Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 So the background, i met this girl on tinder about 5 weeks ago, we hit off straight away. Shes an au pair whos only in the country for 9 more months now. I got her snapchat and we messaged eachother for 2 weeks straight all day everyday before i met her. Our first date went really well then 2 days later she asked me out to go clubbing with her and her friends. Again that went well. She happily introduced me to her friends, we were very close the whole night, we were dancing, holding hands and made out. The next day is when she went cold on me, she was less responsive to my messages. So from messaging each other for 2-3 weeks straight to barely talking at all. I could tell this girl was getting attached, as she told her dad and her friends about me back home. She was talking about some food from her country that i havent tried which she later told her dad to send some over for me. She even told me that she hopes "us" is going somewhere good. So later in the week from when she started getting cold, i asked her what was wrong. She said that she didnt know what she wants and initially said we should stop seeing eachother. So i went nc, but then 3 days later i broke it started messaging her, in a fun way though, joking around, made her laugh. I asked her out but then she said she was baby sitting. 3 days later i asked her again, she said she was going to her friends. I asked her if she was going to say yes to me again, in a fun way, i never messaged her in a desperate or sad way and i never begged. She said that she likes me but its too much for her and shes leaving which will be really hard for her. I told her we can try make it work and asked if theres anything i can do to change her mind. She said she didnt think so and apologise. I messaged her some other things and also asked her to block me on snapchat (our only way of communication) as ill probably messaged her again. Also said that if we do get into a relationship we can try LDR as her country is only a few hours away... she saved that message on snap but never replied and also didnt block me aswel. I really like this girl but i feel like she put up these massive walls around her to protect herself from getting hurt. If she didnt want me she would have never replied to my snapchats and she would have blocked me by now? What should i do?
Author Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 Yea i posted about this girl about a week ago if anyone was wondering. Everyone said to move on. But with the latest messages ive just become more confused
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 She's not interested anymore, my friend. My guess is that she has met someone else. I would stop trying to contact her, and definitely don't be asking if there is anything you can do to change her mind and that you are willing to try LDR - you barely know her and she's already told you it's not happening. That is not a good look for you and does come across as desperate. She replied to you because she probably felt guilty ignoring you and could see you weren't taking the hint, unfortunately. She doesn't feel the need to block you right now but if you keep it up, she probably will. Just delete her and be done with it.
basil67 Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Sorry, these messages only further underscore that she doesn't want to date you. Whether it's personal or about the distance, I can't say. But if it is the distance, I completely understand her stance. I've had fun flings with guys who lived far away (but a lot closer than a few hours) but taking it further was never on the cards because Long Distance relationships aren't rewarding. And I was never going to move.
coolheadal Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 She has another real bf in her country, your just a fling she had? Did you ever get that food her dad was suppose to send to you? If you did then you know the new girl was serious about you, if you didn't get that food then it was just a story to tell you. She use you go out with and had fun with. Sure you made out but that's nothing today. Unless your going to give up your life and go and be with her it's just a out-of-the-country fling/hookup.. You can't expect more from her she's doesn't live here 100%. She ended it with you so she could go back home without thinking about you ever again, ghost you and then just being interested in you in love. Basically speaking she has friend-zone you. You did a NC for nothing it didn't matter to her. You were friends only. Nothing serious only in your head. Her family and friends might have told her that you wouldn't for her or something to the effect. You will never know just treat this as one-off and also you could stay friends with her but she'll forget you and met someone else or she has someone else in her country she's serious about. Just don't know to this point but at lease you do know want thing about you and her that's it's over now!
Author Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 Yea ive thought about that maybe shes just being nice. But she said she does like me, its just the fact that shes leaving soon and it will be really hard for her. I mean if you werent interested on someone and you were just being nice, would you say that? I just feel like she is interested its just she has her guard up and just scared to get hurt? Thats why i brought up LDR i thought that would help the situation. We did talk about it before and she was the one that brought up that her country is only a few hours away.
coolheadal Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Yea ive thought about that maybe shes just being nice. But she said she does like me, its just the fact that shes leaving soon and it will be really hard for her. I mean if you werent interested on someone and you were just being nice, would you say that? I just feel like she is interested its just she has her guard up and just scared to get hurt? Thats why i brought up LDR i thought that would help the situation. We did talk about it before and she was the one that brought up that her country is only a few hours away. Why don't you get a ticket and fly back with her on the same flight? Can you do that much? That would show her you are really in love with her. What do you got to lose my friend try it. LDR = long distance relationships are very hard to have. So she does love you.. If you love her it's best to act on this. I don't know your ages but can do the right thing now go for it.
Author Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 She has another real bf in her country, your just a fling she had? Did you ever get that food her dad was suppose to send to you? If you did then you know the new girl was serious about you, if you didn't get that food then it was just a story to tell you. She use you go out with and had fun with. Sure you made out but that's nothing today. Unless your going to give up your life and go and be with her it's just a out-of-the-country fling/hookup.. You can't expect more from her she's doesn't live here 100%. She ended it with you so she could go back home without thinking about you ever again, ghost you and then just being interested in you in love. Basically speaking she has friend-zone you. You did a NC for nothing it didn't matter to her. You were friends only. Nothing serious only in your head. Her family and friends might have told her that you wouldn't for her or something to the effect. You will never know just treat this as one-off and also you could stay friends with her but she'll forget you and met someone else or she has someone else in her country she's serious about. Just don't know to this point but at lease you do know want thing about you and her that's it's over now! She told me she did have a bf for a month back home but she broke it off because he was apparently shady. And no i never got that food but i was there when she called her dad to send some over, we were actually on a date lol. I dont think it was just a fling, shes really shy and she told me she wasnt into just random hook ups.
coolheadal Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 She told me she did have a bf for a month back home but she broke it off because he was apparently shady. And no i never got that food but i was there when she called her dad to send some over, we were actually on a date lol. I dont think it was just a fling, shes really shy and she told me she wasnt into just random hook ups. No food was sent She had a bf back home (still might be together) She shy now.. Think about all of this my friend you have too.. Don't get clouded the love you have for her. Can you travel back with her?
