NC for 5 weeks but her social media (Instagram) is giving me signs to reach out?

September 25, 2017

Hi everyone,

Long story short. My ex and I broke up last year for 6 weeks because she didn't want a relationship at the time (she's younger 25, I'm 32). During that time, she was posting things on Instagram that were very clearly about me and that I read too much into. Everyone told me not to read into it but after we got back together I asked her about it and she said that it was all about me, and she was hesitant to reach out but she wanted me to know things and to not forget her. Needless to say, we got back together and we had an amazing relationship from there.

After a few months, we started to have trust issues because of something that had happened the previous year when we were not technically together, ie: weren't exclusive. It was taking me some time to work through but we had fallen in love and I was trying my best to work through it. This created some insecurities in me and our relationship and ultimately drove us apart and she ended things about 7 weeks ago again.

We've had 1 meet up since then where I put it all out there to her, that I've gotten over what happened, and that we can be happy together and be great, I gave her a letter explaining everything and since then I have not heard from her, that was almost 5 weeks ago. A week after we met up, so 3 weeks after the breakup, I did see her getting drinks with some guy, the extent of their relationship I don't know, but obviously, that was hard to see. That night I saw her out, I blocked then unblocked her on social media. My profile is on public but her's is on private. So she can see mine, but I can't see hers.

After I blocked her she started posting things that she normally didn't. Particularly, selfies or pictures of her with captions about "someone"

Her first post a little over 2 weeks ago was a picture of herself that she sent me a while ago with a quote from a John Mayer song that said "Hold on to whatever you find baby, I don't trust myself in loving you."
The second and post recent post a week ago was a picture that I took of her when we went to Mexico, that she knows I love, with the caption "I saw you in my dreams last night, I don't think you wanted to be there."

With this second post, I didn't even see it. The day after she posted it several friends reached out to me and asked "Did you see what she posted?!" And I then found out what it said and what the picture was. We had just gone to Mexico a few months before and as soon as i took the picture, I told her "Babe, I absolutely love this picture of you." She knows that these things will get back to me, all of my friends still follow her and all of her friends still follow me.

On top of this, she doesn't follow me on Instagram anymore, because I blocked her and unblocked her so we unfollow each other. But she has still been watching my stories I post. So she has to go to my profile on purpose and views my story intentionally. This weekend she watched my stories 2 days in a row.

Now, these posts are strange because it's almost after 5 weeks of NC that she's started to do these things. The most recent post is very clearly about me, given the picture she chose and the quote but it seems like she thinks that I don't want to talk to her given the caption?

I've considered reaching out now that it's been 5 weeks of NC and I'm feeling good about everything. I've been working out, playing soccer, staying busy, going out hanging with friends, doing all the things you're supposed to do. I've gone on a couple dates as well but I still want to be back together with my girl because I love her and I see a future together.

Friends tell me to keep up NC because it's working and she will crack soon and reach out, but I'm feeling like with this last thing she posted she is hesitant to because I blocked her and unfriended her. Given how she did the same things before, maybe she's doing the same thing again?

On top of all of this, her best friend is in regular contact with me still. Her other best friends boyfriend reached out to me to play soccer sometime soon also.

Any comments, questions or advice is greatly appreciated!

Edited September 25, 2017 by txmusic4502

September 25, 2017

Stay NC and stay off her Instagram! Don't give in to her games. She's an adult now so she should act like one and talk to you directly, not use social media as if we're still in college or high school. Get her off your mind and look for someone who's mature and sure of herself. Time's too short be playing games like this.

September 25, 2017

NC is about you healing. It is not a way to manipulate somebody & make them jealous enough to come back. Your friends advice that she will crack & come back is bad advice.

Normally I was say you are not in NC if you can see each other's social media. Here because her pattern is passive -- she posts instead of reaching out to talk to you, if you think her posts are a sign that she wants you back, reach out to her. Actually talk. Talking & working together is the only thing that will heal your relationship & fix what's wrong

That said, I don't see the point. When this happened last time you allowed your jealousy that stemmed from what she did while you were apart to undermine and erode your relationship to the point where you broke up a 2nd time. You already know she's been having drinks with other men this time. From what you have posted, I don't think you can get past that so I ask what is the point of getting back together? You are going to resent her & you will break up a 3rd time. I vote spare both of you the pain & just let this go.

September 25, 2017

NC is about you healing. It is not a way to manipulate somebody & make them jealous enough to come back. Your friends advice that she will crack & come back is bad advice.

Normally I was say you are not in NC if you can see each other's social media. Here because her pattern is passive -- she posts instead of reaching out to talk to you, if you think her posts are a sign that she wants you back, reach out to her. Actually talk. Talking & working together is the only thing that will heal your relationship & fix what's wrong

That said, I don't see the point. When this happened last time you allowed your jealousy that stemmed from what she did while you were apart to undermine and erode your relationship to the point where you broke up a 2nd time. You already know she's been having drinks with other men this time. From what you have posted, I don't think you can get past that so I ask what is the point of getting back together? You are going to resent her & you will break up a 3rd time. I vote spare both of you the pain & just let this go.

