Jump to content

Totally Smitten - Not Sure What to Do

TaxMan

By TaxMan
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
Posted

I'm in my 40s but today I am feeling like a teenager.

 

I've been seeing a woman for several months (after a divorce following a lengthy marriage and several long-term relationships both before and after the marriage), and I am totally head over heels for her in a way I have NEVER felt before. It's enough to make me believe I have never really been in love before, or maybe this is something else.

 

I should clarify that this is not a physical infatuation. She's beautiful, yes. And I find her very sexy, etc. But that's not what I think about when I think of her. I just want to spend like all of my time with her. Being around her is just intoxicating to me. I've never felt anything like this before. And it's hard to pinpoint exactly why - it's everything about her. I can't stop thinking about her to the point that it's almost ridiculous.

 

I try to distract myself with other things and my thoughts just keep coming back to her. I have to stop myself from messaging her all the time so I don't come off as a creep or something. So I restrain myself from asking to see her too often, or to call her too much, because I don't want to mess things up. But I guess I am wondering if this is normal and if/when it will stop. It's been months and it gets more intense (not less) every time I see her, which has been 2-3 times a week.

 

I'm just not sure how to navigate this. It's not like I can talk to her about it. And using everything I can think of to distract myself and focus on other things just works for a little while and then it's right back to thinking about her. I feel a little crazy.

 

Some will probably say enjoy it because it doesn't happen often. And I am enjoying it. Being with her is amazing. And, yes, she likes me too, and goes out of her way to spend time with me and seems to really like me, too.

 

We have told each other "I love you" but this feels like something even stronger than that, if that's possible. I guess I understand now what people mean when they say "I'm crazy about her." Because that's what if feels like.

  • Like 4
trailwolf Member

trailwolf

Posted
Posted

if she feels the same about you , i would say go for it !

  • Like 1
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

Go away, person mutually in love. This board is for problems. We don't take kindly to the likes of you around here.

 

I'm kidding, but this sounds like infatuation - The first stage of love which is experienced at various intensities and durations. Definitely enjoy it while it lasts!

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

It's amazing isn't it ? :-)

 

How many months have you been dating? Can you escalate to more then 2-3 times a week? Do you spend weekends together?

 

My bf and I have been dating for 2 years and I still feel completely infatuated and he does as well. He's in my mind all the time and I wish I could spend every breathing moment with him. Why would you want that feeling to end?

  • Like 2
olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted

I'm still crazy about my guy after over 2 years and he feels the same.

I don't ever want it to stop!

 

So enjoy this and don't hold back so much.

If she loves you she'll love to hear how nuts about her you are.

  • Like 1
  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Go away, person mutually in love. This board is for problems. We don't take kindly to the likes of you around here.

 

I'm kidding, but this sounds like infatuation - The first stage of love which is experienced at various intensities and durations. Definitely enjoy it while it lasts!

 

Ha! I guess it's not much of a problem?

 

It's just surprising that I've never felt this before with other partners, and I don't really know how to handle it.

 

Like, honestly, I felt like I was in love before but never like this. I've never like lost the ability to concentrate for hours at a time. Never had to restrain myself from calling and texting too much like I do with her.

Noideanow Established Member

Noideanow

Posted
Posted

i think you will feel this way until you move together and get used to the wonderful feeling of that, like cows coming on grass after a winter and running and jumping after a while they just enjoy feeling happy.

now when youre not together with her you just want to be with her (and she you i assume:love:), so your mind goes crazy beacause your not together when you should be-)-(

 

hope you find a way to be around each other all the time-))

wonderful to read:love::love::love: so happy for you:):):):):bunny: so glad to read something like this-)))

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Like, honestly, I felt like I was in love before but never like this. I've never like lost the ability to concentrate for hours at a time. Never had to restrain myself from calling and texting too much like I do with her.

 

It depends on the person personality and I think men experience being smitten more passionately and intensely than woman. I am completely crazy about my bf but I can spend an entire day without calling or texting him. My bf is different, he calls each day at 7 am, then 2 pm then 11 pm. If he could call more I think he would.

  • Like 2
  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It's amazing isn't it ? :-)

 

How many months have you been dating? Can you escalate to more then 2-3 times a week? Do you spend weekends together?

 

My bf and I have been dating for 2 years and I still feel completely infatuated and he does as well. He's in my mind all the time and I wish I could spend every breathing moment with him. Why would you want that feeling to end?

 

It's been about three months. Some weeks (like this past week) we see each other more often. We saw each other five times last week. Some other weeks, she works a ton and we only see each other once. We both work a lot and I have a daughter half the time. So it's not always easy to find time. But we do.

 

I guess it's not so much the feeling that I want to end, it's the inability to concentrate and the lack of control that I feel I have over the situation. I feel like I'd be devastated if I ever lost her, like she is the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. It's borderline unhealthy to feel that way, I think. But maybe not? ;-)

  • Like 1
  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It depends on the person personality and I think men experience being smitten more passionately and intensely than woman. I am completely crazy about my bf but I can spend an entire day without calling or texting him. My bf is different, he calls each day at 7 am, then 2 pm then 11 pm. If he could call more I think he would.

