Staystrong08 Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Hi ... I have been working at this place and i met a guy over there and we fell in love and was really good together...but then eventually we use to end up fighting on small things as it really bothers him abt what i do ..whom i spk to n all.. so i tried to be how he likes to make sure he is happy ..i just want him.his happiness is all that matters to me After a year . We had a fight on one night and day after that i called him up and said sorry ..i apologised for whatever happend and expected that he would also do the same nd we both would move on frm that fight...but instead he said that he just wants to stay friends... I was shattered...couldnt speak for few minutes..i was doing a job which i didnt like much but because of him i stayed .. and now he also left me like this.. i was so broken inside..i immidiately gave my resignation and went back home... for days i waited for him to call or msg me but he didnt. And then i fell sick ..and when he came to know that..i received a msg from him askin abt my health..n everything.. .. i told him again n again n again..i was sorry but he didnt respond good. He acted so formal..like i was talking to a friend who is msgn me after 3-4 yrs... then one day he again started fighting and then blocked me on whatsapp. Before whenever he use to do that i texted him from another no. But this time i did not. After 2 days he unblocked me.. and keeps a constant check on my status as what m.doing n all... I m so tired of feeling like broken..its been a month since our break up.. and now i have made a decision to move to another city. He keeps tryin to show me he is doin good without me.... m really messed up. Will moving to a new city will.help... i tried goin out... meeting friends...making new friends...everything... it doesnt works...my heart beats so fast.. everytime i wake up. Go to bed...eat..sit..or do anything... i feel scared..of everything..irritated..angry..sad...depressed..i dnt wanna talk to anyone..i dnt wanna be with anyone..even a little sound of anything makes me angry and irritated... i dont know what to do... tried talking to my friends about it.. nothing works.... m fed up... sometimes i think if moving to a new city wont work either... i will just quit... just end up my life.....i need help..
Captivating Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 (edited) Staystrong, I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. It's freaking hard to move on after a breakup. I keep posting about a personality disorder called narcissism since it involves about 6% of the population, it's very prevalent. It does not mean that your ex necessarily is a narcissist but it's worth looking into it. You know him better, I don't. Generally speaking these individuals are manipulative, very controlling, using people for their own purposes. They are unable to love, they consider their partner as their own extension. They do "love bombing" first in the relationships to gain complete control over you, it is an ILLUSION that they create, it is not reality, it's mask.... then start to criticize, control everything etc... undermining your SELF ESTEEM totally !!! A breakup after narcissistic abuse is even more devastating. Regardless, it is completely normal how you feel now, please do not make rushed decisions. If he is a narcissist, then it is a blessing that it is over, trust me. You need to go to work to support yourself and it is a good distraction to keep yourself occupied. Stop apologizing to him or reaching out to him...... don't check on him. You need to do no contact for your own sake, for self preservation and faster healing. It's good to face your feelings. Do some soul searching why you let others control you, telling you what to to do ... you need to establish boundaries and standards that you are able to communicate. Your next goal should be a self esteem building strategy so that you will never let people treat you like he did. Be patient and kind to yourself. Take one step at a time, you will be fine !!! I know it sucks ! Would you be able to get a break from social media for about 2-3 months ??? That would be great ! Don't feed into the "Facebook happy" thing where people try to convey how happy they are even if they are not ... so fake Your happiness is not depending on anybody, but yourself. Try to dive into things that makes you happy. Swimming, gardening, baking pies, meeting friends for a coffee, reading, walking in the sun, going to the gym (this would be great!) ... etc. What do you think ?? HUGS !!! Watch these videos, they are very informative !! Edited September 25, 2017 by Captivating
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 You are grieving the loss of your relationship & that is emotionally painful. However, it will pass. This is only temporary situation. Do not end your life over it but it's OK to take a break. You can curl up in a ball emotionally & lick your wounds for a while but at some point you will have to get a new job. You need to go fully No Contact. What that means is you stop calling or texting. You unfriend him on all social media so you don't know what is going on with him. You focus on yourself & getting better. Meanwhile purge all the reminders & mementos. Either throw the stuff out or box it all up. Hang in there.
Ieris Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Don't give up, what you are going through is very natural. If you have time do give this a read: How to Survive All Seven Stages of a Brutal Breakup How to Survive All Seven Stages of a Brutal Breakup The pain isn't going to go away in an instant but at least it will help you understand what you are going through. You will gradually heal but all in good time.
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