Thanks for your response! I haven't been using NC as a way to manipulate, I've been working on myself and have been moving forward as well. I just said that as an indication of how things have been going. I can't see her social media, but friends brought this last one to my attention specifically because it was a little too obvious.

I agree that reaching out is a good move because communication is key, IF these posts mean anything. I guess that's what my question is. Given the nature of them is that what she's trying to do?

Re: the jealousy and other guys... she's single and can do whatever she wants and can go get drinks with, date, sleep with whoever she wants. As can I. If we got back together I wouldn't hold anything she does while she's single against her.

September 25, 2017

Stay NC and stay off her Instagram! Don't give in to her games. She's an adult now so she should act like one and talk to you directly, not use social media as if we're still in college or high school. Get her off your mind and look for someone who's mature and sure of herself. Time's too short be playing games like this.

I completely agree that these are games and it's so passive. But I knew what I was getting into with a younger girl and can accept that.

I love her and want to be with her, but I do feel like she needs to just talk to me directly instead of posting cryptic things about me.

Would you say those posts are about me? The most recent one is just way too blatant an obvious right?!

September 25, 2017

Re: the jealousy and other guys... she's single and can do whatever she wants and can go get drinks with, date, sleep with whoever she wants. As can I. If we got back together I wouldn't hold anything she does while she's single against her.

You say that but in your 1st post you admit that this break up happened because you never got over what she did last time.

September 25, 2017

You say that but in your 1st post you admit that this break up happened because you never got over what she did last time.

Agreed and at the time it was difficult to learn and to get through. But I've come to realize in the time that I've been working through it these last few months that the past is in the past. Especially if it's when two people are not together.

I'm confident enough if myself and in what our relationship was without all that hanging over it that I know it would not be an issue.

Yes it was something hard to work through, but I worked through it and am stronger for it in the end.

September 25, 2017

I completely agree that these are games and it's so passive. But I knew what I was getting into with a younger girl and can accept that.

I love her and want to be with her, but I do feel like she needs to just talk to me directly instead of posting cryptic things about me.

Would you say those posts are about me? The most recent one is just way too blatant an obvious right?!

They're attention grabbing. It worked because all your friends are talking about it. I don't read into people's social media because what's posted tends to only be for show. I had one friend who had to dump one girl because she almost died from drug overdose while at his house Then when she got better, she started talking trash about him on social media for not "being her knight in shining armor", even though if he hadn't called the ambulance for her she wouldn't have even been able to post anymore. She gained sympathy points. It's what emotionally immature people do, especially girls. Don't give into her cry for sympathy and attention.

September 25, 2017

I also don't believe that in this short amount of time that you've been able to change your insecurities with her. You know that she has been with someone else and again will be hurt by the specifics. I believe in second chances, but not 3rd chances.

She is also playing games because she knows already that her posts affect you. She is keeping you around because she knows you'll play the game. Stop with the immature games and make your social media private and make sure she can't see it and stop looking at hers.

September 25, 2017

I also don't believe that in this short amount of time that you've been able to change your insecurities with her. You know that she has been with someone else and again will be hurt by the specifics. I believe in second chances, but not 3rd chances.

She is also playing games because she knows already that her posts affect you. She is keeping you around because she knows you'll play the game. Stop with the immature games and make your social media private and make sure she can't see it and stop looking at hers.

Thanks for your advice. I can appreciate the skepticism but it's the truth. I have also been on dates and am doing the same things she's doing. We are both single, we have that right. In that sense, the specifics don't matter because we're single. Lot's of people have 2nd, 3rd, 4th and more chances and end up staying together forever. Not to say that's the case here, but it's never over till it's over.

Yes, she's playing games, and she knows that her posts affect me. How am I playing the game if I haven't responded at all to anything she's done. Going private won't stop her from checking up on me as mutual friends still follow me.

The advice I'm looking for is whether I should address this head on after 5 weeks of NC since she's just now starting to do this stuff and reach out to her. Or continue NC, keep working on myself and see how it plays out.

It seems like each time she does something, whether it be an indirect cryptic ambiguous post or story view, she's making it more blatant and obvious and cracking open the window slightly. It'll get to the point where the window is open and one of us will have to stick our head through it to see what is going on.

September 25, 2017

Well, do you enjoy playing the game? If so then take your time and wait for something from her that is a little more obvious. If you hate the game then contact her now and see about getting together. Get your answer now so you can move forward one way or another.

September 25, 2017

Yes, she's playing games, and she knows that her posts affect me. How am I playing the game if I haven't responded at all to anything she's done. Going private won't stop her from checking up on me as mutual friends still follow me.

The advice I'm looking for is whether I should address this head on after 5 weeks of NC since she's just now starting to do this stuff and reach out to her. Or continue NC, keep working on myself and see how it plays out.