 

Yeah, I don't want to be that clingy guy. I'm very cautious about coming off as too needy or clingy or that sort of thing. I think that is a turn off. But I do tell her how awesome I think she is and how much I love being around her and all of those things, that's never in question. I just feel like I need to give her space, too. Like I want her to miss me sometimes. I think that's healthy - to be apart sometimes and be OK with it.

 

I'm just not OK with it as much as I'd like to be. ;-)

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
It's been about three months.

 

The 3 month mark is an important one in the dating world. It's often the make-it or break-it moment, it's also the moment where you transit from 'dating' to 'being in a relationship'. Feeling intensifies, we fall in love, so it's when we are 'taking a risk'. You are at that crossroad.

  • Like 1
  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
i think you will feel this way until you move together and get used to the wonderful feeling of that, like cows coming on grass after a winter and running and jumping after a while they just enjoy feeling happy.

now when youre not together with her you just want to be with her (and she you i assume:love:), so your mind goes crazy beacause your not together when you should be-)-(

 

hope you find a way to be around each other all the time-))

wonderful to read:love::love::love: so happy for you:):):):):bunny: so glad to read something like this-)))

 

Funny thing is, I'm not sure I'd want to move in, as I am afraid it could mess up a good thing. Also, I've been married and in a live-in situation with another long term partner before, and I really do value my independence. And so does she. I guess that's part of why I am torn about this.

 

I don't want to feel so reliant on another person for my happiness or my well being, and I kind of feel that way right now. Like she is the source of this incredible well of joy that I feel and - while I don't want it to go away, it's also scary that it's so intense and I can't control it.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I don't want to be that clingy guy. I'm very cautious about coming off as too needy or clingy or that sort of thing. I think that is a turn off. But I do tell her how awesome I think she is and how much I love being around her and all of those things, that's never in question. I just feel like I need to give her space, too. Like I want her to miss me sometimes. I think that's healthy - to be apart sometimes and be OK with it.

 

I'm just not OK with it as much as I'd like to be. ;-)

 

In a relationship where both people love each other there is no cligniness. Even if my bf has a higher need to hear from me I don't feel at all he is cligning to me, I enjoy everyone of his calls. My bf is a man that has a high need of 'togetherness'. It makes me feel important and wanted. I doubt this woman would see your need for 'togetherness' as cligny.

  • Like 1
Noideanow Established Member

Noideanow

Posted
Posted

im female and i can tell you when we really love like you describe we feel exactly that way,

you can never be too clingy or needy or whatever never, never, we just want to be with you 24/7, i was missing a man when he left to go on the opposite side of the street for 2 minutes and i could even see him through the window,

you dont have to be apart to miss each other i think the more you are together the more you will miss each other when you are not together:(:)

wow this is sweet sweet sweet-)))

Noideanow Established Member

Noideanow

Posted
Posted

It has to be so intense and uncontrollable, its love, its Strong its a FORCE of nature meant to keep you together night and day to love, build protect and raise children, its love look at the animals what they do.. i follow the birds building nest outside my window they are together and dont grow tired of each other:cool:

Noideanow Established Member

Noideanow

Posted
Posted

you have to depend on her and she you, its like a child saying i dont want to depend on my mother or a mother saying i dont want my child to depend on me, in love thats exactly what you do depend on each other forming a unity noone can break and where nothing is as important:cool:

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
I'm in my 40s but today I am feeling like a teenager.

 

I've been seeing a woman for several months (after a divorce following a lengthy marriage and several long-term relationships both before and after the marriage), and I am totally head over heels for her in a way I have NEVER felt before. It's enough to make me believe I have never really been in love before, or maybe this is something else.

 

I should clarify that this is not a physical infatuation. She's beautiful, yes. And I find her very sexy, etc. But that's not what I think about when I think of her. I just want to spend like all of my time with her. Being around her is just intoxicating to me. I've never felt anything like this before. And it's hard to pinpoint exactly why - it's everything about her. I can't stop thinking about her to the point that it's almost ridiculous.

 

I try to distract myself with other things and my thoughts just keep coming back to her. I have to stop myself from messaging her all the time so I don't come off as a creep or something. So I restrain myself from asking to see her too often, or to call her too much, because I don't want to mess things up. But I guess I am wondering if this is normal and if/when it will stop. It's been months and it gets more intense (not less) every time I see her, which has been 2-3 times a week.

 

I'm just not sure how to navigate this. It's not like I can talk to her about it. And using everything I can think of to distract myself and focus on other things just works for a little while and then it's right back to thinking about her. I feel a little crazy.

 

Some will probably say enjoy it because it doesn't happen often. And I am enjoying it. Being with her is amazing. And, yes, she likes me too, and goes out of her way to spend time with me and seems to really like me, too.

