Heartbroken75169 Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 After 10 years of dating my Fiance has decided to call it quits. We had a short 1 week break that ended with her deciding that she didnt want to try and save the relationship. She said she has been feeling like our relationship was beyond repair for a long time, but she never communicated to me. We have a 5 year old girl who just started Kindergarten about 3 weeks ago and with our work schedules we have decided to stay in the home for now. I just want things to be better, I want the woman I have given myself to to want me as much as I want her. I want to have her back with me and let us be a family again. I know that nothing will ever be the same, I don't want them to be, Our dynamic has to shift in such a way we can both find happiness with each other. Tonight she got off work at 5 and went to see a "friend", she wouldn't tell me who it was but did say she isnt looking for a relationship with anyone right now. That she is just trying to be independent and find herself without me. I don't know what to do, that's why I'm here. How long do I keep holding onto the thought that this isn't going to end bad? Should we be dating other people?
CeciliaCylara Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 It seems very sudden for her to call it quits. Are you sure she didn't try to communicate what was wrong in the relationship? Was there a point in time where she started to get distant or stopped being affectionate?
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 At times yes, I wasn't always as emotionally supportive as I should have been and so she said that the reason she never talked about it to me was because she though I would just brush it all off as a phase or something we will get through. I know I should have been more communicative of my own personal feelings ans should have been more receptive to hers.
basil67 Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 So from her point of view, why did she walk away? What do you mean by you not being as "emotionally supportive" as you could have been?
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted September 26, 2017 Author Posted September 26, 2017 She has said she walked away because she was no longer happy and said that she didn't see herself being happy with me ever again. I was never "there" for her. I rarely helped her with her problems, I rarely showed affection towards her, and i almost never showed any romance. These are all things I wanted to do but just never did, I procrastinated until it was to late.
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 So last night we made plans to go out together and spend most of the day with one another but it seems like her class ran late so that won't be happening now. Feels like a step back even though she said she was excited for it to be just us. Plus she is still texting that other guy which only compounds my pain right now. Still not sure how to read the situation, does she want to start working on things? or is she just trying to be friendly?
ontheway Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 She has said she walked away because she was no longer happy and said that she didn't see herself being happy with me ever again. I was never "there" for her. I rarely helped her with her problems, I rarely showed affection towards her, and i almost never showed any romance. These are all things I wanted to do but just never did, I procrastinated until it was to late. I'm sorry to say that you have no one to blame in this situation but yourself. You said you never showed her affection, romance, was never there for her, etc.. etc.. That tells me that you were probably being weak, needy, and insecure around her. You were acting like the woman of the relationship and she had to act like the man. Women will put up with this behavior for a little while, but when someone else enters the picture and portrays male dominance and alpha behavior it's only a matter of time before her mind and body wanders. You stopped dating and courting your woman properly and again, they will put up with it for a little while but start looking elsewhere when another man shows them attention. Work on yourself. Read Corey Wayne's book How to be a 3% man, and start watching his videos on YouTube to get you started.
Giggles666 Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 I hate to be the bearer of possible bad news. I would go NC and move forward. I would also not believe it was just any friend. When things end suddenly and out of the blue many times there is someone else. I could be wrong, but if I am not you don't need to make it worse on yourself. Good luck and sorry this is happening to you.
Blanco Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 She has said she walked away because she was no longer happy and said that she didn't see herself being happy with me ever again. I was never "there" for her. I rarely helped her with her problems, I rarely showed affection towards her, and i almost never showed any romance. These are all things I wanted to do but just never did, I procrastinated until it was to late. Well, if that's the case, then she's right: It's beyond repair. You wanted to do these things? You had a decade, man! Procrastinating for 10 years shows it wasn't much of a priority to you, even if you were aware that it would've meant a lot to your fiance. I'm sorry, but I agree with others. This is on you, and any effort to change things that you neglected for a full decade is going to look inauthentic and desperate. 1
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 But how's do I show her that I can change? I truly want to be a better man, not just for her but for myself. I know how happy we have been in the past and I know how happy we can be again, I can't give up on this.
ontheway Posted September 28, 2017 Posted September 28, 2017 But how's do I show her that I can change? I truly want to be a better man, not just for her but for myself. I know how happy we have been in the past and I know how happy we can be again, I can't give up on this. Time and space away man. That is the only way. You have to work on yourself. Reflect on what you did wrong in the relationship and work on it. It may take months. You have a knowledge gap that you need to fill and learn from your mistakes. I highly recommend doing some research with Corey Wayne.