If you want to fix this or even try to fix this, you have to talk her -- not us, not your friends, not her friends, her. Reconciliation requires communication & work.

But you are playing games. You are reacting to social media. If you really want to be done with all this drama & nonsense -- because her passive posting but not contacting you is game playing nonsense -- you need to make your profile private, unfriend her & all of her friends who you claim are mutual friends. If they were her friends first, it's unlikely that they are your friends now after the break up. Then ask your true friends to unfriend her or to at least stop telling you what she's doing & posting. It's that simple. If they are your friends, they will respect your requests & shut up about her. If they keep talking to you after you asked them to stop, re-evaluate their places in your life.

September 25, 2017

You're 32! What are you doing playing games? Are you a masochist for drama? Because pursuing this will lead to drama.

September 25, 2017

Yes contact her so you will know for sure. She is definitely playing games. How old is she?

September 25, 2017

Yes contact her so you will know for sure. She is definitely playing games. How old is she?

She's 25, I'm 32. We've been together all together for about a year and fell in love this year.

She's definitely playing games, and knows I'll see these. Each time she does it, it's more obvious. Part of me things to let her keep missing me and eventually she might reach out.

But the most recent post caption makes me feel like she thinks I'm moving on "I saw you in my dreams. I don't think you wanted to bet here." with the pic that I took of her in Mexico.

Drama? Perhaps. But there's always drama in breakups. I usually don't read too much into social media, but in this case it makes sense given how things have gone in the past and it's the only communication we've had, albeit it's been indirect and she keeps viewing my stories.

September 25, 2017

But you are playing games too & fueling the drama. It's a binary choice: talk or be done. Pick one.

September 25, 2017

But you are playing games too & fueling the drama. It's a binary choice: talk or be done. Pick one.

Sorry but I just don't agree with you, respectfully. I'm not playing games, I've been clear to her in what I wanted with her and it's been almost 5 weeks of NC in 2 days.

She keeps popping up in these different ways and I have not been fueling the drama rather reflecting on it and dealing with it internally.

If she's missing me and is throwing out these "signs" for me to reach out. Then maybe I should. My fear is that I'm misinterpreting these signs, which I very well could be.

September 25, 2017

Then reach out, because you will know then instead of worrying & wondering.

But IMO as long as your profile is public & your "mutual friends" still ferry messages back & forth between you, you are complicit in the game playing.

September 25, 2017

Then reach out, because you will know then instead of worrying & wondering.

But IMO as long as your profile is public & your "mutual friends" still ferry messages back & forth between you, you are complicit in the game playing.

Just to clarify, my friends that reached out about her recent post are my close friends. No one has been ferrying messages back and forth between us. Her friends still follow me and my friends still follow her. There might be a few mutual friends in the mix.

Strategically thinking here, does it make more sense to wait and see if she gives me a more obvious sign or just go ahead and reach out now and stop these games.

Text? Phone call?

September 25, 2017

Don't buy into hints and games. If she wants to talk she knows how to contact you.

September 25, 2017

Its funny how you get dumped because they don't want a relationship at the time yet all of the sudden start reaching out to you.

Like maybe what they had lined up didn't work out so well and hey here you are to rescue them.

September 25, 2017

Its funny how you get dumped because they don't want a relationship at the time yet all of the sudden start reaching out to you.
Like maybe what they had lined up didn't work out so well and hey here you are to rescue them.

This happened to me and i fell for it like a fool but i didnt know any better..I was deceived and lied to. I got even more hurt, used up and tossed aside once i had no more to give..

September 25, 2017

Strategically thinking here, does it make more sense to wait and see if she gives me a more obvious sign or just go ahead and reach out now and stop these games.

Text? Phone call?

Strategy is to employed in games & war . . . not reconciliation. You thinking strategically is about some desire to maintain some perceived upper hand. this tit for tat nonsense & keeping score will poison any relationship.

Her M.O. is to make these posts until you call her.

September 25, 2017

Its funny how you get dumped because they don't want a relationship at the time yet all of the sudden start reaching out to you.
Like maybe what they had lined up didn't work out so well and hey here you are to rescue them.

I chalk that up to her just being a young girl, at the time she was 24 and I was 31. She was reaching out to me within a few weeks and was making those posts soon after. I think she just needed some time to figure herself out and she went on a 2 week trip, she reached out to me the day after she got back.

September 25, 2017

Strategy is to employed in games & war . . . not reconciliation. You thinking strategically is about some desire to maintain some perceived upper hand. this tit for tat nonsense & keeping score will poison any relationship.

Her M.O. is to make these posts until you call her.

You are 100% right in that. The only thing left to do is to contact her.

thinking something like "Hey, I don’t want to hide behind a “Hey, how are you?!” text and so I’m going to be completely honest and put this out there. If you’re wanting to talk, I want you to know that I’d love to. If I've misinterpreted things, then let me know and at least I'll have some closure and can walk away with peace of mind."

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NC for 5 weeks but her social media (Instagram) is giving me signs to reach out?

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