 

We have told each other "I love you" but this feels like something even stronger than that, if that's possible. I guess I understand now what people mean when they say "I'm crazy about her." Because that's what if feels like.

 

The words are True Love, spiritual love you have that now enjoy it because a lot of us never get to that point those of us who feel just like you do now. When both of you feel that way it's lovely! I wish the best for you two! :)

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted
Ha! I guess it's not much of a problem?

 

It's just surprising that I've never felt this before with other partners, and I don't really know how to handle it.

 

Like, honestly, I felt like I was in love before but never like this. I've never like lost the ability to concentrate for hours at a time. Never had to restrain myself from calling and texting too much like I do with her.

That's so wonderful ...but also I can see how it is kind of nervewracking in a good way lol. Certainly it's one of the better problems to have. Hoping it stays that way for you two forevermore. Now I am leaving this thread it's starting to make me a little sick :sick::laugh:

  • Like 3
LovelyRose Established Member

LovelyRose

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I don't want to be that clingy guy. I'm very cautious about coming off as too needy or clingy or that sort of thing. I think that is a turn off. But I do tell her how awesome I think she is and how much I love being around her and all of those things, that's never in question. I just feel like I need to give her space, too. Like I want her to miss me sometimes. I think that's healthy - to be apart sometimes and be OK with it.

 

I'm just not OK with it as much as I'd like to be. ;-)

 

 

 

Very refreshing to read. You just have to talk to her what is considered clingy. Every person is different. If I am your gf and I read this, I will tell you don't restrain yourself. I am the same way. I like to hear from my bf all the time. If he calls me multiple times a day and texts me all day long I wouldn't mind it. But some people, like my bf hahaha, are not like that.

 

So why dont you ask her? Are you only seeing each other 2-3 times a week because of the schedule conflict or this is your set limitation? I am in an LDR so I only see my bf once a month. But in the past I saw my exes every day and it was never an issue for me.

 

It's only been 3 months so you two still have a lot more learning and discovering to do. Enjoy the feeling and be grateful for having to feel it.

  • Like 1
JuneL Established Member

JuneL

Posted
Posted

It's always so sweet and so cute to read about a middle aged man falling in love and acting like a teenager :love: I think some studies have shown that men at that age range have more potential of becoming a hopeless romantic :p

  • Like 2
  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It's always so sweet and so cute to read about a middle aged man falling in love and acting like a teenager :love: I think some studies have shown that men at that age range have more potential of becoming a hopeless romantic :p

 

Funny -- I find myself, in my 40s, to be not only way more romantic than I ever was before, but also to be way more self-aware, which means not only do I love more intensely and romantically than I did when I was younger, but I understand WHY and HOW I feel the way I do, and it feels much deeper and more meaningful. Maybe those things go hand in hand. As you get older and wiser, you learn more about yourself and others and it helps you have deeper feelings for others. I'm not sure. That's how it feels though.

  • Like 1
  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Very refreshing to read. You just have to talk to her what is considered clingy. Every person is different. If I am your gf and I read this, I will tell you don't restrain yourself. I am the same way. I like to hear from my bf all the time. If he calls me multiple times a day and texts me all day long I wouldn't mind it. But some people, like my bf hahaha, are not like that.

 

So why dont you ask her? Are you only seeing each other 2-3 times a week because of the schedule conflict or this is your set limitation? I am in an LDR so I only see my bf once a month. But in the past I saw my exes every day and it was never an issue for me.

 

It's only been 3 months so you two still have a lot more learning and discovering to do. Enjoy the feeling and be grateful for having to feel it.

 

Thanks!

 

We see each other whenever possible. 2-3 times a week has been the average, sometimes more sometimes less. We both work a lot, travel a lot for work, and have lots of responsibilities (I have a child half time) that take up time. But we've always made sure to make time for each other. I feel like we see each other a good amount and communicate well.

 

I'm not sure if I could handle seeing each other every day right now. When I am with her, I literally forget everything else going on in my life for hours on end. I can't afford to do that every day!! :love::love:

  • Like 1
fred123 Established Member

fred123

Posted
Posted

If you arent exclusive then sleep with other women. You arent boyfriend and gurlfriend right?

  • Author
TaxMan Established Member

TaxMan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you arent exclusive then sleep with other women. You arent boyfriend and gurlfriend right?

 

I have zero interest in sleeping with other women. We've never had the conversation but I am certain that neither of us is seeing anyone else.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
I have zero interest in sleeping with other women. We've never had the conversation but I am certain that neither of us is seeing anyone else.

 

In case you are new to dating you have to know that nowadays you are shooting in both your foot if you do not confirm with your new partner that you are dating exclusively. We have had many visitors here swearing their new partner was exclusive and they had the surprise of their life when they found them still browsing dating sites.

 

So, you may feel like a kid inside but act like an adult man. It doesn't need to be an uncomfortable conversation, just tell her you want to be dating *officially* and listen to what she has to say.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...