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted September 29, 2017 Author Posted September 29, 2017 Yea, unfortunately we have to continue living together, for our daughter and for both of our jobs (if i move out, closest person to live with is 2 hours from work). So NC isn't really that much of an option, i've been trying to give her the space I know she needs while also vaguely telling her that I'm doing fine. It's not that hard until things happen like right now, she just went to do some stuff at work where her new interest also works. They text all day, and she tells me they are just friends when I tease her about it but I don't buy it.
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted September 30, 2017 Author Posted September 30, 2017 So, we had what I thought was a pretty nice night, we went to the movies, spent most of the day together, and then when we came home I had some lillies sitting on the tables for her. I thought everything was going awesome but she said she was having an anxiety attack and wanted to leave. I didn't do as I normally would have tonight and tried to stop her, instead I let her go, even though I know she is going to the other mans house. I don't know what is happening, I'm so beyond confused, she is so distant yet I can catch a glimpse every now and then that she still has some part of her that wants to work things out. I dunno, maybe I'm just reading to much into everything, maybe she still has no inclination to make things work. Maybe i'm a bit delusional thinking I can woo her again, creating that feeling of dating again. Well, any advice is always appreciated.
Buriall Posted September 30, 2017 Posted September 30, 2017 Move on, as sad that might sound.. That's all you can do. If you want her to be truly happy even if that means without you. Set them free and free yourself at the same time.
Maldives Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 So, we had what I thought was a pretty nice night, we went to the movies, spent most of the day together, and then when we came home I had some lillies sitting on the tables for her. I thought everything was going awesome but she said she was having an anxiety attack and wanted to leave. I didn't do as I normally would have tonight and tried to stop her, instead I let her go, even though I know she is going to the other mans house. I don't know what is happening, I'm so beyond confused, she is so distant yet I can catch a glimpse every now and then that she still has some part of her that wants to work things out. I dunno, maybe I'm just reading to much into everything, maybe she still has no inclination to make things work. Maybe i'm a bit delusional thinking I can woo her again, creating that feeling of dating again. Well, any advice is always appreciated. I can tell u where u are now and knowing there's another guy in the picture it's a waste of time. I was also together wth the ex wife 10 yrs although I didn't know there was another guy in the picture but there always was. Woman do this commonly wait till some one else comes on the scene and when they know it's all safe and good to move on then they break up wth u. If uve neglected her like I did trust me it's too late they've lost feelings as soon as u hear that walk away learn from it. I still have troubles one yr on accepting it's over I hate the way she's been dating work colleagues yet I haven't let go of the hope and still have feelings. It's hard but wen we've taken em for granted they don't have anything to want to come back to. I'm in the same boat as u and have been for the last yr.
joseb Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 I rarely helped her with her problems, I rarely showed affection towards her, and i almost never showed any romance. These are all things I wanted to do but just never did, I procrastinated until it was to late. So would you agree that you never showed any affection towards her? That there was no romance? Because if that's true, I don't get the mpression that you were all that into her. And it's only now that you can't have her that you want her. Heck, you don't even seem that jealous that she is seeing another guy while still living with you. I wouldn't put up with that even if I was over her.
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 Oh I’m jealous as all hell, and I would say I NEVER showed her affection or love, but I didn’t do it as often as I think I should have. She isn’t dating this new guy, we have had a couple very serious conversations about the relationship she has with him and she has told me that they haven’t “done” anything, other than hold hands 1 time at the community park. The only reason I haven’t confronted her on it is because I’ve accepted that we are no longer together and that it’s her choice to want to come back to me. I can’t control any of it. The only thing that would happen if I confronted her about the guy is show her that I’m still controlling her. Which I desperately don’t want to do, I want her to have independence even if we do get back together. We’ve been codependent for far to long. It’s time we both live our lives and hopefully, we are each the best part of the others.
Author Heartbroken75169 Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 Tonight we are going to play some PlayStation together and watch the pirates of the Caribbean movie. I feel like sometimes she’s giving me a chance, but maybe she is just being friendly?
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