rjf027 Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Ok so I have never been on here but really feel like I need to hear people's thoughts on my situation. I met a woman in July. We hit it off immediately. In the first few weeks we only saw each other a few times as we were each busy with summer plans. But each time we saw each other it was great: drinking beer, hiking, cooking. Eventually, after 3 weeks we spent the night together and it was so great. A week after that (one month into dating) I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said no. She told me that it felt fast to her but that if I want to know if we were exclusive, yes we were; she ended something with someone else she was dating to date me. Well, much to my surprise, 4 days later she said she had changed her mind and would love to be my girlfriend. I of course was very excited. Well we had another amazing weekend together and then she had to go out of town for 1.5 weeks. It was definitely hard, especially because even though we were official, in the back of my mind I kept thinking about how she had originally said no. We spoke on the phone a few times and tried to text as we could. But I have to admit it was hard. Anyway, when she got back I picked her up from the airport at 10pm and she agreed to let me stay over with her. We spent the next day together, making breakfast, being intimate, and running a few errands. It was a great day, a day she said was "phenomenal in so many ways." We saw each other one more time that week before she yet again had to go out of town for 1.5 weeks. During the time we were together she brought up the Love Languages and told me she is Words of Appreciation (I had originally thought she was Quality Time). This is important to know because I changed the way I communicated with her during the second trip because of it. When she was out of town this time, I felt ok. I felt more secure in our relationship. I did really miss her but I knew I would see her soon and then her travel would be over for the near future. I made sure to tell her I missed her and that I can't wait for her to be home not only because it was true but also because, as a Word of Appreciation person myself, that stuff matters. Well I went out of town the day before she came home and then the day I landed she picked me up from the airport. The day was finally here and I was so elated to see her! That morning she had even texted me saying she couldn't wait to cuddle with me and even some sexual references for what would happen later. When we saw each other, everything felt great. She took me back to her place where we caught up about our trips, sharing stories and photos. And then we made out. Over an hour had passed and she got up to use the restroom. When she came back, we kissed and then she pulled away and asked if we could talk. She said she felt that while she was gone my needs weren't being met, and I told her that was not true. A lot of what she said was a blur because at some point she said she was not as into this as I was and wanted to break up. I was completely blindsided and shocked (over a week later and I still am). It feels like it came out of nowhere. She said she started thinking about it on her second trip. But she didn't our relationship any time once we both were home. I just couldn't believe it, especially after spending time at her place talking and making out. I guess it just feels like a knee-jerk reaction. She had told me multiple times that she is painfully independent and I know she had not been in a relationship in 3 years. Perhaps she was afraid to lose her independence? She also said it bugged her that I wanted to say goodnight one night when she was gone when we had talked on the phone that morning. That would never have occurred to me to be a bad thing to say. I think I'm wondering what you think: would it be ok to reach out to her? I'm guessing no but I would love to hear your thoughts. It's been just over a week and the whole thing felt very knee-jerk; as to what she was reacting to I don't know. I truly thought this was a good thing; literally no complaints. And I'm not saying this relationship was forever necessarily (would have been TBD), but I definitely saw it 6 months from now. And I feel so lost and confused. Thanks for reading.
Buriall Posted September 26, 2017 Posted September 26, 2017 She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. She may have feelings for you and the other guy is my guess, so she keeps going back n forth.. Either way she sounds not geniue and honest with you. She's "painfully independent" what is that mean?? That's rubbish. She's definitely playing some tricks here man. Take it as it is, you shouldn't be confused and lost in a healthy relationship. Go NC and move on from this don't go back to her..
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