Author Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 Why don't you get a ticket and fly back with her on the same flight? Can you do that much? That would show her you are really in love with her. What do you got to lose my friend try it. LDR = long distance relationships are very hard to have. So she does love you.. If you love her it's best to act on this. I don't know your ages but can do the right thing now go for it. Im 24 shes 20. Yea id probably do that fly over with her. Ive never done LDR but i know it would be hard but im willing to try it thats how much i like her. I woudnt say im in love with her, i just really like her.
coolheadal Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Im 24 shes 20. Yea id probably do that fly over with her. Ive never done LDR but i know it would be hard but im willing to try it thats how much i like her. I woudnt say im in love with her, i just really like her. Oh okay you just like her, she likes you.. You are older than she. She's not even 21 yet. So I see young adult love. Once you reach 25 you are more of adult. She's going into her 20's.. So that's why she's acting the way she does. How long was she seeing the bf back home? If you can find that out could be a clue more than 1 year then she might not be fully over him or she might be still in love with him. These things you have to find out first. Right now she likes you but doesn't know what to do, that young mind of hers is still learning about being interest in romance. You have some more years on you so you know how to deal with this. LDR is not easy my friend so what is your next move. I guess you can't travel to her country. Once she goes back home anything can happen. I was trying to show you if you go with her then. But of course going with her she sounds like she lives with her parents still or does she have her own flat/apt/house etc..
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Yea ive thought about that maybe shes just being nice. But she said she does like me, its just the fact that shes leaving soon and it will be really hard for her. I mean if you werent interested on someone and you were just being nice, would you say that? I just feel like she is interested its just she has her guard up and just scared to get hurt? Thats why i brought up LDR i thought that would help the situation. We did talk about it before and she was the one that brought up that her country is only a few hours away. Plenty of people would say that, becasue they don't know how to be direct and don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Even if she is being honest that she doesn't want to get involved because she'll be leaving - what difference does it make, really? The bottom line is the same. She said no. With all due respect to our fellow poster, do not try to fly back home with her, and please don't even suggest it. She will think you're nuts and a stage-5 clinger. She has been clear she doesn't want to keep seeing you. Trying to plan a LDR is moot at this point, and disrespectful to her wishes. I know you are hurt and having a hard time accepting it. But you can't assume you know how she is feeling, that she has walls up because she doesn't want to get hurt, and that you can somehow change her mind. She doesn't feel the way you do, man. It sucks, but you need to stop trying to convince an uninterested girl to be with you.
Author Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 Plenty of people would say that, becasue they don't know how to be direct and don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Even if she is being honest that she doesn't want to get involved because she'll be leaving - what difference does it make, really? The bottom line is the same. She said no. With all due respect to our fellow poster, do not try to fly back home with her, and please don't even suggest it. She will think you're nuts and a stage-5 clinger. She has been clear she doesn't want to keep seeing you. Trying to plan a LDR is moot at this point, and disrespectful to her wishes. I know you are hurt and having a hard time accepting it. But you can't assume you know how she is feeling, that she has walls up because she doesn't want to get hurt, and that you can somehow change her mind. She doesn't feel the way you do, man. It sucks, but you need to stop trying to convince an uninterested girl to be with you. Ok yea maybe she is being nice and too scared to be direct. But what if she isnt and that she actually likes me and just waiting for me to convince her in someway. Thats my dilemma. I mean im not going to go crazy and go to her house or something, call her 24/7 or beg her. No, i would never suggest flying back home with her, im not even thinking about when she leaves or the future. Just thinking about the remaining 9 months that shes here.
coolheadal Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Ok yea maybe she is being nice and too scared to be direct. But what if she isnt and that she actually likes me and just waiting for me to convince her in someway. Thats my dilemma. I mean im not going to go crazy and go to her house or something, call her 24/7 or beg her. No, i would never suggest flying back home with her, im not even thinking about when she leaves or the future. Just thinking about the remaining 9 months that shes here. She's too young, not going to go in your favor. Enjoy the time you have with her now as you say the remain 9 months here. When she goes back home that's it unless you two become pen pals.. LDR is all text, maybe some video and some cell calls. But you can't do more than that. She's 20 she's starting and learning how to be adult woman. You already learn to be adult man.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2017 Posted September 25, 2017 Ok yea maybe she is being nice and too scared to be direct. But what if she isnt and that she actually likes me and just waiting for me to convince her in someway. Thats my dilemma. I mean im not going to go crazy and go to her house or something, call her 24/7 or beg her. No, i would never suggest flying back home with her, im not even thinking about when she leaves or the future. Just thinking about the remaining 9 months that shes here. I can't see how you can deduce that from her words and actions. She gave you no indication she wants you to convince her. I'm afraid you're giving yourself false hope, OP.
Author Carti Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 I can't see how you can deduce that from her words and actions. She gave you no indication she wants you to convince her. I'm afraid you're giving yourself false hope, OP. Yea her words did indicate she changed her mind and wasnt interested anymore. But then she said she does like me but its too much for her, shes leaving soon and and it will be too hard. I guess that kind of threw me off and gave me hope again. But like you said maybe shes just being nice and too scared to be direct. Ill try and move on.
Recommended Posts