Kisar Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 I feel like I can't make it through this night. Last night I was stronger. what do I do. I feel betrayed, sad, jealous, alone, mad, scared, dangerous..... I cannot sleep. While I am writing on this thread my husband is probably talking to his girlfriend. I feel my baby moving inside, My 6 year old is asleep. I am hearing the crickets outside. How do I deal. What are some coping mechanism that you guys have used. I thought about calling to cry to him, but that fuels his fire. I am trying to be strong. I have to see him tomorrow for money...I don't know if I will be able to make it through that visit. I can't sleep. Help!
katty774 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Maybe you could find a good book and try to get deeply engrossed in it. Maybe some warm milk. I don't really know sweetie but just know that ... this to will pass. It will get better I promise. Time will heal. I am having a bad night myself. I hope you find something to distract your mind. Try and get some rest.
pippen_2k Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Dont listen to that Matchbox 20 song.. it will only depress you!
dgiirl Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Get a pen and paper and start writting. There's a few things you can do... 1) Write down all the things you are feeling right now. Reflect on the relationship and try to figure out what went wrong. 2) Write down all the things you HATE about your ex. What an ass he is, etc. I know for me, in the beggining, I took all the blame and saw him as an angel, no faults of his own. I needed to write down and reflect all the stuff he did to me, and realize he had been a huge part of the problem. 3) Write down a plan of where you want to be in a year from now. Do you want to move? Change jobs? What do you want to do? Do you have any major decisions to make? Make a list of pros and cons and think through it. Grasp onto something that will make you excited about your future. For me, it was the thought of moving back home and being close to my family/friends. I pictured what life would be like and for the really hard times i thought about that and looked forward to the future. Basically, just write write write until you're tired.
Author Kisar Posted August 15, 2005 Author Posted August 15, 2005 dgiirl, you have been somewhat of a life saver for me today. I will soon get my paper and pad and start writing. But I can't help but to be so sad. I am thinking of asking my doctor to refer me to a therapist tomorrow, but I am a bit embarrassed because I am a therapist. I am sooooooooooo sick because of the baby (all day sickness) and my husband leaving. I just wanted to thank you. I am not looking for sympathy, but when I post I am always excited to read the replies. in hopes that it will help me through another minute. Unfortunately I never get that many, but you have been very helpful to me. Thanks.
Devildog Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 dgiirl is right Kisar. Writing and visualizing a more positive future can do alot to lift you out of a funk. My personal experience was a little different. The turning point for me, and this was months into my situation, was actually looking to the past. I felt useless, worthless, and absolutely undesireable when I was going through my separation and divorce. And for some reason, one day I started thinking about other opportunities I had in my life. Other women that had expressed an interest in me. Maybe it was someone you didn't realize was interested at the time, hind-sight being 20/20 and all. But when I realized that there were a number of women, most of which made my XW pale in comparison, that had expressed desire or interest in a relationship with me, it really helped me to get past the feelings of being worthless. It lifted my self-esteem and my confidence. I was no longer a pathetic, rejected man who had been cast aside. I was a man with a new lease on life with new opportunities to find a woman who would treasure that which my XW had thrown away. There will be men who will think your husband a fool for giving someone else the opportunity to see how great you are.
Numb Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by pippen_2k Dont listen to that Matchbox 20 song.. it will only depress you! You mean Maroon 5
pippen_2k Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Ha yeah thats them.. All I knew it was one of them gay bands!
Numb Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by pippen_2k All I knew it was one of them gay bands! you got that right,lol
upsetnhurt Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Kisar, I am so sorry you are going through this during this important time period for you. I too can't sleep questionning why my ex does not want to be here for me.......yet please do this for me. Say to yourself how lucky you are for not being with someone who does not appreciate you for all your good traits. It is his loss completely and you need to sit back and realize that. Yes it may be a sad time for you yet just think of all the happy moments you will have in the future with your daughter and baby to be. Realize that your life is truly cherished and you are a great mom! Screw that guy.......let him mess with someone else!
dgiirl Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Originally posted by Kisar dgiirl, you have been somewhat of a life saver for me today. I will soon get my paper and pad and start writing. But I can't help but to be so sad. I am thinking of asking my doctor to refer me to a therapist tomorrow, but I am a bit embarrassed because I am a therapist. I am sooooooooooo sick because of the baby (all day sickness) and my husband leaving. I just wanted to thank you. I am not looking for sympathy, but when I post I am always excited to read the replies. in hopes that it will help me through another minute. Unfortunately I never get that many, but you have been very helpful to me. Thanks. If you are a therapist, then you know logically everything you are feeling is ok. I had a hard time with that. My head knew everything would be fine, but my heart was in so much pain. I often looked at my situation from a third person and was fascinated by everything I was learning about me, him, and that so many people have gone through the same story. Dont feel ashamed at posting. These forums are for us to reach out and get some help, to help with that pain, to help us realize we're not alone. A lot of us came here because of the pain you are suffering right now. We all got help during those dark days, and I'm simply returning the favour. That pain is the worst I have every experienced in my entire life, and if I could take it away for you, I would. Unfortunately, I cant. The only thing I can do is tell you where I'm at, a little further than you, and tell you you can get here. It's not that far in the future. Originally posted by Devildog My personal experience was a little different. The turning point for me, and this was months into my situation, was actually looking to the past. I felt useless, worthless, and absolutely undesireable when I was going through my separation and divorce. And for some reason, one day I started thinking about other opportunities I had in my life. Other women that had expressed an interest in me. Maybe it was someone you didn't realize was interested at the time, hind-sight being 20/20 and all. But when I realized that there were a number of women, most of which made my XW pale in comparison, that had expressed desire or interest in a relationship with me, it really helped me to get past the feelings of being worthless. It lifted my self-esteem and my confidence. I was no longer a pathetic, rejected man who had been cast aside. I was a man with a new lease on life with new opportunities to find a woman who would treasure that which my XW had thrown away. There will be men who will think your husband a fool for giving someone else the opportunity to see how great you are. This was actually something that helped me too. My guy friends were reassuring me my husband was a fool. He was lucky to have me. I think in the end, we just want to know we wont be alone. That someone will find us desirable. Kisar, when you are ready. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and look for your best feature. The one that makes you feel pretty. Look at it, pay attention to it, absorb yourself in it. Build your selfesteem back. Try to smile. When my stbxh left, my self-esteem was already at a low and he knocked it down even more when he left for another woman. My therapist was the first person to start building my self-confidence back up. As you are a therapist, I must say god bless you lol But as a friend, you know you can do this. It will just take time!
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