Radarsat Posted September 26, 2017 Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) Okay, I've been on and off with this girl for over a year now. We broke up for the millionth time (yeah, I know) about a month ago. A little background: She left her ex-husband over 3 years ago and took her four children with her to a woman's shelter because he was being abusive and she was genuinely concerned for their safety. He eventually got worse and became a meth addict. He went away for drug rehab and thinks everything is fixed now in his life. He refuses counseling. This is a man who sharpened knifes and stared at her aggressively, chased her and the children around the home, held his son up to the wall by the throat, calls his daughter (recently) a effing little beatch, grabbed my ex-gf by the crotch and smelled his hand and said "mmm mine", and raped her in her sleep all the time because she slept so heavily. He is a horrible human being. Her one son said daddy likes sucking my private parts. Investigation was apparently done but investigators couldn't prove anything according to her. Meanwhile after that, her two oldest boys sometimes will mimic anal sex with each other and talk about penises all the time. This man was sexually abused by his father and told me to my face (long story why I met him) that he raped his father because of it in revenge. And then laughed about it. Oh he is also a self professed con-artist. Her and I have have had many issues, but I'd say 95% of it originates back to her decisions involving her ex-husband. And that's just it with her. They are HER decisions and she feels judged by me. I love her and I care for her and I realize I need to let her go but it's hard and my issue is that she allows him to stay overnight in her home so that he can see the kids. That is the biggest issue I have. She has an agreement of one night, two days with the kids but it turns into more than one night and she comes running to me and others whining and complaining about how it's not good that he's here and the kids are not good for it, etc. This is becasue he never follows through with his promises. Financially and helping with kids. But then she retracts a few days later and says she needs him and they've talked it out. They are not romantically involved. Trust me. She finds him repulsive and She has actually given her blessing to him for him to go after her best friend!!! And I know for a fact he wants this other best friend of hers Who a year ago had a nervous melt down screaming fest at my exgf for even associating with this idiot. Now her best friend says she'd date him!! I have no clue why. Spends a month in the summer hanging out at her place with him and he's "changed". Yet each week there is a screw up with him. Oh and this best friend of hers also has a boyfriend right now. But her and my exgf's exhusband are hanging out ALL the time....at my exgf's place. So he lives in my ex-gf's house and flirts with her best friend and does pretty much nothing good to be a father. Tells her no, I'm not doing this and that. And eats her food. alcohol, doesn't drive and asks her to take him everywhere, including buying him food for when he goes home.....but he's a good dad. For moments. And this time....he gets it. All of this "judgement" on my part led us to breaking up and agreeing we'd just be friends yet again. She said her and her ex-husband had a 'serious' conversation and he gets it now and will respect the only "one" night visit and then go home the next day in the late afternoon. My issue is that based on this mans past, his continued behavior (he even threatened to "shank" me), he really shouldn't even be in the house one night. I have always supported him having a chance to see the kids as much as he wants. She even said to me a week ago, well ok would you ever take him home for me if I needed you to? And I said yes!! We were broken up then. But no, she turns around and has him there for two nights because she had a serious cold and needed him to take care of the kids. He just called his daughter a *itch days before. Full discloser, she is mad at me because about 2 months ago I yelled at her son very loudly because he was about to strike my daughter in the face. And we have had issues in the past with me scaring the kids when I have had to intervene (or she has asked me to!). Anyway, am I out to lunch? Is it appropriate for this guy to stay overnight with them? Am I the douchebag or am I just finally standing up to her and saying, no, this is not cool. And THIS is why we cannot be together. Not my issues, but him controlling her still. Lay it one me folks. Sorry for the rant. Edited September 26, 2017 by Radarsat
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2017 Posted September 26, 2017 As you have said repeatedly, she makes lousy decisions when it comes to him. That is why you know you can't be with her. You need to end this once & for all. On your way out, for the kids' sake do call child protective services one more time to investigate his visits. Then go & never look back. 1
Author Radarsat Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 Thank you for your advice. I can't call them on her/him. I realize that might be wrong, but I promised her I would never do that to her. She has anxiety over that issue due to the fact when she left him few years ago, they were involved to make sure her life was on track. I just couldn't do that to her. I have to trust her that she knows when to pull the plug again on him if he can't respect her boundaries. I just need to leave her be. Thanks again.
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 If you think keeping a promise to her is more important than those kids' lives, don't call. I just hope you still feel that way if you one day learn that their father killed or maimed one of them. Already they have gigantic emotional scars. 1
Author Radarsat Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 If you think keeping a promise to her is more important than those kids' lives, don't call. I just hope you still feel that way if you one day learn that their father killed or maimed one of them. Already they have gigantic emotional scars. I will take this into consideration. You ARE right, I know this.
Recommended Posts