We broke up by accident when we were looking to resolve things

[whiteout75]

Ok, i know you might be thinking that breakups happen for a reason, we should accept and try to make the best of the situation either alone, or together. I agree. But what to do when you misread the situation, took it to mean an impending breakup, and went along with it?

 

This is what just happened to me. I don't think a breakup was the only solution being offered to me. But i got the fear (hurt badly in last relationship), thought that was what she ultimately wanted, and didn't put up any real counter-argument - i gave in and took the easy way out because i thought to meet her in the middle would be better than us both fighting our corners. Yes, i didn't really want to break up, but it was:

 

amicable

matter of fact

quite emotionless

logical

 

But i feel like we just took that route semi-consciously. We didn't have much time. There is a bit of geographical distance involved. However we have always had love (largely unexpressed though, but felt) and respect and a healthy interest in one an other's lives. The relationship is 1.5 years old, met on a dating site. I have a young child from a previous relationship who she has bonded with very well. I was hoping to live closer to her within the next year.

 

There have been issues with this. Our communication took a nose-dive recently, which has caused a silent gulf to develop between us. Unfortunately i took the, again, semi-conscious decision to sit on this and not act instantly, which has cast doubts on our relationship, specifically my time for her (i have commitments with child, and work, and time too - we see each other roughly 5 or 6 times a month for a day or so each time), and how much emotional space i have for her in my life. This has caused anxiety in her, and i've taken too long to reassure her.

 

We are both good communicators in some ways (just not so much about love and emotions), but this issue has caused us to hold back in the relationship, and many things have been bottled up.

 

That said, there is genuine love (just no 'i love you's), many happy times, small, important things shared, mutual respect, giving, and very little wrong otherwise. We just maybe made a rash decision based on how little time we have together. Sometimes the truth leads you to these decisions naturally.

 

But these problems CAN be overcome, and we didn't take the time to do so.

 

So what my question is really is how should i approach a potential reconciliation?

 

We haven't agreed on any No Contact rule or anything like that. We said our apologies, and i left. But it just doesn't feel 'right'. We shouldn't have split up. There was great sadness, physical comforting, a little anger from her, and me just accepting things, basically. Too easily. There's no good long-term reason in my mind that we should have broken up. Maybe taken a look at how things were and made plans to improve or resolve, for sure.

 

So yes, it seems we HAVE broken up. But i feel there is more to explore with her.

I am desperate not to scare her off or confuse her, because i love her. And obviously i want to keep things open. But should i give her time? Or should i try with a gentle...'are we able to explore this any further at this time?' before it's too late? Or is it ever too late (unless the worst happens and she finds someone else, of course)?

We have gotten used to missing each other because of our life commitments, but i want her to know my position - that i am willing to keep communicating in some way if she wants the same - which i am sure she might well, because she is a talker and a communicator in her job, and has a good mind for it.

 

Help, basically!!

 

Thanks.