moldybread Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi, all. I'm 22. This man I'm talking about is very charming, talented, funny and intelligent. Things is, there are some things about him that seem a bit off...: 1. He's about to turn 30 years old this year and while he just recently stopped living with his parents, he is living alone in a house that belongs to a cousin of him (his cousin is never there) so he gets to live there for free. Also, his parents send him money so he can sustain himself for the week, and they give him food sometimes as well. He is studying to get a masters degree, and in that school, they ask their students to be fully committed to it, so they can't have a job, 2. However, it strikes me as odd that he left his parents house until he was 29 (I left a when I was 17 and have been fully independent ever since, I pay for everything, I rent my own place and have my own car). 3. He wastes a lot of the money his parents give him on alcohol and parties. I like to drink as well, but I pay for everything. Also, I find it really strange that he started to talk a lot to me as soon as his last relationship ended... Should I give him a chance? Or maybe just for fun? I don't think he could be a serious boyfriend, but I want opinions. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I've never heard of a master's program that doesn't allow you to have a job. That said, he's still a student so you should expect him to behave like one. Some people take longer to grow up than others. If he is mature in most other ways, I don't see a problem. Anyway, you are 22 and should be having fun. What is the hurry in viewing every man as if he is the guy you should marry? Most women your age are still trying to figure out what they like and I'm guessing you are too... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Even for fun, I wouldn't go for this one. You'll probably have to pay for everything you both want to do outside of the bedroom. And as a potential mate -- you should pass on this one. Aim higher. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 He wastes a lot of the money his parents give him on alcohol and parties. I like to drink as well, but I pay for everything. Don't date a partier if you're not one, especially a partier that doesn't fund his own entertainment. A little immaturity in his early twenties would be one thing, but at 29 he should be supporting himself and paying his way. If you're already having reservations about this guy, that's a good sign to pass on him completely. There are plenty of people you'd be more compatible with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moldybread Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Don't date a partier if you're not one, especially a partier that doesn't fund his own entertainment. A little immaturity in his early twenties would be one thing, but at 29 he should be supporting himself and paying his way. If you're already having reservations about this guy, that's a good sign to pass on him completely. There are plenty of people you'd be more compatible with. I am a partier too, but I pay for everything I do, including that. It's only that it seems weird to me that he doesn't have any money saved up to get his own place at the age he is at, and the fact that he started to talk to me so often as soon as his previous relationship ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moldybread Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 I've never heard of a master's program that doesn't allow you to have a job. That said, he's still a student so you should expect him to behave like one. Some people take longer to grow up than others. If he is mature in most other ways, I don't see a problem. Anyway, you are 22 and should be having fun. What is the hurry in viewing every man as if he is the guy you should marry? Most women your age are still trying to figure out what they like and I'm guessing you are too... I am indeed still trying to figure it out. The thing is, he is charming, talented, fun, we share mutual interests and hobbies, but he doesn't really seem like he is mature at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moldybread Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Even for fun, I wouldn't go for this one. You'll probably have to pay for everything you both want to do outside of the bedroom. And as a potential mate -- you should pass on this one. Aim higher. Or if he pays for it, it would be with his parents money... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I am a partier too, but I pay for everything I do, including that. It's only that it seems weird to me that he doesn't have any money saved up to get his own place at the age he is at, and the fact that he started to talk to me so often as soon as his previous relationship ended. I have friend who dated a 54 year old man, who had zero savings and was mooching off her. There are people out there who aren't financially responsible and see no need to be when they have others supporting them. Attach yourself to him and you'll be one of them. He probably latched on to you as a distraction from whatever discomfort he was feeling from the demise of his relationship. Or he may enjoy your company. Or he wants to mooch off you. Doesn't matter -- it's not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Or if he pays for it, it would be with his parents money... Won't be much since he spends most of it on parties and alcohol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I am indeed still trying to figure it out. The thing is, he is charming, talented, fun, we share mutual interests and hobbies, but he doesn't really seem like he is mature at all. Well then you need to decide what you want. If you just want someone to party, have sex with, and hang out, without much responsibility or attachment, then he sounds like a perfect match. If you're looking for someone to settle down with, he is at least 5 years away, if EVER. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author moldybread Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 I have friend who dated a 54 year old man, who had zero savings and was mooching off her. There are people out there who aren't financially responsible and see no need to be when they have others supporting them. Attach yourself to him and you'll be one of them. He probably latched on to you as a distraction from whatever discomfort he was feeling from the demise of his relationship. Or he may enjoy your company. Or he wants to mooch off you. Doesn't matter -- it's not worth it. You're right. I have serious plans to move to another city to pursue the most important goal in my life in about 8 months and I need to save up as much money as I can. There's no time for me to be getting involved with someone who will probably waste my money, or even my time. Thanks for the replies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 I am a partier too, but I pay for everything I do, including that. You're 22, and doing some partying is typical at your age. A 29 year old living rent free, relying on handouts from his parents to support his lifestyle isn't typical or mature behavior for his age. He's not getting his own place or paying at least part of his way because he's not motivated to. He could be interested in you for any number of reasons (including financial), but what you do know about him should make you wary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 You'll probably have to pay for everything you both want to do outside of the bedroom. Sounds like almost every woman I've dated. It's funny how there is a double standard here. Not saying this guy isn't a dead beat, he probably is, but this wouldn't even be a thread topic if we're talking about a 29 year female student who expects the guy to pay for all dates... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 This guy sounds like a man-child. I would pass if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moldybread Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Sounds like almost every woman I've dated. It's funny how there is a double standard here. Not saying this guy isn't a dead beat, he probably is, but this wouldn't even be a thread topic if we're talking about a 29 year female student who expects the guy to pay for all dates... I get your point. But, as a woman who has been paying for all of her stuff since 17, everyone, man or woman, who still does not pay for anything at almost 30, it seems something bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 You're right. I have serious plans to move to another city to pursue the most important goal in my life in about 8 months and I need to save up as much money as I can. There's no time for me to be getting involved with someone who will probably waste my money, or even my time. Thanks for the replies. You sound goal-oriented and very responsible. You're moving to a new town and so many opportunities are going to open up for you. You truly do not need a man-child tugging at you right now. Good luck on your new endeavor! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 You say he's been talking to you. Is he showing romantic interest, or does he see you as someone to add to his party cohort? Or perhaps he wants some casual sex. I'm wondering if you're reaching too far with wondering about dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moldybread Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 You say he's been talking to you. Is he showing romantic interest, or does he see you as someone to add to his party cohort? Or perhaps he wants some casual sex. I'm wondering if you're reaching too far with wondering about dating. He is showing romantic interest. Link to post Share on other sites
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