his ex-wife's house. The day before the party, he texted her in the a.m. and asked if she wanted to meet up the day after the party for an event he wanted to go to. She didn't respond for a long time and when she did, she had sent a long text about how she was going to move on, he was too close to his ex-wife and she couldn't handle that. He told me he tried to think back and the only time he recalls mentioning his ex-wife in conversation or text was the one time to say the party was at her house and he said he hadn't mentioned his ex-wife at all other than that, and was really floored by her text to the point he read it like 5 time because he thought maybe she was joking.

 

 

He was telling me everything and said she just stopped texting him after that when they were chatting every day throughout the day. I got that he was kind of into her so I told him I bet if he texted her and acted like he texted her by mistake and was talking to another girl, she'd probably be interested again.

 

 

I more or less said it as part of a discussion, not exactly recommending it but the next morning he actually sent her a text like that, that said, ...Hey Mary (another girl's name), are we still meeting up tonight? Let me know so I can make plans... 2 hours later he got a response where she said...This isn't Mary, it's XXX. I thought you had your party tonight?... His response to that was basically...Sorry, how are you?...and ignored the part about going out with someone the same night he was throwing the party. lol

 

 

The funny part was he said she asked right away if he wanted to meet up the next night and he said she texted him throughout the entire day like nothing ever happened.

 

 

Not saying you should do it, but it did work for him. I guess she saw him as in demand and maybe that he did not have a lot of stock in her and it worked. I am not a fan of playing games, but frankly after he told me I think the next time I am ghosted or blown off I might try this if I like the girl. Maybe if the game works, the ends will justify the means.

[smackie9]

Ghosting or ignoring or BS excuses, has been around since the beginning of time. There's always that question " BUT WHY??" No one really likes to come out and say "I don't want to date you." or "My other date worked out better." or "You don't do it for me." or "No chemistry". Some would rather be passive, ghost in hopes that would be a message loud and clear "I'm not interested".

 

Tip: you don't hear from them or they don't respond, or you hear excuses, simply write them off. Don't get mad just move the hell on.